Can't get away from it

Can't get away from talking about relationships
          As much as I hate talking about love and relationships...I love talking about love and relationships. I suppose as it has as much to do with my aversion (once paper-cut, twice machete-shy) as it does that I'm still working to understand it all. Chances are, I'll never fully realize that understanding. We're defined by our relationships, or lack thereof, whether we like it or not. I realized that in the past year. It keeps coming up; a truth I can't avoid. That's okay with me, though. Self discovery often means stumbling onto familiar paths. I forget what I learn so easily. I forget myself so often. I need the reminders.
          I thought I was okay with being single six months ago but looking back, I really wasn't. I was very anti-relationship, at least romantically, even to the point of feeling antagonistic towards some of those those that were in such relationships. That's not healthy. I'm starting to see them in a healthier light but I still feel very jaded to the poor imitations that the world would push upon us. Since August, I've been a shown a clearer picture of what I need in a husband and I've discovered more of what exactly it is that I want.

Maturity and marriage
          Just in the past week or so, I'm seeing a theme among Christian married couples: they had gotten to the point where they okay with being single; basically saying, "Okay, God, it's just you and me; I wouldn't have it any other way." That's hit home for me. I want to be there; it seems to be a mark of maturity, something attainable with God's help. If I reach that point, I could be single my whole life but maybe (just maybe) I'd meet my husband.
          That isn't to say I want it so I can marry (lol). I'd decided last fall that the point of my life is to glorify God and further his kingdom. To that end only would I marry, that clearly more could be accomplished in a covenant marriage relationship than I or my husband could do alone (perhaps even with others). I find that beautiful (some of you are shaking your head, I'm sure, lol) but really, what else is there? I find no greater joy than what I have in the Lord.

What I desire in a mate
          So what exactly do I need and want in a husband? [assuming I marry] I need man who is serious about his faith and earnestly seeking after God. I need someone who is like Christ: patient, truthful and kind; joyful but focused, passionate and wise. Someone who sees the best in me, will hold me accountable to a higher standard and believe that I can achieve it, will steady me when I stumble and calm my stormy seas, lift me up when I am depressed, move me when I can't move myself. That is the man I need, as long as he has these attributes the rest doesn't matter.
          I want [in descending importance] a man who is sensible and intelligent. I don't care what he does as long as he loves it. A nerd/geek would be nice, he doesn't necessarily have to nerd out over science, computers, math or games; it can be literature, music, paintings or politics. Physically, I find glasses very attractive but (again) not necessary; as long as it's a healthy range I don't really care about weight. I tell myself I prefer blondes but I've found myself attracted to men with darker hair more often than not. It'd be kind of cool to marry someone who speaks Spanish but if nothing else, my mother will teach it to her grandchildren (I made her promise to speak only Spanish to them).

Okay, okay! I'll finish up
          Do I know any men that fit my criteria? I might know a few. All of the criteria? I can't say without knowing them better. I guess I should befriend them or maybe even (gasp) date. :P That's another funny thing. I'm noticing guys a lot more. There are few in which I passing interest and one I'm becoming properly attracted to. Who? Don't worry yourself. I don't take my crushes seriously and neither should you. If there is something to be serious about, I trust God to be in it every step of the way. I already have a spiritual relationship advisory team put together in my head: the first three people I know that know me and I can trust to give Godly counsel in wisdom, truth and love. Then, maybe, I'll talk to you. :P