I've known for a while now that my personality has settled into the Myers-Briggs Type known as INTP or according to Keirsey, the Rational Architect. Such knowledge has been useful in being mindful of my weaknesses and focusing to develop my strengths. Lately I've been learning what my friends' types are and what that means for the relationship. It's common for conflicts to arise from differences in personality. For instance, my roommate has a strong "feeling" preference while mine is more "thinking". She may view me as too rational and maybe even cold at times while I may see her has annoyingly irrational because she's not thinking with her head. I value knowledge and competence, she may not so much. She has a strong sense of morality and justice, the world is in black and white. I see shades of gray. You can see where we might butt heads (and believe me, we do).
This all helps me keep things in perspective. Contrary to popular belief, I am not the center of the universe and not everyone thinks and feels as I do. I hope to continue learning about myself and others so that we can all work together to our strengths and overcoming our weaknesses.
So tell me about yourself! Take this test: http://similarminds.com/jung.html. Check out more info on your result at Personality Page, which has not only an overview of your personality but also info that may help in choosing careers, understanding your type in relationships and even direction on personal growth. Keirsey's website also has plenty of good information to work with: your personality, working with other types in work, school, family and love. Finally, Socionics has some fascinating information on relationships between the types: what to expect, what it is, strengths and weaknesses inherent to your type of relationship. I'd love to see how your personality matches up with mine.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Road Trip! (Week 2)
Anyway, Sunday we head east to Yosemite Valley in Yosemite National Park. It was green and lovely as I remember. An oasis in an otherwise dry part of the country. Civilization ends, we go there. :P As soon as we get there we take a hike up Vernal Falls, 3 miles round trip, 1000ft gain and rated as "strenuous". I was so out of shape for that hike, my legs hurt for days. 1.5 miles up 1000 ft doesn't sound so bad until you've walked five minutes up a steep grade and realize you've still got a long way to go. The first half was challenging enough for me. It was paved and wide and only went to the bridge. The second was pure evil, it was called the Mist Trail because of the mist coming from the falls at one part. Many places the black-top was simply not present, you were walking up dirt and rock. At a couple stretches in the last quarter of the hike you're climbing steep steps cut into the stone. At the top I call it quits and decide to take a break, already deciding the climb was not worth it. David goes on with Dad to Nevada Falls, another 1000 ft and 1.2 miles up the trail.
When we make it back down, we settle into our tent cabin in Curry Village and go to dinner. During the night, a bear apparently wanders into the Village. I never hear it but the ruckus the park service employees (I'm assuming) woke me up. A woman was yelling "BEAR! BEAR! BEAR!" A gun (probably blank) was shot off, that or fireworks. I honestly think I was as scared as the bear. I kept praying, "no bear, not here, no bear" or something like that. It took me probably twenty minutes just to calm down, I was so terrified. My parents and David hardly noticed, they might have heard the shots and then gone back to sleep. I don't appreciate being such a light sleep in these situations. No wonder I'm a nervous wreck. :O
Next day we float the Merced River (part of the reason I want to name a future daughter Mercedes) but it was so cold. They had opened it up just a few days before we came. I think Dad said that if the sum of the water and air temperatures is at or below 100 degrees Fahrenheit then people aren't allowed to raft it. I blame the heavy winter snows. They made it way too cold, and high. I was eaten alive by mosquitoes when we tried to take a break on the shore. Those suckers bite hard. I still have red marks but at least I knew not to scratch them and they stopped itching after five minutes of being left alone.
That night I sleep a bit better but those beds were too firm and hips did not appreciate, though Mom liked them. Tuesday we decide not to take a small hike or ride but leave straight away on home. Rising out of the valley into the mountains was beautiful; cool, clean, high air, rolling granite with evergreen and slightly marshy meadows so inviting, not a cloud in the sky. Beyond the rain shadow, the landscape is much bleaker. Dry, crumbling mountains. Descending into the valley below, the heat is stifling. Only an open 450 degree oven has felt hotter to me. Yet, life still thrives. Some water makes into parts of the valley. Outside Bishop, grass and smooth-barked trees with silver-backed leaves around the river and hosting roaming cows in places.
We stop in Barstow, stuck there and not farther down road by a reservation. We make the most of it by dipping in the pool and seeing Despicable Me (Tuesday discount FTW!). The first little minion that appeared reminded me of Matt for some reason, not a bad one to be sure. Gru, the main character, seemed like a surly version Cris, who I know would never so miserable. That was strange. Lol. Next day we endure a 12 hour drive to Albuquerque. This time Arizona was much more pleasant. It was probably the rain (which had sadly caused flooding for them the preceding weekend), the greener landscapes and Williams. Williams as a town near the Grand Canyon. We took train ride to the Canyon. A couple of cowboys pretended to rob the train except they gave us all cola instead of taking anything. We ate at the best Mexican restaurant you'll ever visit. Three times, we've been; three times we've walked away calling it the best. It's the best. I can't remember the name though. :( It's near the train tracks if you're ever in the area.
Hopped up on a red bull cola, I take the wheel for five hours, getting us to Grants. My dad drove the remaining 65 miles after that. Thursday I hang out with Laura. I sit on a literature class in which they were discussing a very deep book about sexual oppression and obsession. I think. The conversation was a bit awkward to listen to and I tried to focus on reading new articles on NPR's website instead. We hang out at the hotel for an hour after that before visiting Laura's place. We meet her cat (sweet and shaved to look like a lion with boots and tail with fire at the end), her dogs, and her brother Ken. We have dinner at a New Mexican restaurant. It was good but after all those chips the portions were HUGE. Actually, even without the chips there was too much. Laura, my parents and I joined her for an evening concert and David hung out with Ken for the rest of the evening. They seemed to hit it off pretty well after about 12 years of not really keeping in touch. The concert was pleasant. It was held in a church. Rich woods made up the wall behind the pulpit, the rest of the church was a simple white with columns, tall windows in the lower part and at the higher part of the walls were stained glass windows. The ceiling was the point of interest for me, though. I'm not sure if it was painted illusion or it really had sky-blue velvet. The 8-pointed star lamps were really cool.
Friday we book it back to Texas. We can finally relax. Saturday, one of my mom's sisters came (her half sister Alma) flew in. Sunday, my mom, Alma, (her full sister) Silvia and mother (Melida, David and I call her Abuelita) fly out to Utah to visit Abuelita's ailing sister. There's some...colorful family history there but I'll spare you.
So now Dave and I are hanging out at the house, going from relaxed to a bit stagnant. Inception was good at least. There's only so much the internet (including WoW) and TV can do in terms of entertainment. Not much else to do since it's expensive to do much of anything (don't talk to me about parking at Six Flags). We made a nice dinner tonight: David did steamed chicken with herb mixed we found in the pantry, potatoes au gratin on the stove, and shredded zucchini squash. We even baked a butter yellow cake, frosted with butter-cream frosting and liberally colored with festive sprinkles (the tiny little round ones that come in blue, red, white, green, etc).
When we make it back down, we settle into our tent cabin in Curry Village and go to dinner. During the night, a bear apparently wanders into the Village. I never hear it but the ruckus the park service employees (I'm assuming) woke me up. A woman was yelling "BEAR! BEAR! BEAR!" A gun (probably blank) was shot off, that or fireworks. I honestly think I was as scared as the bear. I kept praying, "no bear, not here, no bear" or something like that. It took me probably twenty minutes just to calm down, I was so terrified. My parents and David hardly noticed, they might have heard the shots and then gone back to sleep. I don't appreciate being such a light sleep in these situations. No wonder I'm a nervous wreck. :O
Next day we float the Merced River (part of the reason I want to name a future daughter Mercedes) but it was so cold. They had opened it up just a few days before we came. I think Dad said that if the sum of the water and air temperatures is at or below 100 degrees Fahrenheit then people aren't allowed to raft it. I blame the heavy winter snows. They made it way too cold, and high. I was eaten alive by mosquitoes when we tried to take a break on the shore. Those suckers bite hard. I still have red marks but at least I knew not to scratch them and they stopped itching after five minutes of being left alone.
That night I sleep a bit better but those beds were too firm and hips did not appreciate, though Mom liked them. Tuesday we decide not to take a small hike or ride but leave straight away on home. Rising out of the valley into the mountains was beautiful; cool, clean, high air, rolling granite with evergreen and slightly marshy meadows so inviting, not a cloud in the sky. Beyond the rain shadow, the landscape is much bleaker. Dry, crumbling mountains. Descending into the valley below, the heat is stifling. Only an open 450 degree oven has felt hotter to me. Yet, life still thrives. Some water makes into parts of the valley. Outside Bishop, grass and smooth-barked trees with silver-backed leaves around the river and hosting roaming cows in places.
We stop in Barstow, stuck there and not farther down road by a reservation. We make the most of it by dipping in the pool and seeing Despicable Me (Tuesday discount FTW!). The first little minion that appeared reminded me of Matt for some reason, not a bad one to be sure. Gru, the main character, seemed like a surly version Cris, who I know would never so miserable. That was strange. Lol. Next day we endure a 12 hour drive to Albuquerque. This time Arizona was much more pleasant. It was probably the rain (which had sadly caused flooding for them the preceding weekend), the greener landscapes and Williams. Williams as a town near the Grand Canyon. We took train ride to the Canyon. A couple of cowboys pretended to rob the train except they gave us all cola instead of taking anything. We ate at the best Mexican restaurant you'll ever visit. Three times, we've been; three times we've walked away calling it the best. It's the best. I can't remember the name though. :( It's near the train tracks if you're ever in the area.
Hopped up on a red bull cola, I take the wheel for five hours, getting us to Grants. My dad drove the remaining 65 miles after that. Thursday I hang out with Laura. I sit on a literature class in which they were discussing a very deep book about sexual oppression and obsession. I think. The conversation was a bit awkward to listen to and I tried to focus on reading new articles on NPR's website instead. We hang out at the hotel for an hour after that before visiting Laura's place. We meet her cat (sweet and shaved to look like a lion with boots and tail with fire at the end), her dogs, and her brother Ken. We have dinner at a New Mexican restaurant. It was good but after all those chips the portions were HUGE. Actually, even without the chips there was too much. Laura, my parents and I joined her for an evening concert and David hung out with Ken for the rest of the evening. They seemed to hit it off pretty well after about 12 years of not really keeping in touch. The concert was pleasant. It was held in a church. Rich woods made up the wall behind the pulpit, the rest of the church was a simple white with columns, tall windows in the lower part and at the higher part of the walls were stained glass windows. The ceiling was the point of interest for me, though. I'm not sure if it was painted illusion or it really had sky-blue velvet. The 8-pointed star lamps were really cool.
Friday we book it back to Texas. We can finally relax. Saturday, one of my mom's sisters came (her half sister Alma) flew in. Sunday, my mom, Alma, (her full sister) Silvia and mother (Melida, David and I call her Abuelita) fly out to Utah to visit Abuelita's ailing sister. There's some...colorful family history there but I'll spare you.
So now Dave and I are hanging out at the house, going from relaxed to a bit stagnant. Inception was good at least. There's only so much the internet (including WoW) and TV can do in terms of entertainment. Not much else to do since it's expensive to do much of anything (don't talk to me about parking at Six Flags). We made a nice dinner tonight: David did steamed chicken with herb mixed we found in the pantry, potatoes au gratin on the stove, and shredded zucchini squash. We even baked a butter yellow cake, frosted with butter-cream frosting and liberally colored with festive sprinkles (the tiny little round ones that come in blue, red, white, green, etc).
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Road trip! (Week 1)
The baptism was an understated affair, that's just fine with me. :) I'm thankful for everyone that could make it in person and appreciate those that were there in spirit. Immediately after we head on back to Texas. It was a long drive but we made it around midnight I think. We got Sunday to rest up and get some things together. Driving Monday, I almost couldn't believe that Mexico was only a few miles away. I wondered at how human borders aren't always defined on the landscape, why we try to keep something in or out. We get to El Paso and Dad mentions that crossing into Laredo is very dangerous. They shoot people there and the police are owned by the drug cartels or something. Suddenly borders seem like a good idea but the ones there may not be very effective if Laredo/El Paso is a major conduit for trafficking drugs. :(
Tuesday we pass through Arizona. I'd decided I liked that state the least, the desert there is particularly un-pretty and the atmosphere is unhealthy somehow. It felt wrong. Anyway, we hit California and stay in a lovely (i.e. really really up-class expensive) town Rancho Mirage. I'm certain the hostess at the Marie Callender's sat us the farthest back corner because we looked so frumpy. The room was nice, though, as were the pool and hot tub. :) Wednesday we make it to the Bay Area. I see my grandmother and uncle for the first time in seven years. They insisted if we hadn't sent them our graduation pictures in high school, they wouldn't have recognized us. We'd both grown so much. It was also decided that David looked like our (late) great uncle Gene (I think that's his name). It's the oval face and lop-sided smile. We had a great dinner (raviolis with rosa sauce I think), apple pie and ice cream, a game of hearts (I "won" with over 100 points).
