Not looking to my own interests

          Recently a few people have encouraged me to, um, maybe not be forward, but at least say something to my crush. Yeah, I have one, in case you didn't know. Well, sort of. I'm okay as long as I'm not around him, otherwise I feel like I'm literally going crazy and I do not enjoy it. No, I don't intend to say anything to his face. Why? I can give a litany of reasons/excuses (take your pick) but in the end I care more about the friendships I do have than whether some guy likes me back. That and the whole crush-comes-and-goes thing. Oh, and marriage isn't something we can take to heaven. He's a friend and brother in Christ. We're going to the same place; that's enough.
          In Matthew 6:25-34, Jesus talks about not worrying. Granted, food, clothes and shelter are the focus but why should it not include romantic relationships? God's in control and He's on my side. I've got better things to do, like pour my time and energy into my other relationships. Those are worth working for. Those are the treasures I can build up in heaven. Either I marry someone with whom I can further God's kingdom better than going it alone or with someone else, or I don't marry at all. Otherwise, what's the point? I don't feel like working or fighting for something that's not mine to chase.

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Philippians 2:3-4

Bring it

January 5, 2013
          When I woke, all I could think was: Bring it. Bring it God. Whatever You want, bring it. I'm ready. It'll hurt like...hell but heal like heaven. Break me down, strip me down and flesh me out again. Mold me like clay. Bring it, God!     bring it.

December 1, 2013
          Bring it, Mishal. Now is the time. Remember January? How you woke up one day and asked God to "bring it"? To break you down and tear down walls, all to remake you in the image and form He desires? Now is the time to rise to the challenge. You can do this. He is making you into a formidable yet humble and loving woman of God. He has brought you this far. Now rise to the challenge you asked for. Rise, for the Lord is calling you to action, to service, to follow, to obedience.

          One of the crazy things about this year is that God really did "bring it". I challenged Him to test me and make me more into the person He wants me to be. It's exactly what is happening even now. I am not who I was a year ago or even four months ago. It is only in reflection that I see it. Still, the "bringing" of "it" is not quite over. I still have more to face. More to overcome and grow into. Lately, though, I'd been feeling weak. I wasn't sure I could change. I couldn't bring myself to do what needed doing. I was in a rut. Maybe I still am.
          I've been slowly reading through the the gospel of Luke for the past month. Yesterday I read 11:27-32. That Jesus had said, "...those who hear the word of God and keep it are blessed!" stuck out to me because in church we're studying Matthew's gospel and we've been in the Beatitudes the last few weeks (up to verse 9 as of last week). I didn't allow myself to reflect on it but moved on with my day.
          Yet, today I woke up and wrote that down in my journal. I hunger and thirst for righteousness. So, I will chase it. I will bring it. I can't let anything stop me.

"Those who hunger and thirst for righteousness are blessed, for they will be filled."
          - Matthew 5:6
"And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him."
          - Colossians 3:17

What am I motivated by?

          When I think of "not for men" part of Colossians 3:23, I can't help but feel "men" includes our own selves. Is what I do done for my own comfort? Convenience? Safety? Pride? Reputation? It seems to me that anything done for any other reason than for God and His kingdom is done for ourselves. All sin, then, is a form of self-idolatry (Colossians 3:5). By choosing to act in a way contrary to His will, I'm saying I know better and that I should be God. I'm telling Him that He's not enough for me and I don't trust Him. How much would it hurt if someone I loved expressed that to me? That a gift or plans I prepared for them were so brashly rejected?
          So what am I motivated by? What do I want to be motivated by? The Bible tells us "the greatest...is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13). When I consider the whole chapter, I realize that love for God and love for people should be what motivates me (Colossians 3:14-15). It motivates me to work hard, be patient, bear anything, continue when it seems hopeless, to forgive and trust even when hurt. Perfect, complete love casts out fear (1 John 4:17-19). There's no room for hate or struggling for my "due" (Philippians 2:5-6). Then I find myself doing "brave" and "kind" things, though at the time they seem "stupid" or "weak", it'll be worth it in the end (Galatians 6:9).

