So much has happened since my last post. I've started several posts but not posted any of them. I'll recount the events of the past month or so as briefly as possible but I doubt this will be a short post.
First, there was the Halloween party at Drew's place. It was a blast. We all headed down to this hometown. Upon arrival we were once again whisked away to tree-shaded roads and open fields in the darkness. There was a hay ride and we were to scare the children and their parents as best we could. I spent two hours in a deep stand with Caitlin, talking about stuff and trying to find a scary ring-tone to use when the hay ride came by. I stayed the night and in the morning we went to church there in town.
On the ride back, I decided to take part in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month). It's a challenge where one must write 50,000 words in 30 days (in this case, November). I chose to work on the prequel in my Ka'ne-Yuri series, Prelude, for NaNoWriMo. I've been wanting to lay down the background for quite a while now (and not just saying, "This happened"), so that's what I did. You can check out the postings I have so far in the NaNoWriMo 2009 folder of my deviantART gallery.
I was okay for the first week but the third week really threw me. I was swamped with school. In the final days I boosted the word count from 25,806 to 46,134. I didn't quite make it to 50k to win but I wrote about 10,400 words in a single day. I came back after my 1pm class and sat from 2pm to nearly 1am writing. I got up maybe twice, once to eat and another for the restroom. It came out to about 1,000 words an hour. I normally write 1-2k in 3-4 hours, so this was huge. It was emotional for me write so much in a single go. I tend to feel characters' emotions when writing or even reading and there was a lot of bad stuff going on in the part I wrote. Check out my NaNoWriMo profile.
I taught my first actual lesson before a real 9th grade physical science class. I did better than I thought but I need to slow down and work on my classroom management skills. That's okay because I'm taking it in the spring (WIN!).
There was a Pre-Thanksgiving dinner the Sunday before Thanksgiving. It was a rather stressful evening but the food was amazing. I decided it was a good taste of what actual Thanksgivings are like for people.
Tuesday our parents came up and visited us. They made it early enough to visit Christ Church's Tuesday night meetings. They understand now why I am willing to drive 20 minutes out of town to church. It's that good of a family.
Wednesday my brother, our parents and I saw Blind Side, a movie about an African-American young man who gets taken in by an affluent white family and becomes a good football player. After the movie, we went to our usual Japanese Hibachi grill and sushi bar. It was nice to be with the family again. I had another dinner with Katie's family (her mom, her aunt and long time boyfriend) my brother and our parents were there, too. It was a nice afternoon, eating and watching TV, relaxing. My parents went back home Friday and I was alone for a few days. It was then I started again on the writing for NaNoWriMo.
Did I mention I dropped University Physics I? Yeah, I'm retaking it in the spring. I'm also failing organic chemistry II but it doesn't bother me for some reason. Being a senior has its perks when it comes to signing up for classes. We get to sign up first. After talking with my adviser I signed up for: University Physics I, Organic Chemistry II (with Tarkka, I loved his class the first time I took organic I, he's entertaining but also a good teacher :P), Organic Spectroscopy, and Classroom Management with Mr. Ward (I loved his Learning and Development class in the spring).
You'd think that I should be bothered by repeating two classes from this semester in the spring but I'm fine. I've noticed that I was not motivated to study at all for organic; strange, right? I came to the realization that it's okay because I'll be exactly where I need to be. God has really been working in my life these past several months and I came to realization only in the past couple of days.
I am so glad Caitlin has started coming to Christ Church with us, her change and growth over the past couple of weeks is amazing and I thank God for that. I've seen God at work all semester and it just blows me away to think of what happened. I've learned to trust in Him so much more now. I'm also talking with him very regularly. I pray and talk to Him throughout the day and it has been a blessing. Christ Church has been a huge part of my life and I love my brothers and sisters so much, it's impossible to contain.
Thursday we had our last Christ Church Conway of the semester. We read through Ephesians in one go and talked about the letter. It was very encouraging. A few of us hung out for a few hours and then we all went to IHOP at midnight to celebrate the end of the semester with an extended group of friends. It was a blast. Except for the terrifying feeling that I later determined was caused by food. Neurological reactions to food are bad. I was freaking out and feeling really uncomfortable. It happened again last night. The irrational fear could not be rationalized away and clearly the food was causing extreme anxiety. If it happens again tonight, I'll know what it is and deal accordingly.
My dear friends; brothers and sisters, I love you and wish all the best for you. Oh wait, our dearest Grace will be leaving for a semester abroad in France. We love you and will miss you sorely. Go forth and be awesome in France. We'll hold together just fine, sister. Remember, God's got your back (and mine and ours :D) and if you just talk to Him, you'll know. Love, hope, grace, and peace to you until we meet again.