Next day we go for a round of miniature golf, 18 holes of fun. The golf place is one we'd visited many times when we lived in California. It was fun to play through it again (even if I "won" yet again with a par of over 50). Friday we hit up the California Academy of Sciences. We'd been there once before but it was renovated a few years go with a green roof (lots of cool plants, including poppies, were growing up there), and naturally there were new exhibits as well. It was a lot of fun to walk through them all and absorb mounds of information present. If I could afford it, I'd love to bring even a few students when I become a teacher.
Saturday we went into San Francisco and checked out Fisherman's Wharf. The pier we started at was crowded (they all were actually), a farmer's market was going on. I wished so badly for thick wad of cash to buy gifts for you all! There were knit hats that looked like bears, jewelry of every kind, home decor like painted plates, light-switch and outlet faces (?), glass figurines (I saw several dragons), wind chimes, and so many other things. Street performers were intermittent, a group of friends playing around on unicycles, musicians from one-man bands, a man with either an accordion or guitar (he played a lovely melody and was kinda cute, lol), a bass player...the food looked great. Everything was touted as organic. It smelled as good as it looked. Peaches, tomatoes, oh so tempting. Fresh meats like fish, beef, not sure I saw chicken. We even found salmon candy. Very strange. We didn't buy it. We tried some cheese, it was amazing. I believe what we tasted was made from sheep's milk. It had a gentle flavor and texture, like this bit of white cheddar I'd tried a few stands before. It was worth over $20 a pound and we had nowhere to store it so we didn't get that either. :/ There was more inside this one building in front of the water (it might have been an old warehouse or ferry station), fish shops, a mushroom shop, coffee shop, chocolate, bread, pastries, sandwiches. I got kind of hungry but we didn't eat there. Instead we ate a few piers down. Mom insisted David try some crab (he liked it) and I got an amazing veggie pizza slice. I can still taste it, not greasy but not dry with fresh (real) cheese, onions, olives, bell peppers, mmm! So good.
After lunch we do a bay tour on a ferry (Alcatraz was sold out for the day). Got a good dose of history passing an old fort, the bay bridge, art museum, Alcatraz. I didn't know that San Francisco's hills weren't always covered in green grass, evergreen and eucalyptus. It was yellow grassy hillside like the rest of the Bay Area (makes sense...).
I take interest in a lot of things, hence the reason I say "I find it interesting that..." so often. I took note of the changing landscape as we headed west. The San Antonio/Hill Country area is unusually green, it's so far inland that often even the larger hurricanes that hit Houston barely sprinkle on most occasions. As we traveled north and west though, it did get drier. The light green gave way to darker, dirtier green to a brown I find quite ugly. Eventually the desert gives way to manufactured oases, to dry hills, to hills of dry golden summer grass, to farmland in the San Joachim valley. There were vineyards, orchards, farms, even cattle feed lots. In between it was rolling hills of that same golden grass. As we get closer to the Bay Area, more variety in the vegetation appears. If only the change in air was as pleasant. The air is clear through much of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona but as you near Los Angeles it gets dirty and hazy. It's quite sad, really; a state that tries to be so "green" has some of the worst air (and light) pollution I've witnessed. I often thought on this trip that my memories of this state were greener, more beautiful and pleasant than the reality. Then or now. Despite the mild disappointments, I still cherish them.
Tuesday we pass through Arizona. I'd decided I liked that state the least, the desert there is particularly un-pretty and the atmosphere is unhealthy somehow. It felt wrong. Anyway, we hit California and stay in a lovely (i.e. really really up-class expensive) town Rancho Mirage. I'm certain the hostess at the Marie Callender's sat us the farthest back corner because we looked so frumpy. The room was nice, though, as were the pool and hot tub. :) Wednesday we make it to the Bay Area. I see my grandmother and uncle for the first time in seven years. They insisted if we hadn't sent them our graduation pictures in high school, they wouldn't have recognized us. We'd both grown so much. It was also decided that David looked like our (late) great uncle Gene (I think that's his name). It's the oval face and lop-sided smile. We had a great dinner (raviolis with rosa sauce I think), apple pie and ice cream, a game of hearts (I "won" with over 100 points).
Next day we go for a round of miniature golf, 18 holes of fun. The golf place is one we'd visited many times when we lived in California. It was fun to play through it again (even if I "won" yet again with a par of over 50). Friday we hit up the California Academy of Sciences. We'd been there once before but it was renovated a few years go with a green roof (lots of cool plants, including poppies, were growing up there), and naturally there were new exhibits as well. It was a lot of fun to walk through them all and absorb mounds of information present. If I could afford it, I'd love to bring even a few students when I become a teacher.
Saturday we went into San Francisco and checked out Fisherman's Wharf. The pier we started at was crowded (they all were actually), a farmer's market was going on. I wished so badly for thick wad of cash to buy gifts for you all! There were knit hats that looked like bears, jewelry of every kind, home decor like painted plates, light-switch and outlet faces (?), glass figurines (I saw several dragons), wind chimes, and so many other things. Street performers were intermittent, a group of friends playing around on unicycles, musicians from one-man bands, a man with either an accordion or guitar (he played a lovely melody and was kinda cute, lol), a bass player...the food looked great. Everything was touted as organic. It smelled as good as it looked. Peaches, tomatoes, oh so tempting. Fresh meats like fish, beef, not sure I saw chicken. We even found salmon candy. Very strange. We didn't buy it. We tried some cheese, it was amazing. I believe what we tasted was made from sheep's milk. It had a gentle flavor and texture, like this bit of white cheddar I'd tried a few stands before. It was worth over $20 a pound and we had nowhere to store it so we didn't get that either. :/ There was more inside this one building in front of the water (it might have been an old warehouse or ferry station), fish shops, a mushroom shop, coffee shop, chocolate, bread, pastries, sandwiches. I got kind of hungry but we didn't eat there. Instead we ate a few piers down. Mom insisted David try some crab (he liked it) and I got an amazing veggie pizza slice. I can still taste it, not greasy but not dry with fresh (real) cheese, onions, olives, bell peppers, mmm! So good.
After lunch we do a bay tour on a ferry (Alcatraz was sold out for the day). Got a good dose of history passing an old fort, the bay bridge, art museum, Alcatraz. I didn't know that San Francisco's hills weren't always covered in green grass, evergreen and eucalyptus. It was yellow grassy hillside like the rest of the Bay Area (makes sense...).
I take interest in a lot of things, hence the reason I say "I find it interesting that..." so often. I took note of the changing landscape as we headed west. The San Antonio/Hill Country area is unusually green, it's so far inland that often even the larger hurricanes that hit Houston barely sprinkle on most occasions. As we traveled north and west though, it did get drier. The light green gave way to darker, dirtier green to a brown I find quite ugly. Eventually the desert gives way to manufactured oases, to dry hills, to hills of dry golden summer grass, to farmland in the San Joachim valley. There were vineyards, orchards, farms, even cattle feed lots. In between it was rolling hills of that same golden grass. As we get closer to the Bay Area, more variety in the vegetation appears. If only the change in air was as pleasant. The air is clear through much of Texas, New Mexico and Arizona but as you near Los Angeles it gets dirty and hazy. It's quite sad, really; a state that tries to be so "green" has some of the worst air (and light) pollution I've witnessed. I often thought on this trip that my memories of this state were greener, more beautiful and pleasant than the reality. Then or now. Despite the mild disappointments, I still cherish them.
To sleep, perchance to dream
Inception
A review: as spoiler free as I can manage
If you haven't seen this movie, drop what you're doing now and go see the next showing at a theater near you. It is by far the best movie I've seen in a really long time (perhaps ever?). The music lent well to the various moods. I remember noting a light percussive beat in one scene evocative of a ticking clock (time is translated interestingly in dream world(s)). I loved the cinematography: epic and grand but also intimate as well, giving the feel of an almost-reality.
The actors were great, they drew you in even if their roles were a bit short. The one that is focused on most is Leonardo DiCaprio's character, a man that is breaking but more on that when I talk about the story. Next come Paige's character, who delves rather deeply with him within the dreamworld. The others play their roles but they're mostly tense and action based. Everyone doing their job to ensure "the job" goes right.
About the story: it's the most original one I've seen in a movie but feels like one could have dreamed up, like a new theory or thought that stands to reason and makes perfect sense. Dominic "Dom" Cobb (DiCaprio) gets a job offer, the reward would be his freedom to go home to his two children (you'll have to watch it to find out why he can't go back) but the catch is that it's illegal. He'd have to sneak into someone's dreams and implant a thought (inception). He agrees (if he didn't that'd be it right?). As they delve into the dreamworld, they are beset by unexpected hurdles and the not-so-subtle threat of Mal (subtle name, ha!), a woman very important to Cobb.
A review: as spoiler free as I can manage
If you haven't seen this movie, drop what you're doing now and go see the next showing at a theater near you. It is by far the best movie I've seen in a really long time (perhaps ever?). The music lent well to the various moods. I remember noting a light percussive beat in one scene evocative of a ticking clock (time is translated interestingly in dream world(s)). I loved the cinematography: epic and grand but also intimate as well, giving the feel of an almost-reality.
The actors were great, they drew you in even if their roles were a bit short. The one that is focused on most is Leonardo DiCaprio's character, a man that is breaking but more on that when I talk about the story. Next come Paige's character, who delves rather deeply with him within the dreamworld. The others play their roles but they're mostly tense and action based. Everyone doing their job to ensure "the job" goes right.
About the story: it's the most original one I've seen in a movie but feels like one could have dreamed up, like a new theory or thought that stands to reason and makes perfect sense. Dominic "Dom" Cobb (DiCaprio) gets a job offer, the reward would be his freedom to go home to his two children (you'll have to watch it to find out why he can't go back) but the catch is that it's illegal. He'd have to sneak into someone's dreams and implant a thought (inception). He agrees (if he didn't that'd be it right?). As they delve into the dreamworld, they are beset by unexpected hurdles and the not-so-subtle threat of Mal (subtle name, ha!), a woman very important to Cobb.
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
School, love, life, and Canadians
So how has life been for you? I moved into my apartment two weeks ago. It's modest but it's mine (and Desireé's but she's not here :/). I got a nice, firm twin mattress and box for under $170 (new!). That was nice. Desireé moved her stuff in this last weekend and while she was in town we got a sweet futon for $50. Pretty awesome too. I still need a dresser and a desk as all my stuff is in piles on the floor. I'm not that kind of messy so it's annoying.
Saturday after moving in I went to a wedding. I didn't really cry except when the bride's father (also officiating the wedding, he definitely got teary during the ceremony) got out the couple's True Love Waits cards and talked about how they made promises to keep themselves pure until marriage. There was something beautiful about that, in it being such a rare thing these days. I never signed those little cards but I have and will continue to hold to that principle. I've lost nothing and missed out on nothing because of that decision.
The rest of the weekend was uneventful, church and failed plans for a picnic. Monday classes begin and I show up to work and class a few minutes late. Great start, eh? [dangit, I said "eh?" more on that later]. I'm a TA for physiological chemistry I again. Again, I love working with the students. They seem to be better this summer than during the spring. The questions are better and it's more laid back (despite the crazy heavy schedule of cramming 16 weeks of class into 5). Calculus is...calculus. I have the same professor for this course as I did the first time I took cal 2. So far, he's shown himself to be a personable and fun teacher (sort of) but I feel his patience with me is low. More on that later.
Monday I also got my internet connected. It's the slow version (unless I got the wrong modem) so I'll have to upgrade or quit WoW and browsing with multiple tabs open to deviantART (image heavy) and youtube and twitter and facebook, etc. (lol, yeah right). Anyway, I log onto facebook and the first thing I see is some big news. It's not news I really wanted to learn about through facebook but such is life.
About the "eh?": After getting back into WoW, I got into Vent again to talk to my guild mates. One of the guild mates, whose main character is Evisona (gnome warlock with a mohawk now black but was way cooler pink) was also on Vent. He's a new guy (well at least since I'd been gone) and I quickly noticed his interesting accent. He's actually from Manitoba, a province in Canada. He's pretty cool, like just about all the Canadians I've met so far, but he would say "Eh?" all the time! It wasn't long before I started using it, too; in my writing and even speaking. I put the blame squarely on him. Canadians are invading my life, at the university, at the martial arts school I occasionally attend, in WoW (several, actually), even my favorite shows (all the Stargate franchises were/are filmed in Canada with several Canadian actors in the cast and crew). The only Canadian I can think of that I may not like so much is Keanu Reeves but no one cares about him. :P
So school went along. The first day of lab, the students were pretty quiet (lab safety lecture was all we did) and I wasn't sure how they liked me. The next day was much better, they were quick to ask questions and we all felt much more at ease. By the end of the week we settled into a comfortable relationship so it's all good.
