Washing in the Word

          Washing in the Word is an applicable metaphor for reading, studying and meditating on Scripture, at least in my life. When I was a kid, I hated having to take showers and baths. I can't remember why; maybe it was a passive-aggressive way to defy my parents or something. Anyway, I fought it but when I finally got in the warm water, I didn't want to leave. Now I enjoy them without the initial reluctance. You may agree feeling clean after a shower or bath is one of the lovely, simple pleasures in life. If not, well, I'm sorry. Just like the kid me regarding baths, I initially fought reading the Bible but once I surrendered to it, I enjoyed it and felt cleaner afterward.
          I've gotten better about being faithful to read and at least note what I'm reading each day. Sometimes I merely recap in my journal what I read. Other times, I'm able to connect it to overall themes and/or other verses or passages. Many times, I'm able to connect it to something in my life that I need to do, learn, or remember. Those are some of the best days. There are still mornings when I'm reluctant but when I dig in and work to push aside (with varying success) the distractions and reluctance, I feel better. Peace washes over me. I'm given focus. I feel God's presence. I feel less weighed down and muddied by circumstances and sin. I don't really want to leave it behind but I know I'm made clean and ready for the day. Because of it, I've grown in my faith, found guidance, hope and peace in tough times, gained wisdom, and been able to comfort and counsel those who needed it.
          Now as far I know, the only phrase similar to "washing in the Word" is used in Ephesians 5:26, which is a command to husbands to do this for their wives just as Christ does for the church. You don't need a husband to do this for you. Jesus does it for us, if only we'll surrender to it. There are several verses that recount the joys of reading and meditating on Scripture as well as their necessity to the Christian walk. Chapters, articles, devotionals, and Bible studies have been written on it. There are probably even whole books out there dedicated to it. I hope my experience encourages you to start, or continue to be faithful in, "washing in the Word" daily. For now, though, I'll leave you with a single stanza from Psalm 119. I recommend reading the whole Psalm; it was really hard to pick just one part.

How can a young person stay on the path of purity?
    By living according to your word.
I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.
Praise be to you, Lord;
    teach me your decrees.
With my lips I recount
    all the laws that come from your mouth.
I rejoice in following your statutes
    as one rejoices in great riches.
I meditate on your precepts
    and consider your ways.
I delight in your decrees;
    I will not neglect your word.
-Psalm 119:9-16 (NIV)

Rational Mercy

Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts: If...showing mercy, with cheerfulness.
Romans 12:4-6,8

          I was filling out an application for a program when I came to a question that asked what I thought my spiritual gifts are and how I've used them. The first thing I thought of was mercy. A few years ago, I was told that was my gifting (or at least one of my gifts). When I was first told, I was unsure but after some thought, it made sense. Over the years, I've seen how people expect mercy to be expressed compared to how I actually showed mercy. Others' expectations seemed somewhat contradictory to my nature. Many people I've talked to describe an example of showing mercy as crying with someone who's got cancer. I don't openly express emotion most of the time and I'm uncomfortable with others' display of emotion, especially strong ones. I'm fairly rational and readily offer advice or solutions. So how does that work?

What is mercy?
          Let's define mercy. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines mercy (in part) as "kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly" or "kindness or help given to people who are in a very bad or desperate situation". What does it mean to be kind? Back to the dictionary: kind "of a sympathetic or helpful nature", "of a forbearing nature: gentle," "arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance". Ooo, forbearance, I like that word: "the quality of someone who is patient and able to deal with a difficult person or situation without becoming angry". Mercy is often grouped with compassion (a feeling of wanting to help someone) and empathy (understanding and sharing their experience/emotions), both of which I tend to experience for those I show mercy to. All that can involve crying with someone but it doesn't have to. How do I rationally perform this?