Jump start for the soul

          This evening I had the perfect opportunity to share the gospel...and I didn't. Why? I'm not good with words, lead-ins, talking in general, I'm out of practice, I'm shy....take your pick. Still, none of those are good excuses. What would you have done in my situation? I'll share some verses at the end that came to mind.
          It started with a craving. I really wanted something cold and full of sugar. I also really needed to study, so I took a textbook along. Coupon in hand, I head over to Sonic for a 99¢ Route 44 tub-of-future-diabetes cherry slush. I hang around, planning to stay until I've read what I needed to read.
          While I was reading, someone pulled into a space to my right. It was an older car, didn't look to be in the best shape. He stuck around after ordering his food (or drink, wasn't paying attention). Then he tried to start his car. Tried. It made a repetitive sound I've learned to associate with a dead battery. Not something you want at 7:45pm.
          As he continued to try starting the car, I began to think I should get out of my car and offer my help. I plan out a simple question like: Do you need fuel or a jump start? Still I kept my silence and continued reading, with an occasional glance up. He rootws around the backseat and his trunk before opening his hood. Just as I finish reading the chapter, he tapped on my passenger window. Well, no avoiding it now!
          He mentions a dead battery and could I help jump start his car? Sure! After some searching, and then fighting with the lever to pop the front, hood...the jumper cables wouldn't reach. He thanked me and seemed to be considering other options. I recommended a solution: pull out of the spaces, park along the edge of the parking lot [so we're out of the way] with the cars facing each other. I'm fairly proud of the scheme, honestly, especially since it worked!
          With his car started, he thanked me and apologized again for the trouble. I insisted multiple times that it was nothing at all. The whole time, I thought "I need to share the gospel, just say something about Jesus!" Yet I didn't say it. John Mayer had been singing a well-known refrain over Sonic's speakers, "Say what you need to say." I'll let that sink in. Off he drove. I went on my way home as well. The whole [short] ride back, I wondered why I didn't say anything. What sort of person was he? Did he already know Jesus? I could have easily used an analogy, "I have a jump-start for your soul! Let me tell you about Jesus." A few Bible passages popped into my head.
          The woman at the well: That cheesy jump start for the soul? It's not unlike Jesus telling the woman at the well that He has living water which will eternally quench thirst and even become a source for that water. Whoa, totally cool! You want to talk about Jesus jukes, Jesus himself had them down. Also: here in the South, it may be an issue for some people to help a minority. Oh yeah, the guy I helped was African-American, big deal [read: sarcasm]. We need to look past those boundaries. Jesus, a Jew, spoke to the Samaritan woman. In those days, Jews really hated Samaritans for being spiritual and maybe even genealogical half-breeds, is it were. Jesus didn't hate her, He helped her! Why can't I help someone who seemed a perfectly respectable person? Even if he wasn't, who am I to deny that help? Maybe it's exactly what he needed for a nudge in the right direction.
          Matthew 25:31-41 (especially verse 40): Am I not to help those we consider even least among us? It really is no inconvenience to help someone, especially if it is in my power to do so? See also Proverbs 3:27 paired with James 4:17, talk about conviction.
          Finally, 1 Peter 3:5: The truth is I was not prepared to explain why I had so freely agreed to help. I need to be more intentional about the opportunities I'm given, plain and simple--though, perhaps, not easy.

Do I regret becoming a Christian?