Calculus, was not so great. I thought I was doing okay. I did my homework and put some equations and theorems on my allowed "cheat" card for the first test. I felt good about the test, too but I got it back yesterday and it was a 68%. That doesn't quite cut it for me, or this course. I need at least a C as required for my physics classes, a B to boost my GPA and that A seems a bit out of reach considering my entire grade rests on 5 tests worth 20% each. Not cool. I did the math and my average test score for the next four test would need to be 83% just to get a B, 95.5% to get an A. Not much wiggle room. I suppose not having taken Cal 2 since last summer doesn't help. I kind of wished I had taken Cal 3 last fall with Arrigo (who I had for Cal 2 and is the best math teacher I've had) instead of physics or teaching methods. Oh well, nothing I can do about that, gotta deal with it now.
In other news, I'm working a friendship with someone that I'm not really sure how it's going. There was some awkward confusion surrounding it but hopefully it's all straightened out. My only desire for that friendship (as with any of mine) is that I can serve them in any way they need me to. I love all my friends so dearly. I've noticed that most of them are men but I'm not complaining. ;P Joking aside, I truly am grateful for them. God has used them all to help fill a void I wasn't really aware of until a few months ago. Some are encouraging, others give wisdom, some help me with things, they're all a blast to hang out and have fun with. I would gladly do anything for any of my brothers and mentors, they only have to ask. I count this new friendship (not a new person but as a friend of friends) among my beloved brothers, pure and simple. I hope he'll come to understand that.
Great news! Our beloved Lady of Perpetual Responsibility, Grace, returns from France in a couple days. We're all so excited for her to return (with some good French food and wine, j/k). I'm sure she's ready to be home, too. I've been keeping up with her blogs from France (which have been pretty detailed :D) but it'll be nice to talk to her directly about it all (maybe after she's rested from the return trip).
What else? I started keeping a proper diary. I'm writing in the one where I used to only write about guys I was interested (which were far and few between) but it all started with a little note chemistry (I've already told you about my love for the abstract subject). I've since added entries almost daily. They focus a lot on the internal: what's on my mind, what I'm feeling, what God's doing with me. Not so much about the external events and things I write about here.
Speaking of God, it's time for church. I really need to updated Gems in the Rough, I have about 5 ideas I've started but not finished. Well, lots of love and happiness to you! Hopefully I will write again soon. Probably not.
Saturday after moving in I went to a wedding. I didn't really cry except when the bride's father (also officiating the wedding, he definitely got teary during the ceremony) got out the couple's True Love Waits cards and talked about how they made promises to keep themselves pure until marriage. There was something beautiful about that, in it being such a rare thing these days. I never signed those little cards but I have and will continue to hold to that principle. I've lost nothing and missed out on nothing because of that decision.
The rest of the weekend was uneventful, church and failed plans for a picnic. Monday classes begin and I show up to work and class a few minutes late. Great start, eh? [dangit, I said "eh?" more on that later]. I'm a TA for physiological chemistry I again. Again, I love working with the students. They seem to be better this summer than during the spring. The questions are better and it's more laid back (despite the crazy heavy schedule of cramming 16 weeks of class into 5). Calculus is...calculus. I have the same professor for this course as I did the first time I took cal 2. So far, he's shown himself to be a personable and fun teacher (sort of) but I feel his patience with me is low. More on that later.
Monday I also got my internet connected. It's the slow version (unless I got the wrong modem) so I'll have to upgrade or quit WoW and browsing with multiple tabs open to deviantART (image heavy) and youtube and twitter and facebook, etc. (lol, yeah right). Anyway, I log onto facebook and the first thing I see is some big news. It's not news I really wanted to learn about through facebook but such is life.
About the "eh?": After getting back into WoW, I got into Vent again to talk to my guild mates. One of the guild mates, whose main character is Evisona (gnome warlock with a mohawk now black but was way cooler pink) was also on Vent. He's a new guy (well at least since I'd been gone) and I quickly noticed his interesting accent. He's actually from Manitoba, a province in Canada. He's pretty cool, like just about all the Canadians I've met so far, but he would say "Eh?" all the time! It wasn't long before I started using it, too; in my writing and even speaking. I put the blame squarely on him. Canadians are invading my life, at the university, at the martial arts school I occasionally attend, in WoW (several, actually), even my favorite shows (all the Stargate franchises were/are filmed in Canada with several Canadian actors in the cast and crew). The only Canadian I can think of that I may not like so much is Keanu Reeves but no one cares about him. :P
So school went along. The first day of lab, the students were pretty quiet (lab safety lecture was all we did) and I wasn't sure how they liked me. The next day was much better, they were quick to ask questions and we all felt much more at ease. By the end of the week we settled into a comfortable relationship so it's all good.
Calculus, was not so great. I thought I was doing okay. I did my homework and put some equations and theorems on my allowed "cheat" card for the first test. I felt good about the test, too but I got it back yesterday and it was a 68%. That doesn't quite cut it for me, or this course. I need at least a C as required for my physics classes, a B to boost my GPA and that A seems a bit out of reach considering my entire grade rests on 5 tests worth 20% each. Not cool. I did the math and my average test score for the next four test would need to be 83% just to get a B, 95.5% to get an A. Not much wiggle room. I suppose not having taken Cal 2 since last summer doesn't help. I kind of wished I had taken Cal 3 last fall with Arrigo (who I had for Cal 2 and is the best math teacher I've had) instead of physics or teaching methods. Oh well, nothing I can do about that, gotta deal with it now.
In other news, I'm working a friendship with someone that I'm not really sure how it's going. There was some awkward confusion surrounding it but hopefully it's all straightened out. My only desire for that friendship (as with any of mine) is that I can serve them in any way they need me to. I love all my friends so dearly. I've noticed that most of them are men but I'm not complaining. ;P Joking aside, I truly am grateful for them. God has used them all to help fill a void I wasn't really aware of until a few months ago. Some are encouraging, others give wisdom, some help me with things, they're all a blast to hang out and have fun with. I would gladly do anything for any of my brothers and mentors, they only have to ask. I count this new friendship (not a new person but as a friend of friends) among my beloved brothers, pure and simple. I hope he'll come to understand that.
Great news! Our beloved Lady of Perpetual Responsibility, Grace, returns from France in a couple days. We're all so excited for her to return (with some good French food and wine, j/k). I'm sure she's ready to be home, too. I've been keeping up with her blogs from France (which have been pretty detailed :D) but it'll be nice to talk to her directly about it all (maybe after she's rested from the return trip).
What else? I started keeping a proper diary. I'm writing in the one where I used to only write about guys I was interested (which were far and few between) but it all started with a little note chemistry (I've already told you about my love for the abstract subject). I've since added entries almost daily. They focus a lot on the internal: what's on my mind, what I'm feeling, what God's doing with me. Not so much about the external events and things I write about here.
Speaking of God, it's time for church. I really need to updated Gems in the Rough, I have about 5 ideas I've started but not finished. Well, lots of love and happiness to you! Hopefully I will write again soon. Probably not.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
May's intercession from life
I've had very few plans. They're not the ones I had during school: 12pm Physics, 1pm Organic Spectroscopy, 2pm Monday and Wednesdays were lab, etc. Now they're more like: Tuesday go to Fayetteville for a few days. Next Tuesday look at furniture. Thursday, go to kickboxing. Monday have lunch with Caleb. Haha! I kind of like it, but not? It's nice to have a really open schedule but I guess I need more structure throughout the day to feel productive. A daily plan like: go for walk, read my Bible/pray, write 1,500 words and/or do a deviantART journal skin design&code all for the morning. Midday-afternoon would be internet time (facebook, twitter, deviantART, etc.) and late afternoon-evening would be WoW. I could work with that. Getting into a routine is good for creativity. Ask any writer and they'll tell you.
So what's happened in the past month? End of classes, finals and two weeks of open time. It would take a while to cover everything in detail. I loved the end of classes. Thursday night we have a movie night (Kingdom of Heaven and Dark Knight, I think) before we all go to IHOP at midnight and feast on pancakes, omelets, and chicken strips. There were about 18 people that made it. Friday night we get together again to watch Startgate Universe and dance in the rain. Two amazing nights.
All weekend I work on my last Organic Spectroscopy assignment. I sat under my lofted bed with the blinds open. My roommates must have thought I was crazy sitting under there, singing to the music on my mp3 player and interpreting spectra. Monday was Organic Spectroscopy; I felt pretty good about that test. I filled the afternoon and evening working on my study guides for Tuesday's Organic Chemistry test. Looking back, I should have made one for the first test. It would have cut down the time I'd spent making those study guides. I did okay on that final. It was enough to get out with a B (okay a B is pretty awesome considering the past few semesters). It's clear I missed some of the details but I really feel I walked away from that course with a good grasp of the fundamental concepts. Tuesday afternoon Desireé stuck with me, trying to help me study and work on lab reports for physics. She saw me run the gamut of emotions in a very compact space of time. I refuse to complain about it all, though. I put myself in that position.
Wednesday was physics. It was a truly humbling experience to put it mildly. I'll leave it at that. I spent that afternoon and evening working on my field experience reflection and going over the material for Classroom Management (not comprehensive). The CM test was the best I think. I tore through that test in two hours. Oh wait. lol. It was nice though, everyone was calm and/or cheerful at the test; total contrast to the stress and gloom of the others. I even gave out my gum to nearly everyone in the room (new pack). I answered all the questions well, and even used my cowboy friend as inspiration for an unmotivated student (and what I would do to motivate him).
Friday I helped a few friends move out, spent some time "being nomads and having a jam session" in Dustin's car with Haley (S, that is), had dinner at Old Chicago and a movie night. Or maybe we just watched Stargate and played that Smash Bros.? I don't remember, it was all good though. :D Ever since I've been taking it easy, not really doing much but trying to get out of the apartment and into fresh air at least once a day.
I spent a few days in Fayetteville with David and Katie. I arrived in high spirits and finally found a way to have ethanol without suffering: get a very low proof mixed drink of a restaurant chain and drink very slowly (I won't get buzzed but that's never my goal). I think it was a kind of lemonade. Though...I still prefer water, Sierra Mist/Sprite or better yet, root beer. Anyway, at some point we get a hair dye kit and dye my hair a richer, warmer color but it wasn't lighter. I eventually bought another dye kit with a much lighter shade but I don't know anything about dying hair. I play WoW and get excited over carboxylic acid derivatives. I'm rather ambiguous when it comes to being a girly girl, a borderline tomboy, and a softcore nerd/geek; I'm a bit of everything but don't fall into neat categories.
Anyway, we saw Iron Man 2. I got all excited when Stark discovered a new element. I gasped in such a way that Katie asked me if I was getting a little too excited. (lmao) What can I say? I like science and I especially love chemistry. We ate at this place called Super Chicken at one point. It was really good but there was a tornado warning in the county and Katie was getting kind of nervous about it. Nothing happened where we were, though; so it's all good. I also got a new dress (all three words a separate links :D). It's officially my favorite summer dress. Well...yeah, it is. It's cotton, it's comfortable and I feel good in it. (That's all that matters ladies, don't worry about what others say!)
We tried to go to the Botanical Garden of the Ozarks but David wasn't down for the $5 entry fee (lol). It was a rather depressing several days, truth be told. Being cut off my spiritual family and facing my shortcomings (I probably needed the humbling experience) really dragged me down. Sleeping on the floor didn't help, I bet. Two mats on the floor is okay for one night but any longer starts to get painful. It would have been worse with the air mattress, they lose pressure to easily and I need it to be firm. Before coming back to Conway, I saw How to Train Your Dragon with David. It was cute. Nice graphics, I even liked how the main character acted like a scientist and observed the dragons instead of trying to kill them. Not a deep movie by any means but a nice family movie nonetheless.
What else...? Oh! I took my buddy Trevor to LDMA (a martial arts school) a couple times this month. He seems to really like it there. I went there for a couple years while I was going to junior college (before I transferred to UCA). It was kind of silly to expect that I could just jump right back in to those hardcore workouts and do well after three years of being gone and probably not hydrated enough for the day.
Trying to get back into WoW but it just doesn't appeal to me like it used to. There may be a few reasons for this, among them: real life interaction is preferable (unless you're playing it together. in the same room. then that's awesome), it feels like a chore! I have one level 80 character (Keyaru) and she's not geared well enough to do some of the better raids. (I don't expect most of you to understand that last sentence.) I'm sick of questing in Icecrown, achievements are taking a while, grinding for reputation, running randoms (random dungeons) for emblems for better gear...such a chore. All these things allow me to be kind of ADD about what I do in the game but it's so boring! I don't feel like working my alts (other characters) either. /sigh Oh well.