Showing mercy
          First: I'm not always rational. I'm not a robot. I have emotions. Most of the time, I'm merely calm and content. Every once in a while, circumstances results in a push from my calm equilibrium. I get anxious, sad or angry. Sometimes even hyper or manic moods make me feel off-balance. In those times, I'm not rational. I can't focus and make good decisions. That's when I need someone to remind me of what I already know or teach me something new to respond to the situation. Then I can re-center and regain equilibrium. That is something I can do for others. A lot of things may differentiate me from other people but everything I have experienced is similar to what someone else has experienced or will experience.
          This is how I'm able to show mercy. I have empathy for someone; I have been where they are, struggling with the same emotions. I have compassion; I want to help. Finally, I give mercy. I show kindness by loving someone and patiently helping them with their problem. I tell them what helped me when I was there. I tell them what they can do about the situation. I point them back to scripture (2 Tim 3:16, Ps 119: yes, all of it) and the rational truth (Romans 12:2, 1 Pet 5:8-9, Phil 4:4-9) to combat emotional lies (Jer 17:9) we allow ourselves to believe. I remind them to focus on God (Psalm 37:4, Matt 6:33) because most often, that's what they need. I see a need and I meet it.
          The Parable of the Good Samaritan is a classic example. It was a study on this story in church that made me realize that's how I need to show mercy and how I have shown it. The Samaritan in the story may or may not have been waylaid and left for dead by robbers but he did see victim's need and meet it. Crying with the seriously injured man and saying, "I'm so sorry this happened to you but don't worry; it'll be okay." wouldn't have helped him. He needed medical attention and that's what he got. He needed longer term care and time to recuperate; the Samaritan ensured that on his own dime.
          A little aside: In the social and historical context, it's a huge thing for a Samaritan to help a Jew like that. It's almost like...a Westboro member getting that kind help from a gay atheist. That kind of mercy is radical. It can change lives. That's the sort of life Jesus demonstrated and called us to live as well: a life motivated by love.

     Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
     Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9

     Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so through Christ our comfort also overflows. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is experienced in your endurance of the same sufferings that we suffer.
2 Corinthians 1:3-6

Not looking to my own interests

          Recently a few people have encouraged me to, um, maybe not be forward, but at least say something to my crush. Yeah, I have one, in case you didn't know. Well, sort of. I'm okay as long as I'm not around him, otherwise I feel like I'm literally going crazy and I do not enjoy it. No, I don't intend to say anything to his face. Why? I can give a litany of reasons/excuses (take your pick) but in the end I care more about the friendships I do have than whether some guy likes me back. That and the whole crush-comes-and-goes thing. Oh, and marriage isn't something we can take to heaven. He's a friend and brother in Christ. We're going to the same place; that's enough.
          In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus talks about not worrying. Granted, food, clothes and shelter are the focus but why should it not include romantic relationships? God's in control and He's on my side. I've got better things to do, like pour my time and energy into my other relationships. Those are worth working for. Those are the treasures I can build up in heaven. Either I marry someone with whom I can further God's kingdom better than going it alone or with someone else, or I don't marry at all. Otherwise, what's the point? I don't feel like working or fighting for something that's not mine to chase.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Bring it

January 5, 2013
          When I woke, all I could think was: Bring it. Bring it God. Whatever You want, bring it. I'm ready. It'll hurt like...hell but heal like heaven. Break me down, strip me down and flesh me out again. Mold me like clay. Bring it, God!     bring it.

December 1, 2013
          Bring it, Mishal. Now is the time. Remember January? How you woke up one day and asked God to "bring it"? To break you down and tear down walls, all to remake you in the image and form He desires? Now is the time to rise to the challenge. You can do this. He is making you into a formidable yet humble and loving woman of God. He has brought you this far. Now rise to the challenge you asked for. Rise, for the Lord is calling you to action, to service, to follow, to obedience.

