Can't get away from it

Can't get away from talking about relationships
          As much as I hate talking about love and relationships...I love talking about love and relationships. I suppose as it has as much to do with my aversion (once paper-cut, twice machete-shy) as it does that I'm still working to understand it all. Chances are, I'll never fully realize that understanding. We're defined by our relationships, or lack thereof, whether we like it or not. I realized that in the past year. It keeps coming up; a truth I can't avoid. That's okay with me, though. Self discovery often means stumbling onto familiar paths. I forget what I learn so easily. I forget myself so often. I need the reminders.
          I thought I was okay with being single six months ago but looking back, I really wasn't. I was very anti-relationship, at least romantically, even to the point of feeling antagonistic towards some of those those that were in such relationships. That's not healthy. I'm starting to see them in a healthier light but I still feel very jaded to the poor imitations that the world would push upon us. Since August, I've been a shown a clearer picture of what I need in a husband and I've discovered more of what exactly it is that I want.

Maturity and marriage
          Just in the past week or so, I'm seeing a theme among Christian married couples: they had gotten to the point where they okay with being single; basically saying, "Okay, God, it's just you and me; I wouldn't have it any other way." That's hit home for me. I want to be there; it seems to be a mark of maturity, something attainable with God's help. If I reach that point, I could be single my whole life but maybe (just maybe) I'd meet my husband.
          That isn't to say I want it so I can marry (lol). I'd decided last fall that the point of my life is to glorify God and further his kingdom. To that end only would I marry, that clearly more could be accomplished in a covenant marriage relationship than I or my husband could do alone (perhaps even with others). I find that beautiful (some of you are shaking your head, I'm sure, lol) but really, what else is there? I find no greater joy than what I have in the Lord.

What I desire in a mate
          So what exactly do I need and want in a husband? [assuming I marry] I need man who is serious about his faith and earnestly seeking after God. I need someone who is like Christ: patient, truthful and kind; joyful but focused, passionate and wise. Someone who sees the best in me, will hold me accountable to a higher standard and believe that I can achieve it, will steady me when I stumble and calm my stormy seas, lift me up when I am depressed, move me when I can't move myself. That is the man I need, as long as he has these attributes the rest doesn't matter.
          I want [in descending importance] a man who is sensible and intelligent. I don't care what he does as long as he loves it. A nerd/geek would be nice, he doesn't necessarily have to nerd out over science, computers, math or games; it can be literature, music, paintings or politics. Physically, I find glasses very attractive but (again) not necessary; as long as it's a healthy range I don't really care about weight. I tell myself I prefer blondes but I've found myself attracted to men with darker hair more often than not. It'd be kind of cool to marry someone who speaks Spanish but if nothing else, my mother will teach it to her grandchildren (I made her promise to speak only Spanish to them).

Okay, okay! I'll finish up
          Do I know any men that fit my criteria? I might know a few. All of the criteria? I can't say without knowing them better. I guess I should befriend them or maybe even (gasp) date. :P That's another funny thing. I'm noticing guys a lot more. There are few in which I passing interest and one I'm becoming properly attracted to. Who? Don't worry yourself. I don't take my crushes seriously and neither should you. If there is something to be serious about, I trust God to be in it every step of the way. I already have a spiritual relationship advisory team put together in my head: the first three people I know that know me and I can trust to give Godly counsel in wisdom, truth and love. Then, maybe, I'll talk to you. :P

5 Love Songs That Don't Annoy Me

          It seems most of the so-called love songs out there are sappy/needy or hypersexual. It was tough but with a little thought, I was able to come up with five. These are all songs I personally like. I tried to pick different artists and I think they're all from somewhat different genres, as well. So here they are:

5. Giving Up by Ingrid Michaelson
          At first listen, it seems a rather melancholy song but it's more optimistic than you would think. It's a series of "What if..." questions. This one's fun, peppered with whimsical lyrics in between deeper questions: "What if there's always cups in the sink?/What if I'm not what you think/I am?" I think she's giving up wondering, worrying, guessing and divining all the things that could go wrong with the relationship and trusting her lover instead.

4. A Message by Coldplay
          Naturally, there would be a Coldplay song on the list. Haha! A Message claims from the first phrase, "My song is love." It expresses it such simple and straightforward lyrics. The best part though, is the in chorus. It's unrepentant and unabashed love. "And I'm not gonna take it back./And I'm not gonna say I don't mean that./You're the target that I'm aimin' at./Gotta get my message home."

3. Falling for You by Seabird
          I don't think Seabird is that well known. It's a shame if that's true, though, because their music is fantastic. Like Switchfoot, they could have broad appeal but their lyrics have Christian overtones that encourage fellow believers. I digress. Fallin' is a bright sunrise on a beach you didn't even know you were standing on. It's a little like "A Message" in its honest confession but more of a wide-eyed first love feel. It's glorious as that sunrise and as wondrous, too. "I'm fallin', I'm fallin' for you/Oh daring, it's finally true/And I won't let your heart turn to stone/'Cause when I found you my heart found a home."

2. Satellite by Guster
          I can't finish this list without a nerdy love song. (I suppose I could have mentioned MC Chris's Nrrrd Grrrl but I don't love it like this one.) It has a great spacy feel with the electronic instrumentations. "Shining like a work of art/Hanging on a wall of stars./Are you what I think you are?//You're my satellite/You're riding with me tonight/Passenger side, lighting the sky/Always the first star that I find..." With such adoring, rather poetic (and nerdy) lyrics like that, it's a hard song to beat. However, there's one more...

1. Collide by Jon Foreman (lead singer of Switchfoot)
          This was the only recording I could find on youtube of this song, it starts about a minute in. I was there when he played this song during an aftershow in October. It was a handful of loyal fans, Jon, a guitar and the chilly midnight air. It was so beautiful and totally worth the wait in the cold late at night. There's a purity of emotion in his music and it's especially true of this song. These lyrics seem born of a love nurtured over a lifetime. Love isn't always easy but if it's true, if you're true, you'll work at it. "We've had our disagreements/Our separate points of view/The thread that runs between us/Could be the thread that pulls us through."

          Maybe that's why I love that last song so much: it's genuine and realistic. I know I seem really jaded when it comes to love but maybe this gives you a better idea of how I see it. I'm not romantic by most people's standards but I appreciate real love, true love, God's love.