I've been able to pick up deviantART journal skin requests again. Did two just today. I'm really hoping to get into my writing again, too but I'm having trouble continuing my book. I guess I just need to sit down and do it, seems it easier when I make myself do it. I'm so close to the end! I can feel it.
Man, I really need to post more often, that way my posts won't be so long...oh, who am I kidding? They'd still be fairly long if I posted every week. Or maybe not. I don't know. That's the important stuff for now. I'll try to post something when I move into my new apartment, hopefully next week.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Strength through unity. Unity through faith. It's true, not scary.
It's just about the end of semester here at school. Final big projects are coming due, last tests and quizzes are being given, and stress permeates the atmosphere like a humid Arkansas summer afternoon. I must admit, I have been party to these stresses. I haven't quite been doing what I needed to stay on top of things and once again I find myself struggling to climb out of the holes I've dug for myself. Is it even worth it? What should I do? I also must confess that I haven't been going to church lately in the hopes of getting work done. I missed Tuesday and Sunday (and possible the Sunday before that). I didn't realize how that had affected me until tonight.
Last night, I had a breakdown. I was working on a project I had to present today. I'd procrastinated and was now desperately trying to get it together. The stress of school and being behind on everything had been building up in me; I was beginning to crack. I couldn't focus; I couldn't relax. I turned off the television but my suitemate complained. I turned it back on and decided I'd go to the library to work. I caught myself getting really upset. First there were a few quiet tears, but when I got in my car, I just lost it. I cried so hard.
What am I going to do? I don't know if I can do this. Are my grades even worth salvaging? Can I ever change? Am I doomed to fail every semester? The car was already on so I decided to drive. I got to the end of the street and cried even harder at the stop sign. I turned onto street in front of campus but I passed the library and kept going. I ended up driving around town, not really knowing where I was going. I didn't care. At this point, I'm certain I'm having some kind of breakdown. The whole time, I just cried. Eventually, I started to calm down a little bit (or at least stopped crying for a bit).
I get back and park. I start to text on my phone but in the middle of it Desiree calls with some questions about an assignment. I state I hadn't done it. Somehow, I cry again during the conversation and I pour out all my anxieties. She gives me a speech about doing the work we need to do. She apologizes several times but she feels the need to say it. I insist that it's what I need to hear. After our conversation. I get back to the apartment. I'd been out for about forty-five minutes by then. I force myself to sit down and work on it. I eventually finish it at 4am.
By the way, it takes a long time to print 42 color pages. This morning, I set back my alarm a couple times before getting up. I head to my first class. It's going all right until the not-unexpected pop quiz. I don't think I did well on it. The next class is the one where I had to present the project. I was all nerves. I'm fairly sure it was obvious how unprepared I was. I was supposed to take ten minutes but I rushed, forgot a lot of what I was going to say and did it only in five. By now, I feel defeated. It was not a happy morning. I have lunch with friends and go back to the apartment. I try to get some work done but distractions abound.
Before my afternoon lab I decide to post a glowing review of a professor on RateMyProfessor. Posting that review improved my mood quite a bit. Looking back, I think focusing on something I'm thankful for helped pull focus from my shortcomings to something outside myself that was good. I amused myself by reading the negative reviews (they really were funny) before heading to lab. I have fun with Desiree in lab, as usual. Lots of giggling, whining, and being lost.
My mood starts to sink again and I'm exhausted. I got less than four hours of sleep last night. I feel distinctly broken. My head felt strange, like I have a cold but it's not a physical illness. I try to nap but stresses invade my sleep and it's fitful. My alarm goes off. I make a simple dinner and head to church. It's obvious we're all stressed. We talk a bit before we dig into Galatians. We read chapter two, versus fifteen through twenty-one.
Throughout the discussion, I truly relax. God was speaking to me. I felt the way I know I'm supposed to feel, peaceful and full of love. I really needed that. I realized that by missing church, I'd short-changed myself. I allowed external things to get to me and be brought down by them and my human nature. I wasn't allowing God to show through as much as I should. I'd left myself vulnerable to attack. Digging into the Word and having fellowship builds us up and keeps us strong. We need each other. To remind each other of what we know and to keep focused on what matters, build Christ-esteem rather than self-esteem.
It was so refreshing tonight. I feel mended and whole, again. It's important we care for each other and study together. It's a huge part of functioning as the body of Christ, perhaps the most important thing next to loving and obeying God. In Him I am strong. Together in Him with my brothers and sisters, we are so much more than we could be alone.
Last night, I had a breakdown. I was working on a project I had to present today. I'd procrastinated and was now desperately trying to get it together. The stress of school and being behind on everything had been building up in me; I was beginning to crack. I couldn't focus; I couldn't relax. I turned off the television but my suitemate complained. I turned it back on and decided I'd go to the library to work. I caught myself getting really upset. First there were a few quiet tears, but when I got in my car, I just lost it. I cried so hard.
What am I going to do? I don't know if I can do this. Are my grades even worth salvaging? Can I ever change? Am I doomed to fail every semester? The car was already on so I decided to drive. I got to the end of the street and cried even harder at the stop sign. I turned onto street in front of campus but I passed the library and kept going. I ended up driving around town, not really knowing where I was going. I didn't care. At this point, I'm certain I'm having some kind of breakdown. The whole time, I just cried. Eventually, I started to calm down a little bit (or at least stopped crying for a bit).
I get back and park. I start to text on my phone but in the middle of it Desiree calls with some questions about an assignment. I state I hadn't done it. Somehow, I cry again during the conversation and I pour out all my anxieties. She gives me a speech about doing the work we need to do. She apologizes several times but she feels the need to say it. I insist that it's what I need to hear. After our conversation. I get back to the apartment. I'd been out for about forty-five minutes by then. I force myself to sit down and work on it. I eventually finish it at 4am.
By the way, it takes a long time to print 42 color pages. This morning, I set back my alarm a couple times before getting up. I head to my first class. It's going all right until the not-unexpected pop quiz. I don't think I did well on it. The next class is the one where I had to present the project. I was all nerves. I'm fairly sure it was obvious how unprepared I was. I was supposed to take ten minutes but I rushed, forgot a lot of what I was going to say and did it only in five. By now, I feel defeated. It was not a happy morning. I have lunch with friends and go back to the apartment. I try to get some work done but distractions abound.
Before my afternoon lab I decide to post a glowing review of a professor on RateMyProfessor. Posting that review improved my mood quite a bit. Looking back, I think focusing on something I'm thankful for helped pull focus from my shortcomings to something outside myself that was good. I amused myself by reading the negative reviews (they really were funny) before heading to lab. I have fun with Desiree in lab, as usual. Lots of giggling, whining, and being lost.
My mood starts to sink again and I'm exhausted. I got less than four hours of sleep last night. I feel distinctly broken. My head felt strange, like I have a cold but it's not a physical illness. I try to nap but stresses invade my sleep and it's fitful. My alarm goes off. I make a simple dinner and head to church. It's obvious we're all stressed. We talk a bit before we dig into Galatians. We read chapter two, versus fifteen through twenty-one.
Throughout the discussion, I truly relax. God was speaking to me. I felt the way I know I'm supposed to feel, peaceful and full of love. I really needed that. I realized that by missing church, I'd short-changed myself. I allowed external things to get to me and be brought down by them and my human nature. I wasn't allowing God to show through as much as I should. I'd left myself vulnerable to attack. Digging into the Word and having fellowship builds us up and keeps us strong. We need each other. To remind each other of what we know and to keep focused on what matters, build Christ-esteem rather than self-esteem.
It was so refreshing tonight. I feel mended and whole, again. It's important we care for each other and study together. It's a huge part of functioning as the body of Christ, perhaps the most important thing next to loving and obeying God. In Him I am strong. Together in Him with my brothers and sisters, we are so much more than we could be alone.
Friday, April 9, 2010
An interesting year
Ah, the final stretch. We're in that final month of school in which our professors realize we only have one month of school before finals and therefore must cram as much information into the remaining lectures as possible. Well, if they've mismanaged their time they are. Of course, the snow days we had at the beginning of the school year have certainly put kinks into even the best-laid plans. :shrug: C'est la vie.
As the editor loaded, I realized that it's been almost a year since I created this blog and made my first post. So much has happened since then. You can see how much things have changed since then. I think I can also see the cycle I go through each semester of hope and excitement to diligence to stress to more stress to dropping the ball to disappointment to resignation to eagerness for the semester to be over. Is that about how your semester goes? This time I've fought the resignation and...well, I'll explain more in a bit.
So, since my last post (I loved all your comments), or rather my next-to-last post, a lot has happened. Sunday evening before classes started again I got together with Drew, Austin, Caleb and Ian and we all prayed for the coming weeks. That we would all maintain focus, do what we needed to do and trust God to take of care everything. In the time since then, I've just had so much joy and love and my heart. It's almost as if God was preparing me for the stresses that I would encounter.
I get back to school and my scheduling problems were worked out by the end of the day, I got that extra credit hour I needed for my preferred schedule. Wednesday I talked to my adviser. That evening I registered for all my classes. Thursday morning that extra credit hour was added to my schedule as well. What is that final credit hour? Well, I was offered an amazing opportunity and I seized it immediately. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. Well, it's rather humble lab work but it's right up my chemistry education alley. I'm hopeful that future chemistry students at UCA will benefit from said humble lab work. I also hope to learn a few things about choosing and altering labs for when I teach. Pondering on the implications of this little yet significant event, I'm amazed at God's planning. I see these events, some discouraging, many hopeful, and all seemingly disconnected until you see them culminate in this. It's so beautiful.
This semester as a whole has been amazing. I'm learning things I realized I needed to learn and being used in ways I couldn't have fathomed. I've really been encouraged lately to learn that God is showing through. All I see in myself are my problems that need working on but I've been consistently told good things about myself. I almost can't believe it. Me? I'm a mess, so broken. Any good seen in me must come from God. There's no other explanation. It's so cool but I really feel I don't deserve any of it. That's another really beautiful thing.
Learning what I need to learn
Last semester, you may remember I took a teaching methods and materials class. At the end I taught a real lesson in a 9th grade physical science class. I got a lot of positive feedback in terms of how I did the lesson but areas I needed to improve in all boiled down to classroom management. I'm taking classroom management now and I think it's pretty cool that I'm in the one class I needed to work on that area of teaching.
Throughout this semester I've learned that I'm not very confident in my laboratory skills (specifically in chemistry). Granted, I've been right about a few things (like NMR tubes are not a recommended substitute for glass stirring rods) but my poor lab partner seems to be doing the lion's share of the work. So how's next semester looking? Well, three credit hours of the twelve I'm taking are labs. Every credit hour of lab equals about three hours actually spent in lab. I'll be spending six hours in quant lab (working alone, as my current lab partner in organic tells me) as well as the one credit hour of research. That's just the hands on. I plan on being a TA for two labs (I love being a TA), probably one organic lab (usually three hours) and a physiological chemistry lab (usually two hours). I earn minimum wage and those hours will pay the electric and internet bill easy. That's nice but what's really great about it is the experience. I get practice helping students in lab and reinforcing my knowledge of chemistry and lab techniques. I suppose I could also use that reference when I finally get to teaching.
On not giving up
About the non-resignation, I was told last Friday (not yesterday) in an email from the professor that I was not doing well in Organic Spectroscopy and would likely not being able to pass. There was a test Monday (over IR and NMR spectroscopy) and he didn't think I was prepared. Therefore, I should drop the class. Granted, he was right. I was not doing the homework and I failed the first test. That's not what bothered me about this. It was the underlying message: I don't see you making it, you should just quit. That was extremely upsetting to me. Communicating that lack of faith in and low expectations of me. By the time I'd read the email, it was too late to drop that day anyway. I lost it. I cried. I tried to pull myself together for movie night: I wiped the tears away and reapplied my eye liner. I show up at the apartment where we do movie night and I realize I'm not that strong. I head out the balcony and listen to my music to calm myself down.
No such luck. I realize Drew is trying to talk to me so I go back inside since I can't ignore him. He and Caleb see me all teary and I lose it again. I just cry. It's gotta be some kind of breakdown at this point. They talk me down and encourage me, telling me there might be a chance to fix it; talk to the professor to see if there's anything I can do, etc. I calm down, deciding not to quit though not entirely sure what to do. The next day I look at the syllabus to estimate my current grade in the class and determine if there is hope. I figure if I do really well on Monday's test, the final, and turn in all my homework between now and then, I can get out of the class with the minimum grade for credit. A long shot, but I'm hopeful. Sunday after church, I try working practice problems online but I don't really get anywhere. So I break out the text book and start working the problems at the end of the chapters I was going to be tested on. I was able to answer most of them but I was still a bit unsure. I think I spent about four or five hours on those problems before I go to bed.