-M.B.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Happiness
Last night Grace had a spa party. A Mrs. Sebrena Coleman and walked us through some lovely treatments. It was wonderful to spend a night with friends, having some girl time together. It really was a relaxing experience. This morning I woke up to sunshine and I just thanked God for it. I feel so relaxed and at peace with a calm energy. I can't remember the last time I felt like this.
What is interesting, though, is what woke me up. I was must have been dreaming but as soon as I was conscious there was this melody in my head. It was melancholy but promised to be brighter. I instantly knew it was Ka'ne's theme from Ka'ne-Yuri. After nine years of learning about her life and her world, this song revealed itself to me. It's lovely. It would break your heart. Right now, an orchestra is playing. The strings are on the main melody. Low brass gives depth. Woodwinds vary the color. There's more going on, I'll have to listen to it more to find it all. The virtual piano software I have is helping to compose but I need a real piano so I can play more than one note at a time and explore this song more fully.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Halloween festivities with my dear friends tonight. I may post something about it next week.
What is interesting, though, is what woke me up. I was must have been dreaming but as soon as I was conscious there was this melody in my head. It was melancholy but promised to be brighter. I instantly knew it was Ka'ne's theme from Ka'ne-Yuri. After nine years of learning about her life and her world, this song revealed itself to me. It's lovely. It would break your heart. Right now, an orchestra is playing. The strings are on the main melody. Low brass gives depth. Woodwinds vary the color. There's more going on, I'll have to listen to it more to find it all. The virtual piano software I have is helping to compose but I need a real piano so I can play more than one note at a time and explore this song more fully.
Anyway, I'm looking forward to the Halloween festivities with my dear friends tonight. I may post something about it next week.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
When Satan attacks, or how I regained my sanity (for the moment)
I'm better today than I have been in a while. I've been struggling with procrastination and its consequences on my school life. I know exactly what I need to do, I have for some time. The content is not hard, it just requires work. They say knowing is half the battle, acting on it is a major part of the other half to be sure. I've always had a problem with procrastination. I remember my mom getting on to me about keeping up with the homework I had when I was in elementary school.
I finally realized last night Satan is just trying to bring me down by working on that weakness. Telling me I'm a failure, lazy and hopeless. Reminding me about how if I don't pass, my dad always bring up cost of taking those courses over again. Or when I get just a C my dad basically tells me only the mediocre do so badly. Satan must really not want me to become a teacher if he's getting this desperate.
Nothing other than becoming a teacher makes sense. All this makes me even more determined now, more evidence that this is what God wants me to do. I just have remind myself that my dad (and God) only want what's best for me, for me to do well and my dad do want to be a good steward of your money (not that I make it easy). That God doesn't want me to fail. He gave me this love of science and the passion for teaching.
For those of you that were/are: Thanks for praying. Please continue to pray, specifically that I keep perspective and trust in God.
I finally realized last night Satan is just trying to bring me down by working on that weakness. Telling me I'm a failure, lazy and hopeless. Reminding me about how if I don't pass, my dad always bring up cost of taking those courses over again. Or when I get just a C my dad basically tells me only the mediocre do so badly. Satan must really not want me to become a teacher if he's getting this desperate.
Nothing other than becoming a teacher makes sense. All this makes me even more determined now, more evidence that this is what God wants me to do. I just have remind myself that my dad (and God) only want what's best for me, for me to do well and my dad do want to be a good steward of your money (not that I make it easy). That God doesn't want me to fail. He gave me this love of science and the passion for teaching.
For those of you that were/are: Thanks for praying. Please continue to pray, specifically that I keep perspective and trust in God.
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Drowning in a puddle
There's been a decline in my disposition over the past few days. It could be the turning of the seasons, the return of rain and clouds, almost anything. After so many years suffering from it, I've learned to recognize the symptoms of depression when they emerge. Right now it's mild-moderate yet pervasive. It usually starts with a lack of motivation. I just don't have the strength to go on. Then it sinks into hopelessness and I can feel myself going down.
I feel like I'm drowning in a puddle. I only have to get up but I seem unable to lift myself enough to breathe. Procrastination is something I struggle with every semester and every semester I lose. I'd already reached the point where it doesn't even bother me anymore. Now I just don't care; I actively avoid my studies now. I've resigned myself to complacency and only wish to get away from it all.
