Not looking to my own interests

          Recently a few people have encouraged me to, um, maybe not be forward, but at least say something to my crush. Yeah, I have one, in case you didn't know. Well, sort of. I'm okay as long as I'm not around him, otherwise I feel like I'm literally going crazy and I do not enjoy it. No, I don't intend to say anything to his face. Why? I can give a litany of reasons/excuses (take your pick) but in the end I care more about the friendships I do have than whether some guy likes me back. That and the whole crush-comes-and-goes thing. Oh, and marriage isn't something we can take to heaven. He's a friend and brother in Christ. We're going to the same place; that's enough.
          In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus talks about not worrying. Granted, food, clothes and shelter are the focus but why should it not include romantic relationships? God's in control and He's on my side. I've got better things to do, like pour my time and energy into my other relationships. Those are worth working for. Those are the treasures I can build up in heaven. Either I marry someone with whom I can further God's kingdom better than going it alone or with someone else, or I don't marry at all. Otherwise, what's the point? I don't feel like working or fighting for something that's not mine to chase.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Bring it

January 5, 2013
          When I woke, all I could think was: Bring it. Bring it God. Whatever You want, bring it. I'm ready. It'll hurt like...hell but heal like heaven. Break me down, strip me down and flesh me out again. Mold me like clay. Bring it, God!     bring it.

December 1, 2013
          Bring it, Mishal. Now is the time. Remember January? How you woke up one day and asked God to "bring it"? To break you down and tear down walls, all to remake you in the image and form He desires? Now is the time to rise to the challenge. You can do this. He is making you into a formidable yet humble and loving woman of God. He has brought you this far. Now rise to the challenge you asked for. Rise, for the Lord is calling you to action, to service, to follow, to obedience.

          One of the crazy things about this year is that God really did "bring it". I challenged Him to test me and make me more into the person He wants me to be. It's exactly what is happening even now. I am not who I was a year ago or even four months ago. It is only in reflection that I see it. Still, the "bringing" of "it" is not quite over. I still have more to face. More to overcome and grow into. Lately, though, I'd been feeling weak. I wasn't sure I could change. I couldn't bring myself to do what needed doing. I was in a rut. Maybe I still am.
          I've been slowly reading through the the gospel of Luke for the past month. Yesterday I read 11:27-32. That Jesus had said, "...those who hear the word of God and keep it are blessed!" stuck out to me because in church we're studying Matthew's gospel and we've been in the Beatitudes the last few weeks (up to verse 9 as of last week). I didn't allow myself to reflect on it but moved on with my day.
          Yet, today I woke up and wrote that down in my journal. I hunger and thirst for righteousness. So, I will chase it. I will bring it. I can't let anything stop me.

"Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed, for they will be filled."
          - Matthew 5:6
"And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
          - Colossians 3:17