Monday, I go into the test not entirely sure how it's going to go. I'm relieved to be given a couple sheets of standard shifts (one for IR peaks and another for proton and carbon-13 NMR, trust me when I say they're really helpful). I glance through the test and the last part are all problems from the book I had worked on Sunday! I had to stifle my joy, otherwise I might have squealed. I work through the test, hoping I got most of it right. I finish the test and hand it in, whispering that I am hopeful. I also noticed that I was the first to turn in the test (not that it's a race). I'm feeling pretty good about it, now.
Wednesdays I TA for my o-spec professor. I almost didn't go to work that morning because I was still a bit sore about those words, despite the test. But I did and when I came in he said something to the effect of "I must have made you mad because you did really well on that test." He expressed a hope for my improvement and reminded me to do my homework. Come time for o-spec, I get my test back and it's a 94! I nearly tackle Drew in the hallway after class. lol. I have hope...
God's plans in my life
...I just have to work at it. That's not anything I didn't already know. You could ask me after I screw up on something if I knew what I did wrong, I almost always tell you I know exactly what I did wrong. That's a bit frustrating thing for me: despite knowing better, I don't always do what's right or required of me. Part of my learning curve in college (this, five years in, three at UCA) is understanding myself and how to study.
All those classes I've repeated are reminders of why I should study and also of God's hand in my life. If I'd made my own plans, I'd be almost done with school. As it stands, I'll probably need an additional four more semesters at least before I'll be done. I'm starting to see this semester that I'm exactly where I need to be. In physics, Desireé is my lab partner. Physics is a subject I find really hard to like but having lab with her makes it so enjoyable. We uplift each other and make it fun. We laugh and giggle all the way through lab. I can't imagine bearing those labs without her.
Organic labs are great with Cris, he's such a patient lab partner. It's also nice to have Drew in the group next to ours. Lecture is that much more fun with John and Stephen. If I hadn't taken this class this semester, I'm sure I would not have been offered the amazing yet humble lab opportunity.
Friday was awesome
One last thing to share: yesterday was awesome! I think it started Thursday night with learning about my strengths and weaknesses in various spiritual gifts as well as a long and deep conversation with a brother struggling with some things. Anyway, yesterday was indicative of God placing me exactly where I needed to be and exercising my spiritual gifts. It really underscores how my life has changed in the past year. I got up early and took the car in for maintenance (meh).
I got a ride back to UCA courtesy of the business. The driver asked about my major, I said "Chemistry and teaching." "Why chemistry?" "Because I like it." "That's good answer." He talked about his daughter being an ag-ed teacher. We discussed school and teaching.
On a whim (actually, God's direction) I headed over the cafeteria (it was about 8:15-8:30 by this time) and had some water. The water is not important; what is important is that my friends showed up and we all talked. After they left some other friends showed up and I talked to them. It was really great to talk about my faith, my friendships, teaching, psychology and stuff like that.
After two hours in the cafeteria I leave. I end up in Laney and visit my favorite professor. I learn a little more about what will be expected of me in that opportunity I seized. We also had a nice chat about school, teaching and learning. It was really encouraging for us both I think. After that I go the student center and have lunch. I talk to a nice lady and her grandson (there for the geography bee) about school and learning (big shocker). The boy's mother (and the lady's daughter) was apparently a middle level science teacher. That was a cool conversation, too.
Finally it's time for physics at noon. Desiree is in a good mood but after class, not so much. I buy her lunch and we talk for nearly an hour about life, school, and just cheer each other up. She thanks me repeatedly for the lunch (seriously it's no trouble at all, :D). The afternoon winds down with a little (much needed) shopping before I head to movie night (a blast as always). That was my Friday and it was awesome.
If you've read this far, wow. It's a lot. Thanks for reading. I really do love you guys; you're all so amazing. I thank God every day for you as friends and mentors, sharing and caring and giving. Life is good.
As the editor loaded, I realized that it's been almost a year since I created this blog and made my first post. So much has happened since then. You can see how much things have changed since then. I think I can also see the cycle I go through each semester of hope and excitement to diligence to stress to more stress to dropping the ball to disappointment to resignation to eagerness for the semester to be over. Is that about how your semester goes? This time I've fought the resignation and...well, I'll explain more in a bit.
So, since my last post (I loved all your comments), or rather my next-to-last post, a lot has happened. Sunday evening before classes started again I got together with Drew, Austin, Caleb and Ian and we all prayed for the coming weeks. That we would all maintain focus, do what we needed to do and trust God to take of care everything. In the time since then, I've just had so much joy and love and my heart. It's almost as if God was preparing me for the stresses that I would encounter.
I get back to school and my scheduling problems were worked out by the end of the day, I got that extra credit hour I needed for my preferred schedule. Wednesday I talked to my adviser. That evening I registered for all my classes. Thursday morning that extra credit hour was added to my schedule as well. What is that final credit hour? Well, I was offered an amazing opportunity and I seized it immediately. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. Well, it's rather humble lab work but it's right up my chemistry education alley. I'm hopeful that future chemistry students at UCA will benefit from said humble lab work. I also hope to learn a few things about choosing and altering labs for when I teach. Pondering on the implications of this little yet significant event, I'm amazed at God's planning. I see these events, some discouraging, many hopeful, and all seemingly disconnected until you see them culminate in this. It's so beautiful.
This semester as a whole has been amazing. I'm learning things I realized I needed to learn and being used in ways I couldn't have fathomed. I've really been encouraged lately to learn that God is showing through. All I see in myself are my problems that need working on but I've been consistently told good things about myself. I almost can't believe it. Me? I'm a mess, so broken. Any good seen in me must come from God. There's no other explanation. It's so cool but I really feel I don't deserve any of it. That's another really beautiful thing.
Learning what I need to learn
Last semester, you may remember I took a teaching methods and materials class. At the end I taught a real lesson in a 9th grade physical science class. I got a lot of positive feedback in terms of how I did the lesson but areas I needed to improve in all boiled down to classroom management. I'm taking classroom management now and I think it's pretty cool that I'm in the one class I needed to work on that area of teaching.
Throughout this semester I've learned that I'm not very confident in my laboratory skills (specifically in chemistry). Granted, I've been right about a few things (like NMR tubes are not a recommended substitute for glass stirring rods) but my poor lab partner seems to be doing the lion's share of the work. So how's next semester looking? Well, three credit hours of the twelve I'm taking are labs. Every credit hour of lab equals about three hours actually spent in lab. I'll be spending six hours in quant lab (working alone, as my current lab partner in organic tells me) as well as the one credit hour of research. That's just the hands on. I plan on being a TA for two labs (I love being a TA), probably one organic lab (usually three hours) and a physiological chemistry lab (usually two hours). I earn minimum wage and those hours will pay the electric and internet bill easy. That's nice but what's really great about it is the experience. I get practice helping students in lab and reinforcing my knowledge of chemistry and lab techniques. I suppose I could also use that reference when I finally get to teaching.
On not giving up
About the non-resignation, I was told last Friday (not yesterday) in an email from the professor that I was not doing well in Organic Spectroscopy and would likely not being able to pass. There was a test Monday (over IR and NMR spectroscopy) and he didn't think I was prepared. Therefore, I should drop the class. Granted, he was right. I was not doing the homework and I failed the first test. That's not what bothered me about this. It was the underlying message: I don't see you making it, you should just quit. That was extremely upsetting to me. Communicating that lack of faith in and low expectations of me. By the time I'd read the email, it was too late to drop that day anyway. I lost it. I cried. I tried to pull myself together for movie night: I wiped the tears away and reapplied my eye liner. I show up at the apartment where we do movie night and I realize I'm not that strong. I head out the balcony and listen to my music to calm myself down.
No such luck. I realize Drew is trying to talk to me so I go back inside since I can't ignore him. He and Caleb see me all teary and I lose it again. I just cry. It's gotta be some kind of breakdown at this point. They talk me down and encourage me, telling me there might be a chance to fix it; talk to the professor to see if there's anything I can do, etc. I calm down, deciding not to quit though not entirely sure what to do. The next day I look at the syllabus to estimate my current grade in the class and determine if there is hope. I figure if I do really well on Monday's test, the final, and turn in all my homework between now and then, I can get out of the class with the minimum grade for credit. A long shot, but I'm hopeful. Sunday after church, I try working practice problems online but I don't really get anywhere. So I break out the text book and start working the problems at the end of the chapters I was going to be tested on. I was able to answer most of them but I was still a bit unsure. I think I spent about four or five hours on those problems before I go to bed.
Monday, I go into the test not entirely sure how it's going to go. I'm relieved to be given a couple sheets of standard shifts (one for IR peaks and another for proton and carbon-13 NMR, trust me when I say they're really helpful). I glance through the test and the last part are all problems from the book I had worked on Sunday! I had to stifle my joy, otherwise I might have squealed. I work through the test, hoping I got most of it right. I finish the test and hand it in, whispering that I am hopeful. I also noticed that I was the first to turn in the test (not that it's a race). I'm feeling pretty good about it, now.
Wednesdays I TA for my o-spec professor. I almost didn't go to work that morning because I was still a bit sore about those words, despite the test. But I did and when I came in he said something to the effect of "I must have made you mad because you did really well on that test." He expressed a hope for my improvement and reminded me to do my homework. Come time for o-spec, I get my test back and it's a 94! I nearly tackle Drew in the hallway after class. lol. I have hope...
God's plans in my life
...I just have to work at it. That's not anything I didn't already know. You could ask me after I screw up on something if I knew what I did wrong, I almost always tell you I know exactly what I did wrong. That's a bit frustrating thing for me: despite knowing better, I don't always do what's right or required of me. Part of my learning curve in college (this, five years in, three at UCA) is understanding myself and how to study.
All those classes I've repeated are reminders of why I should study and also of God's hand in my life. If I'd made my own plans, I'd be almost done with school. As it stands, I'll probably need an additional four more semesters at least before I'll be done. I'm starting to see this semester that I'm exactly where I need to be. In physics, Desireé is my lab partner. Physics is a subject I find really hard to like but having lab with her makes it so enjoyable. We uplift each other and make it fun. We laugh and giggle all the way through lab. I can't imagine bearing those labs without her.
Organic labs are great with Cris, he's such a patient lab partner. It's also nice to have Drew in the group next to ours. Lecture is that much more fun with John and Stephen. If I hadn't taken this class this semester, I'm sure I would not have been offered the amazing yet humble lab opportunity.
Friday was awesome
One last thing to share: yesterday was awesome! I think it started Thursday night with learning about my strengths and weaknesses in various spiritual gifts as well as a long and deep conversation with a brother struggling with some things. Anyway, yesterday was indicative of God placing me exactly where I needed to be and exercising my spiritual gifts. It really underscores how my life has changed in the past year. I got up early and took the car in for maintenance (meh).
I got a ride back to UCA courtesy of the business. The driver asked about my major, I said "Chemistry and teaching." "Why chemistry?" "Because I like it." "That's good answer." He talked about his daughter being an ag-ed teacher. We discussed school and teaching.
On a whim (actually, God's direction) I headed over the cafeteria (it was about 8:15-8:30 by this time) and had some water. The water is not important; what is important is that my friends showed up and we all talked. After they left some other friends showed up and I talked to them. It was really great to talk about my faith, my friendships, teaching, psychology and stuff like that.
After two hours in the cafeteria I leave. I end up in Laney and visit my favorite professor. I learn a little more about what will be expected of me in that opportunity I seized. We also had a nice chat about school, teaching and learning. It was really encouraging for us both I think. After that I go the student center and have lunch. I talk to a nice lady and her grandson (there for the geography bee) about school and learning (big shocker). The boy's mother (and the lady's daughter) was apparently a middle level science teacher. That was a cool conversation, too.
Finally it's time for physics at noon. Desiree is in a good mood but after class, not so much. I buy her lunch and we talk for nearly an hour about life, school, and just cheer each other up. She thanks me repeatedly for the lunch (seriously it's no trouble at all, :D). The afternoon winds down with a little (much needed) shopping before I head to movie night (a blast as always). That was my Friday and it was awesome.
If you've read this far, wow. It's a lot. Thanks for reading. I really do love you guys; you're all so amazing. I thank God every day for you as friends and mentors, sharing and caring and giving. Life is good.
Monday, March 29, 2010
On Faith and Science
Introduction and Disclaimer
I am a Christian and a scientist. Let me just say up front that this is my opinion and that like everyone else, I feel I am right. I could be wrong but I'd like to think this an enlightened view.