I would reach out to my friends but what I need is a taskmaster, someone to light a fire under me and make me do what needs to be done. They are not my parents, they are not my babysitters. I'm an adult, they shouldn't have to take that kind of responsibility. I'm seriously considering dropping out. I wonder if maybe this isn't where God wants me to be but it doesn't make sense.
It's like a physics problem. I'm a Mac truck on a three-mile-high cliff, in physics that would be huge potential. I want to roll forward and take full advantage of it but the friction is too great so I go nowhere.
Help me...
I feel like I'm drowning in a puddle. I only have to get up but I seem unable to lift myself enough to breathe. Procrastination is something I struggle with every semester and every semester I lose. I'd already reached the point where it doesn't even bother me anymore. Now I just don't care; I actively avoid my studies now. I've resigned myself to complacency and only wish to get away from it all.
I would reach out to my friends but what I need is a taskmaster, someone to light a fire under me and make me do what needs to be done. They are not my parents, they are not my babysitters. I'm an adult, they shouldn't have to take that kind of responsibility. I'm seriously considering dropping out. I wonder if maybe this isn't where God wants me to be but it doesn't make sense.
It's like a physics problem. I'm a Mac truck on a three-mile-high cliff, in physics that would be huge potential. I want to roll forward and take full advantage of it but the friction is too great so I go nowhere.
Help me...
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Strings around my heart
There was a Stargate Universe watch party last night. Matt made tres leche cake with vanilla frosting and brownies. The food was to die for. There were a lot of people that showed up, it wouldn't have been anywhere near as fun to watch alone. We had Drew, Grace, Ali and Aaron, Caleb, Max, Matt, Katie and Grant (not the same Katie as my brother's g/f), Trevor, and Ian showed up later. All that nerdiness in one room, it was awesome. We all played some Smash Bros. for the Wii. I failed but it was fun anyway. :D
The show itself wasn't bad. It'll take some time to get used to the new characters. It was kind of funny, I let out a girly squeal when General O'Neill showed up. After the show we hung out for a while and screwed around. Grace was made into a burrito and carried around for a while. Ian and a couple others climbed up to their second floor balcony from the back side of the building. We watched some videos on youtube, including a few "[insert movie name here] in 5 seconds" videos and a Watchmen/Wall-E trailer mash up.
It was a bit strange for me being around Matt again for such an extended period of time after being apart for so many months. It seems I have some attachment to him as more than a friend, perhaps his being a bit more mature (not that I'm a great model of it all the time) had something to do with it. I love him; as my friend, my brother in Christ but I can't let this get to me. There's a reason I broke up with him (actually, a few reasons) and I doubt those will change. When you squirm and feel so uncomfortable that you want to scream and run away when your boyfriend is being affectionate there's a problem.
I don't regret the relationship because I learned from it; but I see what went wrong. Allowing myself to be pressured into it and breaking my rule of "just friends for at least two weeks" (to see if it's more than infatuation) was the just the beginning. We're meant to be friends, maybe even very close friends but not boyfriend and girlfriend. He deserves someone better than me. I'm sure a little more time apart (which should be easy considering our schedules) and I should be all right. I've already convinced myself that I'd have to be extremely sure of how I feel to even think about a second chance. As I've said, these feelings will pass and all will be normal (relatively).
Wow, it's getting late. I'm looking forward to church tomorrow morning, a possible lunch, and costume shopping if all goes according to plan. For now, a shower will be just the thing to end my week.
The show itself wasn't bad. It'll take some time to get used to the new characters. It was kind of funny, I let out a girly squeal when General O'Neill showed up. After the show we hung out for a while and screwed around. Grace was made into a burrito and carried around for a while. Ian and a couple others climbed up to their second floor balcony from the back side of the building. We watched some videos on youtube, including a few "[insert movie name here] in 5 seconds" videos and a Watchmen/Wall-E trailer mash up.
It was a bit strange for me being around Matt again for such an extended period of time after being apart for so many months. It seems I have some attachment to him as more than a friend, perhaps his being a bit more mature (not that I'm a great model of it all the time) had something to do with it. I love him; as my friend, my brother in Christ but I can't let this get to me. There's a reason I broke up with him (actually, a few reasons) and I doubt those will change. When you squirm and feel so uncomfortable that you want to scream and run away when your boyfriend is being affectionate there's a problem.