          "Well I just don't want you to wake up one day and regret it," my brother finally said.
          I insisted that would never happen but he scoffed. I was trying to explain how God had changed my life but I felt I wasn't doing a very good job of it. I stared out at the window as he drove, briefly pondering the creeping green tide of kudzu slowly engulfing the Mississippi countryside. I silently prayed for the right words but none came. I shifted subjects. There was no point in continuing. I was merely arguing.
          In the weeks since that conversation, I've thought about it off and on. I don't regret my decision to follow Christ. In my case, it was a clear yet gentle invitation and undramatic acceptance. It just made sense to me. It was followed, a few months later, with a firm and inspiring, "Do this on purpose." So I did. I haven't looked back since. No matter the struggles or dry spells, the times I'd wondered, "Have I really changed?" I had assurance in my choice and in God's never letting me go.
          Why? All I have to do is dig out one of my notebooks from the past four or so years and see the difference. I can see the person I used to be, full of anger and hatred for the world and all that was in it. (Except my cat, but he made me sneeze.) I was directionless, lonely, and anxious. I'm amazed I had any friends. I can read the lessons I've learned, the blessings I've received, the love I'm continually growing in. Whenever I doubt, I can remember what God has done in and through my life. How many times did He tell Israel: "Remember when I rescued you and made you mine."? He has never let me down; despite all my failures and imperfections, I've never been alone. He takes care of His own.
          Sometimes I wonder if my brother sees my "getting super religious" and becoming Christian means a boat load of rules and regulations; that I miss out on all the fun and live a "safe," sheltered life. But I don't feel I've missed out. What have I missed? I'm happy to have "missed out" on hangovers, losing all I am and have to drugs, post-hook up blues, pregnancy and STD scares, or the constant, anxious struggle to keep up with the Joneses.
          My life is so much more. I've been stretched and challenged to live with reckless faith. For God, I do things I would never have dreamed I could do, much less, wanted to do and become someone I never thought I could be. Do I regret it? No. My only regrets are the times I didn't trust God, to wait or act exactly as He told me when He told me the first time.
          If this is turns out to be the greatest farce in all of history, it will be sad, yes, but I won't regret a moment. God called me to be His agent in this world and build His kingdom on earth, on based on truth and love. All I have to do is love others and show them kindness even when I'm hated and hurt, be an eager and humble servant no matter my position or "due", have a grateful attitude in all situations even when it seems there's nothing to be thankful for, not worrying about anything but trusting to only concern myself with my part to play. What is there to regret?

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.
Timothy 4:7

Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own.
Philippians 3:12

4 Tips (and then some) for Introverts to Survive Staffing Super Summer

          School assignments are out, you have your kids’ names. Camp is almost here! You’re probably really excited but at the same time, apprehension may be sinking in. Not a nervous excitement (or that may be there, too) but something more akin to dread. There are going to be a lot of people. It’ll be loud. Just thinking about it may drain you. Maybe that’s you, maybe not.

          So, are you an introvert? Introverts gain energy by being alone. (Extroverts, by contrast, gain energy by being around other people.) They are generally more thoughtful and quiet (not that extroverts can’t be). If you are one, you may be accused of not liking people because large and/or loud groups of people are overwhelming and tiring on many levels. A night in with a one or two friends or alone with a book or video game seems preferable to a loud, crowded party. You may be called shy or “stuck up” because you don’t like small talk. However, you do enjoy long, stimulating discussions. Sound familiar?

          This is not the be-all and end-all discussion on how to survive camp as introvert. You may have been a camper before. Maybe you've already staffed. I went in not even knowing about Super Summer until they came to my BCM asking for staffers. This is as much a testimony to my experience as anything. Take what works, leave what doesn’t. I'll try to include relevant scripture, all quotes are NIV unless otherwise noted.

1. Don't panic (Raise your hand if you thought of the Coldplay song. No one? Oh well.) Seriously, though, God's got your back. He wouldn't ask you to do anything He wouldn't prepare you for. Consider the prophet Jeremiah:

   The word of the Lord came to me, saying,
   “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
        before you were born I set you apart;
        I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
   “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.”
   But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.
   Jeremiah 1:4-7

   Or what He said to and through Isaiah:

   So do not fear, for I am with you;
        do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
   I will strengthen you and help you;
        I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
   Isaiah 41:10

   And honestly, I cannot think of a single circumstance in which Philippians 4 does not apply. I really recommend pondering each verse in turn and then in context. There's a lot here:

   Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
   
   Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
   Philippians 4:4-9

   There are plenty of other verses but I hope you get the point. If there are others that you can hold on to and pray over leading up to and during the week, use them!