My Argument
I believe there is no conflict between my faith [:heart:] and science [science!]. Those who disagree [I feel] don't really understand either.
[Let's start with the faith side.]
The Gospel According to Me
When you find the simple principles of truth and love difficult to apply to a situation, you look at the rest for clarification. That isn’t to say that beyond the Gospel, the Bible is useless. It’s important in guiding how I live out my faith but my belief does not (and should not) hinge on any more or less than God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice.
[So what about literal interpretation?]
This is a tricky question that I cannot hope to answer. Bible scholars have studied this one for centuries. There are places in the Bible that are literal and there are places that are steeped in symbolism. Sometimes it’s both. For a lay-person like me, it’s not easy to determine.
I believe the creation story shows us God’s power, even his nature. It’s a very poetic account of God calling things into being and creating order out of chaos. Is it literal? It’s hard to say. The word “day” in Hebrew can refer to daylight, a literal 24-hour day, or an unspecified period of time.
This is where day-age creationists come in: those who believe that “day” in this sense is an unspecified period of time. Thus, “evening” would mean the end of an age, and “morning” would refer to the beginning of another. We can't know but it's an interesting view.
[Now let's look at science.]
Nature of science
I wrote a ten page research paper on this, I know what I'm talking about.
Science is reliable yet tentative. Everything we know is tested repeatedly. We come up with the best explanation we can given the evidence (and there's a TON of it). That explanation is and will continue to be accepted until new evidence challenges it. At that time, the theory will be modified or completely thrown out for a new one.
Theories: In the vernacular, they are little more than conjecture or speculation, such as "I kinda think it might be like this". In science, the term theory carries vastly more weight. It is an explanation greatly supported by evidence gained and repeatedly confirmed through observation and experimentation.
Science requires consensus; there will be no consensus without evidence. For instance, a person can publish a paper saying they've perfected cold fusion. The media will have a hey-day over it but the scientific community will remain skeptical until that person's results are confirmed by other scientists following the same procedure under the same conditions and getting results consistent with the first person's results. The peer-review process is important. Discussion is important. This is part of why it takes time for new theories to be accepted. Evidence must be gathered and confirmed. The theory has to make sense.
So, people who say they don't believe evolution are extremely misguided at best. Evolution is not a faith to be accepted or believed in, it just is. People don't question (as often or openly) atomic theory or cell theory. Evolution or the big bang shouldn't be any different. These theories are the best explanations given the evidence.
[What about creationism?]
It's bad science.
Literal 24-hr/6-day creationism is simply not supported by the evidence. Does this mean I believe God had no hand in the creation of the universe as we know it? Of course not, I believe he did it.
Science, for me, is discovering how. I and my Christian friends (who are also scientists) get this. When you learn about the complexity of the human body alone, it's staggering. It's not mere chance it turned out the way it did but the result of a beautiful, intricate process resulting in what we see today.
[Um, okay?]
Let's try a metaphor
I am writing a story [that I won't go into much detail now]. In that story has [for lack of a better explanation], a god. That "god" has this tile array [much like dominoes standing up] that he has set in place. Every tile in that array represents an action and/or reaction. The first tile was pushed and everything was set in motion.
That's how I see it. God’s hand is in every one of those actions and reactions. His plan is complex array: sequence of events, actions and reactions all leading to this moment which is, in turn, an event leading to something else further down the line.
[So, now what?]
In conclusion
We weren't there in the beginning. We can't know for sure unless we were. Again, scientific theories say one thing. Right know that's what we know and what we're sticking to until another, better explanation comes along.
My faith shouldn't be shaken by something as trivial as creation versus evolution or the big bang theory. If it is, then I've lose sight of what is important. What's important is that I believe in something greater than me, something good and it inspires me to be the best person I can be...and there are no laws against that.
I am a Christian and a scientist. Let me just say up front that this is my opinion and that like everyone else, I feel I am right. I could be wrong but I'd like to think this an enlightened view.
My Argument
I believe there is no conflict between my faith [:heart:] and science [science!]. Those who disagree [I feel] don't really understand either.
[Let's start with the faith side.]
The Gospel According to Me
- As a Christian, my faith hinges on what I feel is important:
- I am saved by grace and my belief that Jesus [who is divine] came to this world and died on the cross for my sins.
- God is love. God loves me and he pours his love into me. I can't help but share that love because it truly does overflow and there's no way to contain it.
- My faith and love compel me to action. I ever seek to live in truth and love. The two greatest commandments (Luke 10:27) say to ['Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and all your mind and all your mind' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself'.]. I must care for others. Not just my friends or peers but also those I may not like, my enemies. There is no room for hate or apathy in my faith.
- Everything else is details. You get into laws, explanations, clarifications. It’s like those first three were the Constitution of the U.S. and the rest are like laws and court rulings.
When you find the simple principles of truth and love difficult to apply to a situation, you look at the rest for clarification. That isn’t to say that beyond the Gospel, the Bible is useless. It’s important in guiding how I live out my faith but my belief does not (and should not) hinge on any more or less than God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice.
[So what about literal interpretation?]
This is a tricky question that I cannot hope to answer. Bible scholars have studied this one for centuries. There are places in the Bible that are literal and there are places that are steeped in symbolism. Sometimes it’s both. For a lay-person like me, it’s not easy to determine.
I believe the creation story shows us God’s power, even his nature. It’s a very poetic account of God calling things into being and creating order out of chaos. Is it literal? It’s hard to say. The word “day” in Hebrew can refer to daylight, a literal 24-hour day, or an unspecified period of time.
This is where day-age creationists come in: those who believe that “day” in this sense is an unspecified period of time. Thus, “evening” would mean the end of an age, and “morning” would refer to the beginning of another. We can't know but it's an interesting view.
[Now let's look at science.]
Nature of science
I wrote a ten page research paper on this, I know what I'm talking about.
Science is reliable yet tentative. Everything we know is tested repeatedly. We come up with the best explanation we can given the evidence (and there's a TON of it). That explanation is and will continue to be accepted until new evidence challenges it. At that time, the theory will be modified or completely thrown out for a new one.
Theories: In the vernacular, they are little more than conjecture or speculation, such as "I kinda think it might be like this". In science, the term theory carries vastly more weight. It is an explanation greatly supported by evidence gained and repeatedly confirmed through observation and experimentation.
Science requires consensus; there will be no consensus without evidence. For instance, a person can publish a paper saying they've perfected cold fusion. The media will have a hey-day over it but the scientific community will remain skeptical until that person's results are confirmed by other scientists following the same procedure under the same conditions and getting results consistent with the first person's results. The peer-review process is important. Discussion is important. This is part of why it takes time for new theories to be accepted. Evidence must be gathered and confirmed. The theory has to make sense.
So, people who say they don't believe evolution are extremely misguided at best. Evolution is not a faith to be accepted or believed in, it just is. People don't question (as often or openly) atomic theory or cell theory. Evolution or the big bang shouldn't be any different. These theories are the best explanations given the evidence.
[What about creationism?]
It's bad science.
Literal 24-hr/6-day creationism is simply not supported by the evidence. Does this mean I believe God had no hand in the creation of the universe as we know it? Of course not, I believe he did it.
Science, for me, is discovering how. I and my Christian friends (who are also scientists) get this. When you learn about the complexity of the human body alone, it's staggering. It's not mere chance it turned out the way it did but the result of a beautiful, intricate process resulting in what we see today.
[Um, okay?]
Let's try a metaphor
I am writing a story [that I won't go into much detail now]. In that story has [for lack of a better explanation], a god. That "god" has this tile array [much like dominoes standing up] that he has set in place. Every tile in that array represents an action and/or reaction. The first tile was pushed and everything was set in motion.
That's how I see it. God’s hand is in every one of those actions and reactions. His plan is complex array: sequence of events, actions and reactions all leading to this moment which is, in turn, an event leading to something else further down the line.
[So, now what?]
In conclusion
We weren't there in the beginning. We can't know for sure unless we were. Again, scientific theories say one thing. Right know that's what we know and what we're sticking to until another, better explanation comes along.
My faith shouldn't be shaken by something as trivial as creation versus evolution or the big bang theory. If it is, then I've lose sight of what is important. What's important is that I believe in something greater than me, something good and it inspires me to be the best person I can be...and there are no laws against that.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The home stretch, in a round-a-bout way
Quiet Spring Break
Spring break comes to end and classes begin again on Monday. My friends and peers are slowly returning. I'm sitting here wondering if my week was wasted. Monday I saw a movie but only after wasting about 45 minutes on the phone (toll free doesn't apply to my go-phone, over $4 wasted) with some guy in India trying to get recovery discs for my laptop. Avatar (again) because a friend hadn't seen it yet; it was okay. Tuesday I hung out with David. We looked at furniture, I picked up my glasses and went to our favorite hibachi grill with Katie and her family. Her birthday is next week. I should probably get her something. *shrug* Wednesday I dropped of the recovery discs (I'm glad they arrived quickly) and was able to pick up my laptop that afternoon (ha! after two weeks they actually do something quickly). Thursday my plans fell through. Friday they fell through again (same person but it wasn't anyone's fault). I made up a tentative fall schedule but it was only eleven credit hours. I planned out an alternate schedule that gets me at thirteen hours. I'll talk more about those in a bit. At least I took care of a friend last night, he was having car trouble. It was nice to be useful after what feels like a rather unproductive week.
About college and learning
This fall will be the start of my fourth year at UCA, sixth in college total. I came to UCA with an associate of art degree that was basically everything I did in high school in half the time but paid money for it. I hardly remember any of it. UCA has been a huge learning experience, not just academically. I really struggled to learn how to study and to find the motivation to study but I think I'm finally getting a grip on it. Socially, I've been learning a lot the things most people learned in high school. Moving to Arkansas was a good thing but somewhere along the way I stalled out. I blame the depression. I'm not very well socialized to begin with (my rather introverted nature makes it difficult) but such a sickness of the mind stunted my social and emotional development. So between sixteen and nineteen I learned and grew very little.
I look back on those high school (especially first two college) years with some mixed feelings. I see a lot that was wrong in how I thought and felt about things but I've gained some wisdom in reflecting on those years. Romantically speaking, I didn't date anyone. Sure, there were a couple guys in junior high (back in Oklahoma) that I called boyfriends (not at the same time) and the feelings were mutual but that was it. I was attracted to a few people in Arkansas but I didn't have any relationships. There was internal drama over Alex (it was horrible) and, before that, even a little over this guy named Daniel (I see some of how he is now and I wonder how I ever could have been attracted to him). I found what I now call my "love diary". It has a couple entries on our road trip to NYC after I graduated high school. The rest are all about the guys of interest in my life. It's interesting to see I only wrote about five guys and how the entries reflect on my state of mind.
Most were about Alex. It was like reading from the diary of a junior high girl and her unhealthy obsession with him. I wrote comments in the margins, half humorous, mostly insightful. It was good to relive and paint over those memories with a more objective and positive light. The next few were about a friend here at UCA. After him was a single entry about choosing between Matt and Derek. I wrote a follow up about it (with some reflecting) before adding another entry about one of my brothers in Christ and concluding now is the not the time for that kind of love.
Time changes things so quickly. A little over a year ago, I'd decided I was ready to love because I no longer felt I needed a boyfriend. I'm not as hopeless broken as i once was. My view has altered some since then. I've come to the conclusion that while I've been open to the possibility of a relationship, I'm not ready for one. That doesn't bother me. I have issues to work through and school is more important. I'm deeply satisfied with my friendships (most of which are with men--yes you're men now, not boys). It'd be unfair to me and him; trying to balance our involvement in each others' lives, working through my personal problems and school all at once.
I spend a lot of time analyzing myself: my thoughts, actions, motivations...my nature. It's been amazing to learn about myself. I know how I work and I'm learning more all the time. I refuse to regret my past and insist on learning from it. I'm rambling now. Moving on!
Scheduling Challenges
So I'm planning out my classes for the fall and updating my degree plan. Having done all my gen eds makes padding my classes difficult, I have to pad with time rather than easy courses. I've finally learned that with my double major I shouldn't try for the standard fifteen credit hours but something closer to the twelve hour minimum to be full time. This is due to the fact that my classes actually entail more time than I'm given credit for (not that other majors aren't time-intensive). My science classes all have labs (with few exceptions) and my education classes always involve field work (usually observation). Factor in the time I need to study and the fact that I want to TA for a few labs, suddenly fifteen hours is a bit excessive and twelve is perfectly reasonable. I mentioned earlier I'd made up a couple tentative schedules, one with eleven credit hours and another with thirteen. So what do you think?