I don't regret the relationship because I learned from it; but I see what went wrong. Allowing myself to be pressured into it and breaking my rule of "just friends for at least two weeks" (to see if it's more than infatuation) was the just the beginning. We're meant to be friends, maybe even very close friends but not boyfriend and girlfriend. He deserves someone better than me. I'm sure a little more time apart (which should be easy considering our schedules) and I should be all right. I've already convinced myself that I'd have to be extremely sure of how I feel to even think about a second chance. As I've said, these feelings will pass and all will be normal (relatively).
Wow, it's getting late. I'm looking forward to church tomorrow morning, a possible lunch, and costume shopping if all goes according to plan. For now, a shower will be just the thing to end my week.
Friday, October 2, 2009
Yesterday...
Yesterday...
I turned in my hours for the first pay period of my job as a teaching assistant. I learned that that my three month old laptop that was in a coma will need to be wiped clean and everything re-installed and that it can be temporarily resurrected so I can back up the files on it before it's wiped clean.
Last night...
I learned a whole new way to look at marriage and relationships. I played in the rain, with swords. I ate a late meal with friends and didn't get back to my room until after midnight.
Today...
I took a test in physics. Played with M&Ms and learned about aromatic compounds. I hope to go look at costumes and get my phone back. I'll join a nerdy party and watch the premiere of Stargate Universe.
I turned in my hours for the first pay period of my job as a teaching assistant. I learned that that my three month old laptop that was in a coma will need to be wiped clean and everything re-installed and that it can be temporarily resurrected so I can back up the files on it before it's wiped clean.
Last night...
I learned a whole new way to look at marriage and relationships. I played in the rain, with swords. I ate a late meal with friends and didn't get back to my room until after midnight.
Today...
I took a test in physics. Played with M&Ms and learned about aromatic compounds. I hope to go look at costumes and get my phone back. I'll join a nerdy party and watch the premiere of Stargate Universe.
Monday, September 28, 2009
I'm In Better Hands Now
Despite the fact that I should be stressing over all that needs to be done, I'm not that worried. I still need to do 2.5 chapters of homework for physics, prepare for labs, catch up on notes, and go where I need to go and make it there on time. But I'm not stressing. I've really been at peace these past few days. It's as if I've found an island of calm in the storm of my life. It may be that at this point, I'm too tired to stress. Either I do what I need to do or I don't. The results are my fault and no one else. It could be God is providing of course. In his own strange mysterious way.
I've finally canceled my World of Warcraft subscription. I told guild/friends about that fact. They make exceptions for military members about kicking them out after 2 weeks of no activity. I'll probably buy some game time for winter break. I've been in the guild for over a year and an officer in it for much of that time, it counts for something. They're so nice. I miss playing. If I could manage my time better I would not have had to cancel. Oh well. As I've said, consequences are the results of actions I take full responsibility for. I may not like it but, "It's my own damn fault." (Pardon the language but you have to agree).
I've been trying to work out something (very quickly) about spring room- and suite-mate arrangements. My friends Grace and Ali are currently rooming together in the same apartment complex as me. Grace is spending spring semester abroad. I suggested Ali switch with my suite-mates. If nothing else, I'd move in with her so she would avoid a random roommate she doesn't know, or worse wouldn't like. Everyone except Grace & Ali's suitemates (whose positions I am unsure of yet) is for it. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.
My head is so full yet empty these days. Like flitting birds, thoughts fly around but I cannot grab them. I'm feeling the need to be productive with so much to do but nothing really gets done. If only my newer laptop wasn't in a coma.
My newer laptop that I got back in June was screwed. After downloading and installing an update last week I let it restart. As it was starting up it said something was wrong, so it did some sort of check and fix up thing. It told me it couldn't fix it! It then continues with start up and gets stuck on a regular disk check. It's really frustrating because I took it in to be checked over a month ago but Best Buy is no help. I'm taking it into some place called Wired (Solutions?) where I hear they're really good at helping for a reasonable price.
I'm considering costumes for a Halloween party. Katie suggested a geisha, vampire or witch. When I told some of my other friends, Caleb suggested my doing all three. Max then said that idea was "very Japanese". It was funny, but you kind of had to be there to get how funny it was. What do you think? I'm going to look at costumes when I drop off my laptop to get looked at.
Well, I've spent way too long working on this entry. I'll attempt to do something productive now. Love, grace and peace to you until I write again.
I've finally canceled my World of Warcraft subscription. I told guild/friends about that fact. They make exceptions for military members about kicking them out after 2 weeks of no activity. I'll probably buy some game time for winter break. I've been in the guild for over a year and an officer in it for much of that time, it counts for something. They're so nice. I miss playing. If I could manage my time better I would not have had to cancel. Oh well. As I've said, consequences are the results of actions I take full responsibility for. I may not like it but, "It's my own damn fault." (Pardon the language but you have to agree).
