A few thoughts on Biblical leadership

          I don't really consider myself a leader but today I found myself turning in my application to be on the BCM's leadership team again next year. Still, I just don't see it. This is the despite the fact that I was co-guild leader back in my WoW days, led a family group at Super Summer last year and have been co-leader of the missions team (and so on the BCM leadership team) this past school year. Oh, and I'm studying high school science education. What's up with that?
          The truth is, it's not about me. It's about God and God's people. Just about everyone in the Bible God called on to serve Him were not qualified by the world's standards. They were cowards (like Gideon), from lowly professions (David was a shepherd boy, Rahab was a prostitute) or handicapped (Abraham and Sarah were too old to have children, Moses might have been a stutterer). Much of the time, even they questioned God, "You want to use ME? Do you know who you're asking? I can't do that."
          Yet they did. When they stepped back from seeing their own shortcomings and failures and trusted in God to work, God came through! He did things with and through them that we still marvel at centuries later. A quote I've heard often is: "God doesn't call the equipped but equips the called."
          I've seen this in my own life. At Passion this year, I realized that I feared my problems were too big for God to work out or through. I wanted to let Him do amazing things with and through me but I was so worried I would get in the way and screw it up. All it takes a little reflection, though, to see how God has worked out and through my problems. That's sanctification. There will always an area in which we can grow more like Christ. It's not a bad thing at all. We'll never stop becoming more like Christ yet somehow more like who we were meant to be and I find that amazing.

          So what does it take to be a leader for God? Faith and obedience. Faith is why you trusted in Him in the first place; it's what will help you obey. Sometimes we're told to wait, other times to act. If we just do as He says, He does the rest. He planned for it way in advance!
          Fall of 2011 (see 3rd paragraph), I was itching to act on my faith but I didn't know what. Then Dustin Sams comes to the BCM worship and preaches out of James, faith results in works. He plugs staffing Super Summer and I applied. I'm a sedentary introvert. Why would I go to a camp hosting 2,800 teens, screaming, yelling, dancing and acting like a fool to get them pumped up? I was really anxious right on through the staff training in the days before the camp. But then something happened, I had a break down. It was during the second day of training and prep. I welcomed it. I was crying in the bathroom calling on God to work out of me what needed working out. People kept asking me what was wrong and trying to encourage me. I told them to let it be, it needed to happen.
          For the rest of the camp, I was fine. I was exhausted, losing my voice but I was still cheering, singing and dancing. I was an encouragement to the campers and fellow staffers. I got to know and love my girls, all 24 of them (12 each for the junior and senior camps). Guess what? At the end of the camp, I was crying again. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and it was over. Another staffer at breakfast the next day actually asked me if I was okay because I was so quiet. I had to explain: nothing's wrong, this is the normal me.
          In applying to staff, I was scared out of my wits but I knew God wanted me to do it. I knew I needed a challenge. Even now, I'm still daunted by what I'm being called to, and by the growth I desire and have asked for. Yet, when I've trusted in God and done as He asked, I've experienced amazing things. After faith and obedience, all I really need to be a leader is a love for and desire to serve others. In the end, we're not leaders to lord over subjects and make them do our bidding, we're servants working to build up and equip fellow believers to do and be what God desires (Ephesians 4:11-13). I have that. I can do that. So I will.

Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Think and Remember

          So much has happened since my last post. I've started several posts but not posted any of them. I'll recount the events of the past month or so as briefly as possible but I doubt this will be a short post.
          First, there was the Halloween party at Drew's place. It was a blast. We all headed down to this hometown. Upon arrival we were once again whisked away to tree-shaded roads and open fields in the darkness. There was a hay ride and we were to scare the children and their parents as best we could. I spent two hours in a deep stand with Caitlin, talking about stuff and trying to find a scary ring-tone to use when the hay ride came by. I stayed the night and in the morning we went to church there in town.
          On the ride back, I decided to take part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's a challenge where one must write 50,000 words in 30 days (in this case, November). I chose to work on the prequel in my Ka'ne-Yuri series, Prelude, for NaNoWriMo. I've been wanting to lay down the background for quite a while now (and not just saying, "This happened"), so that's what I did. You can check out the postings I have so far in the NaNoWriMo 2009 folder of my deviantART gallery.
          I was okay for the first week but the third week really threw me. I was swamped with school. In the final days I boosted the word count from 25,806 to 46,134. I didn't quite make it to 50k to win but I wrote about 10,400 words in a single day. I came back after my 1pm class and sat from 2pm to nearly 1am writing. I got up maybe twice, once to eat and another for the restroom. It came out to about 1,000 words an hour. I normally write 1-2k in 3-4 hours, so this was huge. It was emotional for me write so much in a single go. I tend to feel characters' emotions when writing or even reading and there was a lot of bad stuff going on in the part I wrote. Check out my NaNoWriMo profile.
          I taught my first actual lesson before a real 9th grade physical science class. I did better than I thought but I need to slow down and work on my classroom management skills. That's okay because I'm taking it in the spring (WIN!).
          There was a Pre-Thanksgiving dinner the Sunday before Thanksgiving. It was a rather stressful evening but the food was amazing. I decided it was a good taste of what actual Thanksgivings are like for people.
          Tuesday our parents came up and visited us. They made it early enough to visit Christ Church's Tuesday night meetings. They understand now why I am willing to drive 20 minutes out of town to church. It's that good of a family.
          Wednesday my brother, our parents and I saw Blind Side, a movie about an African-American young man who gets taken in by an affluent white family and becomes a good football player. After the movie, we went to our usual Japanese Hibachi grill and sushi bar. It was nice to be with the family again. I had another dinner with Katie's family (her mom, her aunt and long time boyfriend) my brother and our parents were there, too. It was a nice afternoon, eating and watching TV, relaxing. My parents went back home Friday and I was alone for a few days. It was then I started again on the writing for NaNoWriMo.
          Did I mention I dropped University Physics I? Yeah, I'm retaking it in the spring. I'm also failing organic chemistry II but it doesn't bother me for some reason. Being a senior has its perks when it comes to signing up for classes. We get to sign up first. After talking with my adviser I signed up for: University Physics I, Organic Chemistry II (with Tarkka, I loved his class the first time I took organic I, he's entertaining but also a good teacher :P), Organic Spectroscopy, and Classroom Management with Mr. Ward (I loved his Learning and Development class in the spring).
          You'd think that I should be bothered by repeating two classes from this semester in the spring but I'm fine. I've noticed that I was not motivated to study at all for organic; strange, right? I came to the realization that it's okay because I'll be exactly where I need to be. God has really been working in my life these past several months and I came to realization only in the past couple of days.
          I am so glad Caitlin has started coming to Christ Church with us, her change and growth over the past couple of weeks is amazing and I thank God for that. I've seen God at work all semester and it just blows me away to think of what happened. I've learned to trust in Him so much more now. I'm also talking with him very regularly. I pray and talk to Him throughout the day and it has been a blessing. Christ Church has been a huge part of my life and I love my brothers and sisters so much, it's impossible to contain.
          Thursday we had our last Christ Church Conway of the semester. We read through Ephesians in one go and talked about the letter. It was very encouraging. A few of us hung out for a few hours and then we all went to IHOP at midnight to celebrate the end of the semester with an extended group of friends. It was a blast. Except for the terrifying feeling that I later determined was caused by food. Neurological reactions to food are bad. I was freaking out and feeling really uncomfortable. It happened again last night. The irrational fear could not be rationalized away and clearly the food was causing extreme anxiety. If it happens again tonight, I'll know what it is and deal accordingly.
          My dear friends; brothers and sisters, I love you and wish all the best for you. Oh wait, our dearest Grace will be leaving for a semester abroad in France. We love you and will miss you sorely. Go forth and be awesome in France. We'll hold together just fine, sister. Remember, God's got your back (and mine and ours :D) and if you just talk to Him, you'll know. Love, hope, grace, and peace to you until we meet again.

-M.B.