Spring break comes to end and classes begin again on Monday. My friends and peers are slowly returning. I'm sitting here wondering if my week was wasted. Monday I saw a movie but only after wasting about 45 minutes on the phone (toll free doesn't apply to my go-phone, over $4 wasted) with some guy in India trying to get recovery discs for my laptop. Avatar (again) because a friend hadn't seen it yet; it was okay. Tuesday I hung out with David. We looked at furniture, I picked up my glasses and went to our favorite hibachi grill with Katie and her family. Her birthday is next week. I should probably get her something. *shrug* Wednesday I dropped of the recovery discs (I'm glad they arrived quickly) and was able to pick up my laptop that afternoon (ha! after two weeks they actually do something quickly). Thursday my plans fell through. Friday they fell through again (same person but it wasn't anyone's fault). I made up a tentative fall schedule but it was only eleven credit hours. I planned out an alternate schedule that gets me at thirteen hours. I'll talk more about those in a bit. At least I took care of a friend last night, he was having car trouble. It was nice to be useful after what feels like a rather unproductive week.About college and learning
This fall will be the start of my fourth year at UCA, sixth in college total. I came to UCA with an associate of art degree that was basically everything I did in high school in half the time but paid money for it. I hardly remember any of it. UCA has been a huge learning experience, not just academically. I really struggled to learn how to study and to find the motivation to study but I think I'm finally getting a grip on it. Socially, I've been learning a lot the things most people learned in high school. Moving to Arkansas was a good thing but somewhere along the way I stalled out. I blame the depression. I'm not very well socialized to begin with (my rather introverted nature makes it difficult) but such a sickness of the mind stunted my social and emotional development. So between sixteen and nineteen I learned and grew very little.
I look back on those high school (especially first two college) years with some mixed feelings. I see a lot that was wrong in how I thought and felt about things but I've gained some wisdom in reflecting on those years. Romantically speaking, I didn't date anyone. Sure, there were a couple guys in junior high (back in Oklahoma) that I called boyfriends (not at the same time) and the feelings were mutual but that was it. I was attracted to a few people in Arkansas but I didn't have any relationships. There was internal drama over Alex (it was horrible) and, before that, even a little over this guy named Daniel (I see some of how he is now and I wonder how I ever could have been attracted to him). I found what I now call my "love diary". It has a couple entries on our road trip to NYC after I graduated high school. The rest are all about the guys of interest in my life. It's interesting to see I only wrote about five guys and how the entries reflect on my state of mind.
Most were about Alex. It was like reading from the diary of a junior high girl and her unhealthy obsession with him. I wrote comments in the margins, half humorous, mostly insightful. It was good to relive and paint over those memories with a more objective and positive light. The next few were about a friend here at UCA. After him was a single entry about choosing between Matt and Derek. I wrote a follow up about it (with some reflecting) before adding another entry about one of my brothers in Christ and concluding now is the not the time for that kind of love.
Time changes things so quickly. A little over a year ago, I'd decided I was ready to love because I no longer felt I needed a boyfriend. I'm not as hopeless broken as i once was. My view has altered some since then. I've come to the conclusion that while I've been open to the possibility of a relationship, I'm not ready for one. That doesn't bother me. I have issues to work through and school is more important. I'm deeply satisfied with my friendships (most of which are with men--yes you're men now, not boys). It'd be unfair to me and him; trying to balance our involvement in each others' lives, working through my personal problems and school all at once.
I spend a lot of time analyzing myself: my thoughts, actions, motivations...my nature. It's been amazing to learn about myself. I know how I work and I'm learning more all the time. I refuse to regret my past and insist on learning from it. I'm rambling now. Moving on!
Scheduling Challenges
So I'm planning out my classes for the fall and updating my degree plan. Having done all my gen eds makes padding my classes difficult, I have to pad with time rather than easy courses. I've finally learned that with my double major I shouldn't try for the standard fifteen credit hours but something closer to the twelve hour minimum to be full time. This is due to the fact that my classes actually entail more time than I'm given credit for (not that other majors aren't time-intensive). My science classes all have labs (with few exceptions) and my education classes always involve field work (usually observation). Factor in the time I need to study and the fact that I want to TA for a few labs, suddenly fifteen hours is a bit excessive and twelve is perfectly reasonable. I mentioned earlier I'd made up a couple tentative schedules, one with eleven credit hours and another with thirteen. So what do you think?
Friday, February 26, 2010
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in
Have you had one those moments where something you've known all along suddenly sinks in and you get it? I had that last night. I've been struggling with procrastination for so long now that I've become jaded to the possibility I'll ever overcome it. I'd start each semester with enthusiasm. (Yeah! This time I'm going to stay on top of it and do well.) Usually about a month in I've lost it and fall into a rather depressive and anxious apathy. It's not pretty.
There's a progression that can be traced to the procrastination. I started by finishing a homework assignment due Friday on the Monday before it was due. I felt good. I was making notes from powerpoints online in preparation for class. I was reading the texts. It was awesome. I started to get comfortable. I figure, "I can do it later". Very quickly, I find myself waiting until the night before an assignment is due (sometimes even in the hours before the class). In many cases, I don't even bother to do the assignment or study. Come test day, I go in with no real idea of what I need to know. I earn a bad grade and I start to wonder if there's any point in trying to do better for the next test. Midterm rolls around, I'm stressed, depressed and resigning to failure. It's a quick drop from there to the actual outcome (failure).
Doing this every semester since....freshman year (oh man) takes its toll. I've always had trouble with it. When faced with something I don't want to do or deal with, I run away. I'm a daydreamer so it's easy to do that. Some of my most popular works on deviantART are the result of me avoiding study. I've logged over 45 days in World of Warcraft as a result of it. I follow 16 webcomics (and counting), 24 people on twitter (and counting), subscribe to 28 channels (and counting) on youtube, watch 260+ deviants and clubs (and counting, see the pattern?), I read Dear ---- everyday, I have bookmarks to diverting sites including the Cheezburger network the site index. More are added on a regular basis. These all aren't bad in and of themselves but I only know about them because I've sought them out in avoidance of productive work. I check my social networks daily (often several times a day) and it's really pathetic. I could spend an entire day just keeping up to date with all of them. So what changed last night?
Christ Church Conway didn't do it's "off-week" get together. The "on" weeks, we meet with Patch and are going through Galatians. The off weeks we wanted to get together to pray, care for each other, and whatever else God inspires us to do. Well, Drew was gone at work and only a couple people showed up. So, I came back to the apartment. For some strange reason I came in, sat down, put up my Movie Music Pandora station and full screen SitBack on deviantART (set to spring-related deviations). This is my study combo. It's mostly instrumental music with nice images on the screen (the rest is black so it blocks everything else out). It keeps me focused a lot better. Anyway, I started on my physics homework and I was struck at how easy it was. I was relaxed doing it. BAM!. Why have I putting myself through all this misery over an easy and almost therapeutic assignment?
It's carried over to this morning. I got up and worked a little on an assignment that's due Tuesday. After this blog, I'm going to finish my lab write-up for Organic and do next week's pre-lab assignment. Sunday afternoon I'm getting with a friend to figure out how to write our physics lab report. And it goes on. I mean, wow! That moment was quite a while in the making. There's more to it. As I've said, I've known about this problem for a while and exactly how to fix it. Get it done early! You have more time to do the fun stuff and suddenly those time wasters are much less interesting. So what are the other pieces? Hm.
I was very lucky to get away with C's for the first physics and organic chemistry tests. I like to go back and find the correct answers to the questions I got wrong. I was able to get most of the ones reworked to the right answer but there were a couple I was unsure of. I finally got to meet with my organic professor Tuesday afternoon to ask him. During the course of the conversation, he said a of stuff I already knew. That conversation was another push in the right direction because I studied some for the organic quiz on Thursday. As Caitlin said to me, "Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else." Wednesday I didn't go to chemistry tutoring but I stayed in and studied for a few hours more for Thursday's quiz in organic (I think I did pretty well on it, by the way).
Well, the last pieces are ready to fall into place. My mp3 player (which I accidentally dropped into water a week or so ago) seemed to finally be working properly again yesterday. I'd had various songs stuck in my head but I wanted to hear Gravity (originally by Chris Martin of Coldplay, first recorded by Embrace). Now, my mp3 player is set to shuffle unless I'm listening to certain playlists (usually the writing ones). The next three songs after Gravity were what I needed to hear: "Let It All Come Out" by Newsboys (lyrics), "Day by Day" by dcTalk (lyrics), and finally "Sleeping in" by Nevertheless (see below). Crazy, huh?
And so it all came together into that one simple truth finally sinking in: get it done early.
"Sleeping in" by Nevertheless
There's a progression that can be traced to the procrastination. I started by finishing a homework assignment due Friday on the Monday before it was due. I felt good. I was making notes from powerpoints online in preparation for class. I was reading the texts. It was awesome. I started to get comfortable. I figure, "I can do it later". Very quickly, I find myself waiting until the night before an assignment is due (sometimes even in the hours before the class). In many cases, I don't even bother to do the assignment or study. Come test day, I go in with no real idea of what I need to know. I earn a bad grade and I start to wonder if there's any point in trying to do better for the next test. Midterm rolls around, I'm stressed, depressed and resigning to failure. It's a quick drop from there to the actual outcome (failure).
Doing this every semester since....freshman year (oh man) takes its toll. I've always had trouble with it. When faced with something I don't want to do or deal with, I run away. I'm a daydreamer so it's easy to do that. Some of my most popular works on deviantART are the result of me avoiding study. I've logged over 45 days in World of Warcraft as a result of it. I follow 16 webcomics (and counting), 24 people on twitter (and counting), subscribe to 28 channels (and counting) on youtube, watch 260+ deviants and clubs (and counting, see the pattern?), I read Dear ---- everyday, I have bookmarks to diverting sites including the Cheezburger network the site index. More are added on a regular basis. These all aren't bad in and of themselves but I only know about them because I've sought them out in avoidance of productive work. I check my social networks daily (often several times a day) and it's really pathetic. I could spend an entire day just keeping up to date with all of them. So what changed last night?
Christ Church Conway didn't do it's "off-week" get together. The "on" weeks, we meet with Patch and are going through Galatians. The off weeks we wanted to get together to pray, care for each other, and whatever else God inspires us to do. Well, Drew was gone at work and only a couple people showed up. So, I came back to the apartment. For some strange reason I came in, sat down, put up my Movie Music Pandora station and full screen SitBack on deviantART (set to spring-related deviations). This is my study combo. It's mostly instrumental music with nice images on the screen (the rest is black so it blocks everything else out). It keeps me focused a lot better. Anyway, I started on my physics homework and I was struck at how easy it was. I was relaxed doing it. BAM!. Why have I putting myself through all this misery over an easy and almost therapeutic assignment?
It's carried over to this morning. I got up and worked a little on an assignment that's due Tuesday. After this blog, I'm going to finish my lab write-up for Organic and do next week's pre-lab assignment. Sunday afternoon I'm getting with a friend to figure out how to write our physics lab report. And it goes on. I mean, wow! That moment was quite a while in the making. There's more to it. As I've said, I've known about this problem for a while and exactly how to fix it. Get it done early! You have more time to do the fun stuff and suddenly those time wasters are much less interesting. So what are the other pieces? Hm.
I was very lucky to get away with C's for the first physics and organic chemistry tests. I like to go back and find the correct answers to the questions I got wrong. I was able to get most of the ones reworked to the right answer but there were a couple I was unsure of. I finally got to meet with my organic professor Tuesday afternoon to ask him. During the course of the conversation, he said a of stuff I already knew. That conversation was another push in the right direction because I studied some for the organic quiz on Thursday. As Caitlin said to me, "Sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else." Wednesday I didn't go to chemistry tutoring but I stayed in and studied for a few hours more for Thursday's quiz in organic (I think I did pretty well on it, by the way).
Well, the last pieces are ready to fall into place. My mp3 player (which I accidentally dropped into water a week or so ago) seemed to finally be working properly again yesterday. I'd had various songs stuck in my head but I wanted to hear Gravity (originally by Chris Martin of Coldplay, first recorded by Embrace). Now, my mp3 player is set to shuffle unless I'm listening to certain playlists (usually the writing ones). The next three songs after Gravity were what I needed to hear: "Let It All Come Out" by Newsboys (lyrics), "Day by Day" by dcTalk (lyrics), and finally "Sleeping in" by Nevertheless (see below). Crazy, huh?
And so it all came together into that one simple truth finally sinking in: get it done early.
"Sleeping in" by Nevertheless
I've been sleeping in for days,
'Cause when I am awake,
I will have to face my life.
And I'm hoping it's a phase.
The walls that I create
Can only make it seem alright.
And I get carried away like I'm the only one
Who's ever felt the way that I do,
But I can hear you say, "You're not the only one.
'Cause everybody hopes to get through."
And it's got me sleeping in.