I've been trying to work out something (very quickly) about spring room- and suite-mate arrangements. My friends Grace and Ali are currently rooming together in the same apartment complex as me. Grace is spending spring semester abroad. I suggested Ali switch with my suite-mates. If nothing else, I'd move in with her so she would avoid a random roommate she doesn't know, or worse wouldn't like. Everyone except Grace & Ali's suitemates (whose positions I am unsure of yet) is for it. Keep your fingers crossed that it all works out.
My head is so full yet empty these days. Like flitting birds, thoughts fly around but I cannot grab them. I'm feeling the need to be productive with so much to do but nothing really gets done. If only my newer laptop wasn't in a coma.
My newer laptop that I got back in June was screwed. After downloading and installing an update last week I let it restart. As it was starting up it said something was wrong, so it did some sort of check and fix up thing. It told me it couldn't fix it! It then continues with start up and gets stuck on a regular disk check. It's really frustrating because I took it in to be checked over a month ago but Best Buy is no help. I'm taking it into some place called Wired (Solutions?) where I hear they're really good at helping for a reasonable price.
I'm considering costumes for a Halloween party. Katie suggested a geisha, vampire or witch. When I told some of my other friends, Caleb suggested my doing all three. Max then said that idea was "very Japanese". It was funny, but you kind of had to be there to get how funny it was. What do you think? I'm going to look at costumes when I drop off my laptop to get looked at.
Well, I've spent way too long working on this entry. I'll attempt to do something productive now. Love, grace and peace to you until I write again.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Going, going, going and running on empty.
I haven't been posting much lately because I'm swamped. I now have very little free time, that times should be spent studying. Tuesday through Thursday is officially the busiest part of my week. Tuesday morning I observe two 9th grade physical science classes in a row (8:15am-10:10am) at a high school near campus. I have just enough time to drive back, change into more comfortable clothes, and get to my 10:50 class. Lunch is next followed by a short reprieve. Every couple of weeks, I attend the chemistry club meetings at X-period (1:30-2:30) before Organic 2 laboratory (2:40-5:20).
Wednesday I have to get up early to take some extra time to look nice to observe yet another period of physical science at the end of the day. First I have class from 9-12. I get an hour for lunch then it's off to organic lecture. I have to get back to my car quickly enough to drive to that last hour of observation.
Thursday! Oh man. Today I was on campus for 11 hours straight. As I said before, I'm a teaching assistant for an 8am organic 1 lab. After that, I had a snack. I went to an earlier physics lab to attempt some homework and hope I get some help. I got 1 problem done in three hours. After, I joined a friend who was in that lab for lunch at the cafeteria. I hadn't been there since I got annoyed this summer and gave up eating there. I got some stir fry and it was good. After lunch I had to attend my own physics lab (2:40-5:20). Directly after that, I worked on homework with the physics tutors (they were so patient) for two whole hours (5-7).
Whew! I was lucky my 10:50 class did not meet today. So yeah. I am busy now. Back to doing homework! *sigh*
Wednesday I have to get up early to take some extra time to look nice to observe yet another period of physical science at the end of the day. First I have class from 9-12. I get an hour for lunch then it's off to organic lecture. I have to get back to my car quickly enough to drive to that last hour of observation.
Thursday! Oh man. Today I was on campus for 11 hours straight. As I said before, I'm a teaching assistant for an 8am organic 1 lab. After that, I had a snack. I went to an earlier physics lab to attempt some homework and hope I get some help. I got 1 problem done in three hours. After, I joined a friend who was in that lab for lunch at the cafeteria. I hadn't been there since I got annoyed this summer and gave up eating there. I got some stir fry and it was good. After lunch I had to attend my own physics lab (2:40-5:20). Directly after that, I worked on homework with the physics tutors (they were so patient) for two whole hours (5-7).
Whew! I was lucky my 10:50 class did not meet today. So yeah. I am busy now. Back to doing homework! *sigh*
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Academics
I had signed up to be a TA (i.e. teaching assistant) for one lab a week (specifically an 8 am Organic I lab on Thursdays). I'll get paid minimum wage ($7.25/hr) for almost three hours a week. It's not much but it'll pay for gas and maybe even some groceries; a start at some independence from my parents. The paperwork all went through and the professor has agreed to the hire. My Internship I placement is all settled. I'll be going to a high school within five minutes of campus, visiting Tuesday mornings for a couple hours and Wednesday afternoons for one fifty-minute period. I'll be observing and eventually teach a single lesson before the class. At least it's a ninth-grace physical science class. I also have my field experience for the Cultural Perspectives class in order. I'll be volunteering at a local Boys and Girls Club for an or two each week.