          One of the crazy things about this year is that God really did "bring it". I challenged Him to test me and make me more into the person He wants me to be. It's exactly what is happening even now. I am not who I was a year ago or even four months ago. It is only in reflection that I see it. Still, the "bringing" of "it" is not quite over. I still have more to face. More to overcome and grow into. Lately, though, I'd been feeling weak. I wasn't sure I could change. I couldn't bring myself to do what needed doing. I was in a rut. Maybe I still am.
          I've been slowly reading through the the gospel of Luke for the past month. Yesterday I read 11:27-32. That Jesus had said, "...those who hear the word of God and keep it are blessed!" stuck out to me because in church we're studying Matthew's gospel and we've been in the Beatitudes the last few weeks (up to verse 9 as of last week). I didn't allow myself to reflect on it but moved on with my day.
          Yet, today I woke up and wrote that down in my journal. I hunger and thirst for righteousness. So, I will chase it. I will bring it. I can't let anything stop me.

"Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed, for they will be filled."
          - Matthew 5:6
"And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
          - Colossians 3:17

What am I motivated by?

          When I think of "not for men" part of Colossians 3:23, I can't help but feel "men" includes our own selves. Is what I do done for my own comfort? Convenience? Safety? Pride? Reputation? It seems to me that anything done for any other reason than for God and His kingdom is done for ourselves. All sin, then, is a form of self-idolatry (Colossians 3:5). By choosing to act in a way contrary to His will, I'm saying I know better and that I should be God. I'm telling Him that He's not enough for me and I don't trust Him. How much would it hurt if someone I loved expressed that to me? That a gift or plans I prepared for them were so brashly rejected?
          So what am I motivated by? What do I want to be motivated by? The Bible tells us "the greatest...is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13). When I consider the whole chapter, I realize that love for God and love for people should be what motivates me (Colossians 3:14-15). It motivates me to work hard, be patient, bear anything, continue when it seems hopeless, to forgive and trust even when hurt. Perfect, complete love casts out fear (1 John 4:17-19). There's no room for hate or struggling for my "due" (Philippians 2:5-6). Then I find myself doing "brave" and "kind" things, though at the time they seem "stupid" or "weak", it'll be worth it in the end (Galatians 6:9).

Jump start for the soul

          This evening I had the perfect opportunity to share the gospel...and I didn't. Why? I'm not good with words, lead-ins, talking in general, I'm out of practice, I'm shy....take your pick. Still, none of those are good excuses. What would you have done in my situation? I'll share some verses at the end that came to mind.
          It started with a craving. I really wanted something cold and full of sugar. I also really needed to study, so I took a textbook along. Coupon in hand, I head over to Sonic for a 99¢ Route 44 tub-of-future-diabetes cherry slush. I hang around, planning to stay until I've read what I needed to read.
          While I was reading, someone pulled into a space to my right. It was an older car, didn't look to be in the best shape. He stuck around after ordering his food (or drink, wasn't paying attention). Then he tried to start his car. Tried. It made a repetitive sound I've learned to associate with a dead battery. Not something you want at 7:45pm.
          As he continued to try starting the car, I began to think I should get out of my car and offer my help. I plan out a simple question like: Do you need fuel or a jump start? Still I kept my silence and continued reading, with an occasional glance up. He rootws around the backseat and his trunk before opening his hood. Just as I finish reading the chapter, he tapped on my passenger window. Well, no avoiding it now!
          He mentions a dead battery and could I help jump start his car? Sure! After some searching, and then fighting with the lever to pop the front, hood...the jumper cables wouldn't reach. He thanked me and seemed to be considering other options. I recommended a solution: pull out of the spaces, park along the edge of the parking lot [so we're out of the way] with the cars facing each other. I'm fairly proud of the scheme, honestly, especially since it worked!
          With his car started, he thanked me and apologized again for the trouble. I insisted multiple times that it was nothing at all. The whole time, I thought "I need to share the gospel, just say something about Jesus!" Yet I didn't say it. John Mayer had been singing a well-known refrain over Sonic's speakers, "Say what you need to say." I'll let that sink in. Off he drove. I went on my way home as well. The whole [short] ride back, I wondered why I didn't say anything. What sort of person was he? Did he already know Jesus? I could have easily used an analogy, "I have a jump-start for your soul! Let me tell you about Jesus." A few Bible passages popped into my head.
          The woman at the well: That cheesy jump start for the soul? It's not unlike Jesus telling the woman at the well that He has living water which will eternally quench thirst and even become a source for that water. Whoa, totally cool! You want to talk about Jesus jukes, Jesus himself had them down. Also: here in the South, it may be an issue for some people to help a minority. Oh yeah, the guy I helped was African-American, big deal [read: sarcasm]. We need to look past those boundaries. Jesus, a Jew, spoke to the Samaritan woman. In those days, Jews really hated Samaritans for being spiritual and maybe even genealogical half-breeds, is it were. Jesus didn't hate her, He helped her! Why can't I help someone who seemed a perfectly respectable person? Even if he wasn't, who am I to deny that help? Maybe it's exactly what he needed for a nudge in the right direction.
          Matthew 25:31-41 (especially verse 40): Am I not to help those we consider even least among us? It really is no inconvenience to help someone, especially if it is in my power to do so? See also Proverbs 3:27 paired with James 4:17, talk about conviction.
          Finally, 1 Peter 3:5: The truth is I was not prepared to explain why I had so freely agreed to help. I need to be more intentional about the opportunities I'm given, plain and simple--though, perhaps, not easy.