Every day God, it's the same thing.
Yeah, you caught me sleeping in.
I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting.
I need you here with me to face the world outside
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.
I've been waking up with fear,
'Cause all that I can hear
The ringing of alarms downtown.
It's been going on for years,
And you have made it clear
That I am not alone in this crowd.
And I get carried away like I'm the only one
Who's ever felt the way that I do,
But I can hear you say, "You're not the only one.
'Cause everybody hopes to get through."
And it's got me sleeping in.
Every day God, it's the same thing.
Yeah, you caught me sleeping in.
I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting.
I need you here with me to face the world outside
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.
Open up my eyes.
I'm tired of sleeping in
In a world that's dying to wake up.
And it's got me sleeping in.
Yeah, It's got me sleeping in.
And it's got me sleeping in.
Every day God, it's the same thing.
Yeah, you caught me sleeping in.
I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting.
I need you here with me to face the world outside
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.
'Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.
Yeah I'm done with sleeping in.
Saturday, February 6, 2010
School connects with life
Introduction
This may come a shock to some but you learn a lot of stuff in college that is usable in the "real world". I'm not just talking about the classes you take. Actually, (in this case) I kind of am. In classroom management this week, we've started talking about caring and safety in the classroom. If students don't think we care (about them and our job), why should they? If they don't feel safe, it distracts from learning. One of the aspects of this is being sensitive to students' concerns. It involves various things but I want to focus on what I have to present on Tuesday (in a poster): privacy in addressing things.
Lead-in
There are certain things you want to address privately in the classroom: grades, inappropriate behavior, and emotional/social issues. Students don't always want to stand out. Some would be embarrassed to be singled out for a particularly good or bad grade. Inappropriate behavior is a difficult one, too. You don't want to call them out in front of everyone but it can't be ignored. If a student is having an issue (break-up, troubled home life, etc.), it's good to talk to them, to help them understand what they feel and how to deal the situation (if they can).
The meat of it
So, this can apply to "real life". As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are accountable to each other. If a friend is going through some rough times, talk to them privately. Their problems don't need to be made public. If someone does something inappropriate or otherwise bothers you, that should be addressed privately as well. I would do this for you and I expect you to do it for me. In truth and love, we care for one another. We must heed His urges to help guide and correct one another. In doing so, we create unity, accountability, and caring. It's all for the advancement of His kingdom and deepening our relationships not only with Him but each other as well. That is how the body of Christ functions.
This may come a shock to some but you learn a lot of stuff in college that is usable in the "real world". I'm not just talking about the classes you take. Actually, (in this case) I kind of am. In classroom management this week, we've started talking about caring and safety in the classroom. If students don't think we care (about them and our job), why should they? If they don't feel safe, it distracts from learning. One of the aspects of this is being sensitive to students' concerns. It involves various things but I want to focus on what I have to present on Tuesday (in a poster): privacy in addressing things.
Lead-in
There are certain things you want to address privately in the classroom: grades, inappropriate behavior, and emotional/social issues. Students don't always want to stand out. Some would be embarrassed to be singled out for a particularly good or bad grade. Inappropriate behavior is a difficult one, too. You don't want to call them out in front of everyone but it can't be ignored. If a student is having an issue (break-up, troubled home life, etc.), it's good to talk to them, to help them understand what they feel and how to deal the situation (if they can).
The meat of it
So, this can apply to "real life". As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are accountable to each other. If a friend is going through some rough times, talk to them privately. Their problems don't need to be made public. If someone does something inappropriate or otherwise bothers you, that should be addressed privately as well. I would do this for you and I expect you to do it for me. In truth and love, we care for one another. We must heed His urges to help guide and correct one another. In doing so, we create unity, accountability, and caring. It's all for the advancement of His kingdom and deepening our relationships not only with Him but each other as well. That is how the body of Christ functions.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
Impressions
[Have you ever been going about your business and all of a sudden there's this explosion and you're left dazed, wondering what happened? It was like that. After an earthquake, it's best to get away from the rubble and gas leaks before an aftershock strikes.] Anyway, I have something more interesting to talk about anyway, school!
So the first couple of days were great. I spend Wednesday writing notes for organic from the powerpoint the instructor. Oh thank God for internet and blackboard! Thursday was the start of classes. I got up early and met with a professor before class to talk about my job (going to be a TA for a couple of his labs this semester). The meeting was only about 10 minutes so I was half an hour early for my first class of the day (organic). I was pleased to learn there are about four people in that class I know. I immediately noticed a problem though, sitting next to one of my buddies has made me more talkative (it's related to the class but still not needed). I don't want to be a disruption in the class, otherwise I'll get on the instructor's bad side (do not want!). I actually like this instructor, he's energetic and clearly loves what he's doing. He checks often for understanding and as a result (at least in my opinion) his class moves along faster than the others. We usually end up a chapter ahead of them.
My next class was (I want to say learning and development) classroom management. This is another good instructor. He taught junior high english for a few years. I had learning and development with him last spring and it was a great class. This will be 4000 (senior) level course but I'm not too worried about it. He doesn't make it too hard to make a B or even an A but we still learn a lot and are challenged throughout the course.
There was an amusing moment in that class. We did an exercise where we had to walk around the room and talk at the same time; choosing three things to say about ourselves from a short, fun questionnaire we were given. The guy who went before me decided to go with the "I think ______ is overrated." line as of his three things. He chose science. I was going to say "I have never been [skydiving] but want to some day." but a few others had chosen that as well. Instead I went with the subject area and grade level(s): chemistry, 11th-12th grades because [blah blah blah]. We all had a good laugh. I really need to talk to that guy and help set him straight on his science literacy. Scientists are not full of themselves, thinking they know it all. We're not like that. Granted, we know more than you (lol) but we're fully aware that there's so much more to discover and that what we think we know and understand could be turned on its head with the next publication.
Moving on: university physics I (again). This time is a different instructor. I actually had him for Descriptive Astronomy last year. I really liked that class; I learned a lot about celestial objects and what we know about our universe. It was easy, but then again it only required algebra, not calculus. His style is a bit different from the instructor I had last semester but I think I like it. The class is small, we only have 1 lab and about 30 people. He didn't use a powerpoint presentation for the first session but he didn't really need one. Now lab reports are a bit different, he doesn't want them written quite the same way as we did with the other professor. It's simpler but seems to convey just as much information. I like that. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm saying...
The only class I haven't been to yet is Organic Spectroscopy. It's taught by the same professor whose labs I'm working.
Okay, well I've avoided productive work long enough. Need to catch up on being ahead. If I finish early enough, I might play some World of Warcraft. :P
So the first couple of days were great. I spend Wednesday writing notes for organic from the powerpoint the instructor. Oh thank God for internet and blackboard! Thursday was the start of classes. I got up early and met with a professor before class to talk about my job (going to be a TA for a couple of his labs this semester). The meeting was only about 10 minutes so I was half an hour early for my first class of the day (organic). I was pleased to learn there are about four people in that class I know. I immediately noticed a problem though, sitting next to one of my buddies has made me more talkative (it's related to the class but still not needed). I don't want to be a disruption in the class, otherwise I'll get on the instructor's bad side (do not want!). I actually like this instructor, he's energetic and clearly loves what he's doing. He checks often for understanding and as a result (at least in my opinion) his class moves along faster than the others. We usually end up a chapter ahead of them.
My next class was (I want to say learning and development) classroom management. This is another good instructor. He taught junior high english for a few years. I had learning and development with him last spring and it was a great class. This will be 4000 (senior) level course but I'm not too worried about it. He doesn't make it too hard to make a B or even an A but we still learn a lot and are challenged throughout the course.
There was an amusing moment in that class. We did an exercise where we had to walk around the room and talk at the same time; choosing three things to say about ourselves from a short, fun questionnaire we were given. The guy who went before me decided to go with the "I think ______ is overrated." line as of his three things. He chose science. I was going to say "I have never been [skydiving] but want to some day." but a few others had chosen that as well. Instead I went with the subject area and grade level(s): chemistry, 11th-12th grades because [blah blah blah]. We all had a good laugh. I really need to talk to that guy and help set him straight on his science literacy. Scientists are not full of themselves, thinking they know it all. We're not like that. Granted, we know more than you (lol) but we're fully aware that there's so much more to discover and that what we think we know and understand could be turned on its head with the next publication.
Moving on: university physics I (again). This time is a different instructor. I actually had him for Descriptive Astronomy last year. I really liked that class; I learned a lot about celestial objects and what we know about our universe. It was easy, but then again it only required algebra, not calculus. His style is a bit different from the instructor I had last semester but I think I like it. The class is small, we only have 1 lab and about 30 people. He didn't use a powerpoint presentation for the first session but he didn't really need one. Now lab reports are a bit different, he doesn't want them written quite the same way as we did with the other professor. It's simpler but seems to convey just as much information. I like that. I'm just trying to figure out what I'm saying...
The only class I haven't been to yet is Organic Spectroscopy. It's taught by the same professor whose labs I'm working.
Okay, well I've avoided productive work long enough. Need to catch up on being ahead. If I finish early enough, I might play some World of Warcraft. :P
Monday, January 11, 2010
Apropos of Coldplay, school, and life in general
Coldplay?
Yes. At Grace's party, another friend of hers sang/played on the guitar the song "See You Soon". Ever since, my obsession for their music has renewed. I can't remember if I'd said it before but their music truly resonates with me and how I think with their moods, melodies and lyrics. It will be a truly sad day for me when they no longer produce music. i don't even want to think about it...!
School
Classes start Thursday. I'm excited and a bit anxious. I'm taking only 13 hours but it's three science classes (physics 1: 1000 level course, organic chemistry 2 and organic spectroscopy: 3000) and an education course (4000 level course!). I'm also going to be a TA for a couple physiological chemistry labs (taught by the same instructor as my organic spec class). Throw in field experience for my education class, attempting to keep some social contact, be creative (I must return to writing, journal coding&design, etc!), and most importantly focus on God and grow in faith...that's a lot!
It's okay, though (I guess). When I'm busy, I have purpose. Last semester, I was too busy and basically...this needs a metaphor. (I'm a metaphorically thinking kind of girl, ya know?) Juggling. Yes, that fits. 13 hours is just right, I can handle juggling that course load and do what I love/need to do. Last semester I was at 16 and in my attempt to juggle everything, most of the balls were dropped (or at least the more expensive ones, tuition isn't cheap)so I actually got little-to-nothing done. Too little (like staying home and playing WoW all day), and it gets boring. No challenge! I lose focus, suffer from apathy and melancholy sets in. Yes, this will do nicely.
Life in general.
Dear Grace is leaving us for a semester abroad. Keep her in your prayers. I'll post a prayer now, actually.
Yes. At Grace's party, another friend of hers sang/played on the guitar the song "See You Soon". Ever since, my obsession for their music has renewed. I can't remember if I'd said it before but their music truly resonates with me and how I think with their moods, melodies and lyrics. It will be a truly sad day for me when they no longer produce music. i don't even want to think about it...!
School
Classes start Thursday. I'm excited and a bit anxious. I'm taking only 13 hours but it's three science classes (physics 1: 1000 level course, organic chemistry 2 and organic spectroscopy: 3000) and an education course (4000 level course!). I'm also going to be a TA for a couple physiological chemistry labs (taught by the same instructor as my organic spec class). Throw in field experience for my education class, attempting to keep some social contact, be creative (I must return to writing, journal coding&design, etc!), and most importantly focus on God and grow in faith...that's a lot!
It's okay, though (I guess). When I'm busy, I have purpose. Last semester, I was too busy and basically...this needs a metaphor. (I'm a metaphorically thinking kind of girl, ya know?) Juggling. Yes, that fits. 13 hours is just right, I can handle juggling that course load and do what I love/need to do. Last semester I was at 16 and in my attempt to juggle everything, most of the balls were dropped (or at least the more expensive ones, tuition isn't cheap)so I actually got little-to-nothing done. Too little (like staying home and playing WoW all day), and it gets boring. No challenge! I lose focus, suffer from apathy and melancholy sets in. Yes, this will do nicely.
Life in general.
Dear Grace is leaving us for a semester abroad. Keep her in your prayers. I'll post a prayer now, actually.
Abba, You are so awesome. Your love is more than we can ever know or even hold. We know you are with us. We know You'll take care of her. Let her be a light to those she meets and to grow more in You. Keep her safe. Help her to see more of the good in the world and those in it.
For those that will miss her, may we also grow in You and be a blessing to those around us. Help us to focus on what matters and not stress over everything. You've got it under control. May we learn more about our respective disciplines, Your Word, and You. May we grow closer together; caring, loving, supporting, exhorting, and teaching each other.
We thank You so much for Your love and sacrifice. In Your son's name, Amen.
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