Haha! So I have even less time now for myself but it's all right. I go to school, study, get educational experience, engage in Bible study and occasionally indulge in my hobbies. Since I had a test in University Physics 1 and Organic 2 I have no immediate homework to do. I know tomorrow will have work a-plenty. Until then, I shall enjoy the small respite.
Haha! So I have even less time now for myself but it's all right. I go to school, study, get educational experience, engage in Bible study and occasionally indulge in my hobbies. Since I had a test in University Physics 1 and Organic 2 I have no immediate homework to do. I know tomorrow will have work a-plenty. Until then, I shall enjoy the small respite.
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
Damming the River of Love
Depending on the situation I'm not a very open person. I bottle everything up and try to deal on my own without letting God do His thing to help me with my burdens. I've had Coldplay's "Square One" stuck in my head so far this week. It's a rather melancholy song. When I'm in those moods, that's what I listen to, especially when the lyrics resonate so much with me.
When I was younger, I used to fight showers. I'd avoid them because, for whatever reason, I just didn't want to take one. But when I got in under that hot water and got all cleaned up, you couldn't get me out! It's the same way with opening up to people and letting them know I have a need, even if it's just someone who will listen.
Last night was Grace's surprise birthday party (right before Christ Church meeting). Hearing everyone say what they did about her, while I agreed it was true I felt that's how I want to be known. Someone with wisdom and compassion and so much love. I can't be that person though, not if I trust in my own reason and not seek God's wisdom.
I'm an introvert, it takes a lot for me to open up. After church we broke into our small groups for discussion and prayer as needed. I sat there for a while and realized I couldn't really talk to anyone in there. I went outside and stared at the moon and the stars, trying not cry. I thought of Coldplay's "Yellow" and how after reading 1 John, it takes on a whole new meaning. I sat down at the curb of the front walkway and sang to myself FFH's "Power in His Blood" in an attempt to comfort myself.
It wasn't really helping. Ian was outside and he must have finished his phone conversation because he sat down next to me. Part of the reason I hate opening up is the crying part. After holding it in for so long, I start to cry. It all comes out. How I feel such a disconnect, my difficulty in expressing my needs; how seeing Alex this week reminded me of everything wrong in my life at the time, my depression and obsession and wanting to be free of it; my struggle with dealing with Max's decision not to be more than friends (disappointment, wondering his reasons why, rationalizing that it doesn't matter, he had his reasons and accepting that). Ian told me what I needed to hear; that how no matter what was going on in my life, no matter who I wanted, to depend on Jesus as the only one who could fulfill my needs. I wasn't really surprised to learn he had dealt with similar struggles and was rather introverted as well. I'm not really sure what I expected of him, but it makes sense.
During my talk with Ian, I mentioned Ka'ne (haha) and how she was my strength, my inspiration. Before she was my strength and my comfort but now I see her as....this illustration is best: Where and when Christ leads, she urges me to follow. As any well-made character, she is not perfect. Far from it. She has her good qualities to be sure but she wouldn't want to be role model. She's made mistakes in her life and had to live with them. Imperfect as she is, she urges me to follow His perfection and wisdom.
On the way back to school, I continued to ruminate over what had been said. All my holding in was like dam in my river of love. It would never run dry but this dam had slowed its flow to a trickle. I realized that I regularly needed face-to-face and heart-to-heart talks about what was going on in my life to keep that river clear and flowing full force. It hurts at first. It's hard to get started, just like getting in that shower and allowing yourself to be washed by the water. But when it's over, I feel so clean and light. I must remind myself of it so that I may gladly do it again.
...You just want somebody listening to what you say...
Is there anybody out there who
Is lost and hurt and lonely too?
Are they bleeding all your colours into one?
And then you come undone
As if you've been run through
Some catapult had fired you
You wonder if your chance'll ever come
Or if you're stuck in square one
When I was younger, I used to fight showers. I'd avoid them because, for whatever reason, I just didn't want to take one. But when I got in under that hot water and got all cleaned up, you couldn't get me out! It's the same way with opening up to people and letting them know I have a need, even if it's just someone who will listen.
Last night was Grace's surprise birthday party (right before Christ Church meeting). Hearing everyone say what they did about her, while I agreed it was true I felt that's how I want to be known. Someone with wisdom and compassion and so much love. I can't be that person though, not if I trust in my own reason and not seek God's wisdom.