2. It's not as crazy as it seems. Even staffer training can be a bit overwhelming; packed into an auditorium with 200+ other staffers can lead to the first bit of anxiety. Then you start thinking about 1,500 kids at each camp? May be tempted to cry in the bathroom for a bit. [Yes, I did that. I welcomed it and was not ashamed of it.] Remember #1.
             So two things:
   1. You only have to worry about your 8-12 campers. You'll help corral others and keep them from causing too much trouble but your main priority is your family group.
   2. A lot of time will be spent with about 15 other staffers. Your fellow school staffers are the ones you'll be around most. You don't have to try to get to know all 200+. You'll likely begin to form friendships with many of staffers the week and (ideally) foster them in the months and years to come.
   
   
3. You need time alone, take it. This is the big sanity-saving trick. Solitude is as necessary for introverts as eating and breathing. There will be down time, even if it's 15 minutes, so go off and be alone for a bit. If you take that time to recharge and recenter, you'll be able to give your best to your fellow staffers and the campers. Don't let yourself feel ashamed or guilty about it. If you're stretched too thin being around too many people all the time, you can become irritable, negative, cranky...it's hard to exhibit fruits of the Spirit.
             This is prime time to pray, meditate, reflect, read and rest. Be alone with God. He is your refreshment.

   My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
        When can I go and meet with God?
   Psalm 42:2
   
   The Lord is good to those who wait for Him,
   to the person who seeks Him.
   It is good to wait quietly
   for deliverance from the Lord.
   Lamentations 3:25-26
   
   Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
   Matthew 11:28
   
   Return to your rest, my soul,
        for the Lord has been good to you.
   Psalm 116:7

   You can go to your room and chill (physically and otherwise). Take a nap, trust me, they work wonders. Hit the pool. Go for a walk. Sit in a quiet spot and stare are the trees or clouds. You might show up to your school early or stay back late when there are few/no people.
             Reading is an excellent option but be mindful of what you choose to take in (refer to the Philippians passage). Personally, I was working through a Bibly study book that my church's women's group had started before camp. I also read Eric Metaxas' biography on Dietrich Bonhoeffer when I could (fantastic read). The study book underlined the importance of certain disciplines like daily time in the Word and prayer. The biography was a portrait of radical obedience to God and His will in dark times. Both dovetailed nicely with the curriculum and messages at Big Church for the week as well as my Bible daily reading.
             On the other hand, I'd recommend not checking facebook, no tweeting or posting pics on instagram, etc. too often. Limit that time. There's something about such technology and the internet that clutters the mind. You need a clear head to listen to God (spiritual clutter dulls the senses--listening also helps the next two things), to serve and be an example.


1. Be in the Word. I shouldn't have to tell you that you need to do this. If you need to be told, well, now's a good time to start as any. Paul makes a good point for an overseer who manages God's household (1:9)

   He must hold firmly to the trustworthy message as it has been taught, so that he can encourage others by sound doctrine and refute those who oppose it.
   Titus 1:9

   Honestly, the whole second chapter (well, the first chapter--okay the whole book/letter) gives several compelling reasons. In reading, I hope you realize you can't be a Godly example without internalizing His teachings.

   Accept instruction from his mouth
        and lay up his words in your heart.
   Job 22:22

   Use it to build others up and get at the heart of their needs.

   All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
   2 Timothy 3:16-17

   Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
   Colossians 3:16

   For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
   Hebrews 4:12

   Plus, enjoying is has many benefits. Just see Psalm 19:7-11 and 119.


2. Pray. I got like 20+ verses when I looked for reasons why. I narrowed them down considerably, it was difficult: Pray because Jesus did (Mark 1:35, Luke 5:16). Pray because God will listen (Jeremiah 29:12). Pray with a thankful heart and pray all the time (Colossians 4:2, 1 Thessalonians 5:17). Pray because it's part of your spiritual growth (2 Thessalonians 1:11). Pray for your fellow staffers, adult leadership, for campers (1 Timothy 2:1), even when they cause you trouble (Matthew 5:44).