Do I regret becoming a Christian?

          "Well I just don't want you to wake up one day and regret it," my brother finally said.
          I insisted that would never happen but he scoffed. I was trying to explain how God had changed my life but I felt I wasn't doing a very good job of it. I stared out at the window as he drove, briefly pondering the creeping green tide of kudzu slowly engulfing the Mississippi countryside. I silently prayed for the right words but none came. I shifted subjects. There was no point in continuing. I was merely arguing.
          In the weeks since that conversation, I've thought about it off and on. I don't regret my decision to follow Christ. In my case, it was a clear yet gentle invitation and undramatic acceptance. It just made sense to me. It was followed, a few months later, with a firm and inspiring, "Do this on purpose." So I did. I haven't looked back since. No matter the struggles or dry spells, the times I'd wondered, "Have I really changed?" I had assurance in my choice and in God's never letting me go.
          Why? All I have to do is dig out one of my notebooks from the past four or so years and see the difference. I can see the person I used to be, full of anger and hatred for the world and all that was in it. (Except my cat, but he made me sneeze.) I was directionless, lonely, and anxious. I'm amazed I had any friends. I can read the lessons I've learned, the blessings I've received, the love I'm continually growing in. Whenever I doubt, I can remember what God has done in and through my life. How many times did He tell Israel: "Remember when I rescued you and made you mine."? He has never let me down; despite all my failures and imperfections, I've never been alone. He takes care of His own.
          Sometimes I wonder if my brother sees my "getting super religious" and becoming Christian means a boat load of rules and regulations; that I miss out on all the fun and live a "safe," sheltered life. But I don't feel I've missed out. What have I missed? I'm happy to have "missed out" on hangovers, losing all I am and have to drugs, post-hook up blues, pregnancy and STD scares, or the constant, anxious struggle to keep up with the Joneses.
          My life is so much more. I've been stretched and challenged to live with reckless faith. For God, I do things I would never have dreamed I could do, much less, wanted to do and become someone I never thought I could be. Do I regret it? No. My only regrets are the times I didn't trust God, to wait or act exactly as He told me when He told me the first time.
          If this is turns out to be the greatest farce in all of history, it will be sad, yes, but I won't regret a moment. God called me to be His agent in this world and build His kingdom on earth, on based on truth and love. All I have to do is love others and show them kindness even when I'm hated and hurt, be an eager and humble servant no matter my position or "due", have a grateful attitude in all situations even when it seems there's nothing to be thankful for, not worrying about anything but trusting to only concern myself with my part to play. What is there to regret?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Timothy 4:7

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Philippians 3:12