I'm an introvert, it takes a lot for me to open up. After church we broke into our small groups for discussion and prayer as needed. I sat there for a while and realized I couldn't really talk to anyone in there. I went outside and stared at the moon and the stars, trying not cry. I thought of Coldplay's "Yellow" and how after reading 1 John, it takes on a whole new meaning. I sat down at the curb of the front walkway and sang to myself FFH's "Power in His Blood" in an attempt to comfort myself.
There's power in his blood
Forgiveness in His hands
A peace in His love that we can't understand
There's joy in His spirit
There's power in his blood
Forgiveness in His hands
A peace in His love that we can't understand
There's joy in His spirit
Sufficient and full there's power in His blood
His love is all we need
There's joy in the spirit of the Lord
It wasn't really helping. Ian was outside and he must have finished his phone conversation because he sat down next to me. Part of the reason I hate opening up is the crying part. After holding it in for so long, I start to cry. It all comes out. How I feel such a disconnect, my difficulty in expressing my needs; how seeing Alex this week reminded me of everything wrong in my life at the time, my depression and obsession and wanting to be free of it; my struggle with dealing with Max's decision not to be more than friends (disappointment, wondering his reasons why, rationalizing that it doesn't matter, he had his reasons and accepting that). Ian told me what I needed to hear; that how no matter what was going on in my life, no matter who I wanted, to depend on Jesus as the only one who could fulfill my needs. I wasn't really surprised to learn he had dealt with similar struggles and was rather introverted as well. I'm not really sure what I expected of him, but it makes sense.
During my talk with Ian, I mentioned Ka'ne (haha) and how she was my strength, my inspiration. Before she was my strength and my comfort but now I see her as....this illustration is best: Where and when Christ leads, she urges me to follow. As any well-made character, she is not perfect. Far from it. She has her good qualities to be sure but she wouldn't want to be role model. She's made mistakes in her life and had to live with them. Imperfect as she is, she urges me to follow His perfection and wisdom.
On the way back to school, I continued to ruminate over what had been said. All my holding in was like dam in my river of love. It would never run dry but this dam had slowed its flow to a trickle. I realized that I regularly needed face-to-face and heart-to-heart talks about what was going on in my life to keep that river clear and flowing full force. It hurts at first. It's hard to get started, just like getting in that shower and allowing yourself to be washed by the water. But when it's over, I feel so clean and light. I must remind myself of it so that I may gladly do it again.
Friday, August 28, 2009
When you work it out
I've had God Put a Smile Upon Your Face by Coldplay stuck in my head for the past week. I'm not really bothered by that anymore. I let it play over and over in my head until it runs its course. It hasn't yet, though. I should mention that when I hear it I think of the Prelude prequel to the main Ka'ne-Yuri story I've been working on for quite a while. I can picture it all, like a montage from start to finish. Condensed properly it'd be an awesome trailer for the movie or nice to way to cover those events at the beginning of the main Ka'ne-Yuri.
The story has so many twists and turns and back-story (not to mention setup) you'd think this was some kind of sci-fi/fantasy soap opera but I assure you it's not so melodramatic. I sometimes wonder that if I ever truly finish this (to my satisfaction) and publish it, would people try to say I was hoping to make the next Lord of the Rings or Star Wars or something? I almost would be insulted at the suggestion. They're great works in their own right but my story is so different from both. I feel my writing has not matured and improved quite well enough to do the story justice. I try my best when I do rewrites but I always fall short, in my opinion. It's grown with me for nine years now and I understand the world and characters so much better then I did when I first created it all. I look back at the plot and the major points of it that I created, underlying themes that emerged and how the characters and world developed in my mind.
At fourteen (with a normal suburban life), I couldn't understand or explain to others why characters acted the way they did. At fourteen I didn't really know despair, the strength of the bond between a Guardian and their charge, the weight of responsibility, what it can drive a person to or allow themselves to do, feeling so trapped and wanting to get away but afraid and unsure how because as terrible as life was for her not knowing anything else (almost). Then we moved. I had the predisposition for it before, I'm sure, but being taken away from everything I loved and knew at sixteen threw me over the edge and into a terrible depression. It's only in the past few months (maybe year or two) I feel I've finally recovered. In the depths of such sorrow and pain I found solace in Ka'ne. I slipped into her world often to hide away from mine. I could transfer my burden to her; see through her eyes, feel what she felt.