4. Trust Spirit empowerment and obey His calling. Whatever the Spirit moves you to do, do it. You'll be equipped. Just ask. You know it. Believe it. I knew I was supposed to staff last year. God told me almost as soon as I heard about Super Summer. I was terrified but I applied anyway. In the months leading up to camp, I prayed I would be ready, that I would survive the week and learn. I experienced a lot of growth in those leading months and weeks but I wasn't quite ready. I welcomed my little breakdown in the bathroom during staffer training. I begged God to work everything out of me before the campers came.
             I was fine for the rest of the week. I was able to connect with my girls very well. I was honest and open. I even told them, "I'm not as cool as you think I am [even with purple hair]. I'm just as awkward and imperfect as you are." The JV group especially loved that. I cheered and sang even when I started to lose my voice. I would dance, jump and run around despite exhaustion and aches. I told my girls that if I could act like a fool, dancing and cheering, they could, too. I found great comfort in the spiritual haven the camp was. I felt more free to discuss spiritual matters. I was encouraged to see so many peers and youths on fire for God. It gave me hope for the church.
             I was fine until the end of the week. At the last little staffer party on Friday night, I found myself crying alone in a corner, exhausted and overwhelmed. The week was over and the added empowerment was gone. The change in my demeanor was so radical that at breakfast the morning before we all left, a fellow staffer asked, "Are you okay?" I replied, "I'm fine. Why?" He said, "It's just you're being really quite." I smiled, "No, this is just the normal me." I can't imagine how staffers at Siloam or War Eagle can handle working all summer. One week was more than enough for me.

   Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
   Ephesians 3:20

21 things about Gulf Shores and other stuff

          I try to write succinctly but I want to recount everything. I've had better luck with lists so here goes:

1. Anthem of the week #1 "Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders/Let me walk upon the waters/Wherever You would call me//Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander/And my faith will be made stronger/In the presence of my Saviour"
   
2. Anthem #2 "Here's my heart Lord/Speak what is true".
   
3. Extra-strength Febreeze gets campfire smell out of your clothes like no one's business.
4. I didn't make leadership team I'm perfectly at peace with that.
5. That is to say: I tried being servant-leader for a year and learned I'm more of a servant than a leader.
6. I most certainly am a servant and eager follower with a gift for being merciful with all cheerfulness.
7. I'm apparently far more outgoing than I used to be. I blame God. and Super Summer.
8. I'm becoming better at expressing love through touch. I've rested my head on a lot of my new friend's shoulders this week.
9. In making friends and sharing the Gospel: being genuine and open are the most effective means of making connections with people.
10. You can dance with the ocean.
11. If you're true to your heart and let it win, you're gonna have a bad time.
12. I experienced heartache at seeing a mind clouded and heart hardened against God and His truth.
13. I'd take that pain over some guy not being interested in me any day.
14. My heart is like an unruly child; it's the most immature part of me. I need to accept that it is a part of me and train it up. Maybe then I'll be holy and wholly His. Or something like it.
15. Real Christians who love God and want to see His kingdom come are everywhere. More than I initially realized.
16. I'm proud to call the women I worked along-side sisters in Christ.
17. I'm even more humbled and honored that they would call me their friend.
18. I'm so encouraged by the brothers in Christ who were there also. We need more like you.
19. I've found further evidence that there is a man out there who meets my ridiculous standards because I keep finding increasingly larger clusters of my desired traits with each new Christian brother I meet.
20. ...but I'm not holding my breath waiting for him. God's doing His thing and I'm doing, well, His thing, too.
21. It's least I can do and all I really should do.

A few thoughts on Biblical leadership

          I don't really consider myself a leader but today I found myself turning in my application to be on the BCM's leadership team again next year. Still, I just don't see it. This is the despite the fact that I was co-guild leader back in my WoW days, led a family group at Super Summer last year and have been co-leader of the missions team (and so on the BCM leadership team) this past school year. Oh, and I'm studying high school science education. What's up with that?
          The truth is, it's not about me. It's about God and God's people. Just about everyone in the Bible God called on to serve Him were not qualified by the world's standards. They were cowards (like Gideon), from lowly professions (David was a shepherd boy, Rahab was a prostitute) or handicapped (Abraham and Sarah were too old to have children, Moses might have been a stutterer). Much of the time, even they questioned God, "You want to use ME? Do you know who you're asking? I can't do that."
          Yet they did. When they stepped back from seeing their own shortcomings and failures and trusted in God to work, God came through! He did things with and through them that we still marvel at centuries later. A quote I've heard often is: "God doesn't call the equipped but equips the called."
          I've seen this in my own life. At Passion this year, I realized that I feared my problems were too big for God to work out or through. I wanted to let Him do amazing things with and through me but I was so worried I would get in the way and screw it up. All it takes a little reflection, though, to see how God has worked out and through my problems. That's sanctification. There will always an area in which we can grow more like Christ. It's not a bad thing at all. We'll never stop becoming more like Christ yet somehow more like who we were meant to be and I find that amazing.

          So what does it take to be a leader for God? Faith and obedience. Faith is why you trusted in Him in the first place; it's what will help you obey. Sometimes we're told to wait, other times to act. If we just do as He says, He does the rest. He planned for it way in advance!
          Fall of 2011 (see 3rd paragraph), I was itching to act on my faith but I didn't know what. Then Dustin Sams comes to the BCM worship and preaches out of James, faith results in works. He plugs staffing Super Summer and I applied. I'm a sedentary introvert. Why would I go to a camp hosting 2,800 teens, screaming, yelling, dancing and acting like a fool to get them pumped up? I was really anxious right on through the staff training in the days before the camp. But then something happened, I had a break down. It was during the second day of training and prep. I welcomed it. I was crying in the bathroom calling on God to work out of me what needed working out. People kept asking me what was wrong and trying to encourage me. I told them to let it be, it needed to happen.
          For the rest of the camp, I was fine. I was exhausted, losing my voice but I was still cheering, singing and dancing. I was an encouragement to the campers and fellow staffers. I got to know and love my girls, all 24 of them (12 each for the junior and senior camps). Guess what? At the end of the camp, I was crying again. I was exhausted, overwhelmed and it was over. Another staffer at breakfast the next day actually asked me if I was okay because I was so quiet. I had to explain: nothing's wrong, this is the normal me.
          In applying to staff, I was scared out of my wits but I knew God wanted me to do it. I knew I needed a challenge. Even now, I'm still daunted by what I'm being called to, and by the growth I desire and have asked for. Yet, when I've trusted in God and done as He asked, I've experienced amazing things. After faith and obedience, all I really need to be a leader is a love for and desire to serve others. In the end, we're not leaders to lord over subjects and make them do our bidding, we're servants working to build up and equip fellow believers to do and be what God desires (Ephesians 4:11-13). I have that. I can do that. So I will.

Ephesians 3:16-21 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Sensitivity

1 Samuel 3:1-10

           At the end of the period of the judges (by Samuel's time), Israelite society had degenerated to horrific violence and apostasy. The people had turned away and did what they thought (rather than what God had said) was right, chasing after their own desires and seeking sensation/sensuality and fulfillment in anything but God.
           It's building up a tolerance to evil, dulling the moral senses and clouding perception. Even the priest Eli's senses were dulled (physically as well as spiritually) and let his sons engage in such evil as to bring judgement upon them and their family (2:22-36, 3:11-14). It, then, is no surprise to learn that "in those days messages from the Lord were very rare". Almost no one was listening, very few wanted to and so they couldn't.
           Samuel was not like that. He was serving God and not his own desires. He was sensitive to God's calling and he responded in faith. We need to be more like him. As I've let go of this world and embraced God, I've felt more sensitive to everything. That which didn't fase me before is overwhelmingly terrible now, disturbing even, and the things of this world are equally unsatisfying. On the other hand, things of God are more satisfying and I feel His presence more tangibly. The subtleties of His communication are more apparent. When I let it, His voice comes in quite clearly.
           I used to expect God, demand Him to yell over the spiritual noise in my life. At times He did but more often I had to tune my hearing to Him. He shouldn't have to yell for me to hear anymore than I would have to yell for Him to hear me. Still, time and again I have to shut out the world and fight for such silence within and without to hear. It seems easier to keep the noise than bear the silence as I adjust but His song is always sweeter, more beautiful and more...real. Like Samuel, we need to live in service to God rather than ourselves. If we let go, we'll be able to hear God was speaking all along.