You wouldn't think depression is a state that promotes creativity (the evidence seems inconclusive either way) but for me it was a powerful catalyst. In the first semester at the new school I had filled twenty-five pages of scribbles of Kane's story during and between classes and at lunch. I was diagnosed and treated but the treatment left me numb and rather dull. It's strange, getting used to being twenty-three. I see Ka'ne-Yuri with fresh eyes and ever plumb deeper into my characters and their world. Now it is a pleasant escape, a haven away from the hectic and sometimes isolating college life. I think about her on the way to and from classes, when other songs trigger thoughts of situations and characters, when I'm scared or lonely.
Ka'ne is not just some fictional character, she is part of me more intimate than any external relationship can be (or internal with myself for that matter). She is my mother, my daughter, my sister, my head, my heart, my soul, my joy, my heartbreak, my comfort, my strength. She is that great and powerful part of me that I draw from, a slightly dissociated version of myself but yet so different from me you wouldn't recognize at times.
and maybe that's why i'm not really sure i could ever finish the story...because giving her up to the world would be baring the deepest parts of me.
The story has so many twists and turns and back-story (not to mention setup) you'd think this was some kind of sci-fi/fantasy soap opera but I assure you it's not so melodramatic. I sometimes wonder that if I ever truly finish this (to my satisfaction) and publish it, would people try to say I was hoping to make the next Lord of the Rings or Star Wars or something? I almost would be insulted at the suggestion. They're great works in their own right but my story is so different from both. I feel my writing has not matured and improved quite well enough to do the story justice. I try my best when I do rewrites but I always fall short, in my opinion. It's grown with me for nine years now and I understand the world and characters so much better then I did when I first created it all. I look back at the plot and the major points of it that I created, underlying themes that emerged and how the characters and world developed in my mind.
At fourteen (with a normal suburban life), I couldn't understand or explain to others why characters acted the way they did. At fourteen I didn't really know despair, the strength of the bond between a Guardian and their charge, the weight of responsibility, what it can drive a person to or allow themselves to do, feeling so trapped and wanting to get away but afraid and unsure how because as terrible as life was for her not knowing anything else (almost). Then we moved. I had the predisposition for it before, I'm sure, but being taken away from everything I loved and knew at sixteen threw me over the edge and into a terrible depression. It's only in the past few months (maybe year or two) I feel I've finally recovered. In the depths of such sorrow and pain I found solace in Ka'ne. I slipped into her world often to hide away from mine. I could transfer my burden to her; see through her eyes, feel what she felt.
You wouldn't think depression is a state that promotes creativity (the evidence seems inconclusive either way) but for me it was a powerful catalyst. In the first semester at the new school I had filled twenty-five pages of scribbles of Kane's story during and between classes and at lunch. I was diagnosed and treated but the treatment left me numb and rather dull. It's strange, getting used to being twenty-three. I see Ka'ne-Yuri with fresh eyes and ever plumb deeper into my characters and their world. Now it is a pleasant escape, a haven away from the hectic and sometimes isolating college life. I think about her on the way to and from classes, when other songs trigger thoughts of situations and characters, when I'm scared or lonely.
Ka'ne is not just some fictional character, she is part of me more intimate than any external relationship can be (or internal with myself for that matter). She is my mother, my daughter, my sister, my head, my heart, my soul, my joy, my heartbreak, my comfort, my strength. She is that great and powerful part of me that I draw from, a slightly dissociated version of myself but yet so different from me you wouldn't recognize at times.
and maybe that's why i'm not really sure i could ever finish the story...because giving her up to the world would be baring the deepest parts of me.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Senses and Sensibilities
I am now acquainted with all my classes and teachers. I'm taking Cultural Perspectives: Family, School, and Community Partnerships (3 hours), University Physics I (calculus based, 4 hours), Secondary Science Methods and Material (4 hours), and Organic Chemistry II (4 hours). Fifteen hours is a fairly standard course load for college but these all require heavy time commitments for study. I'm convinced that I should cancel my World of Warcraft subscription as it would only be a major distraction. Internship I is only 1 credit hour, it's a co requisite for my Methods and Materials class. I have to go off campus and observe a classroom so many hours a week. I may also have to participate in the teaching. *eep!*
Cultural Perspectives I expect it to be the usual education class, perhaps a little more work but not excessively so. The teacher is a bit strange but sincere and clearly knows what he's doing. I'm required to have ten hours of "field experience" with a student (high school age in my case) of a different race, ethnic background, religion, or socioeconomic status (perhaps even gender?). I have to write about it as well.
Physics is clearly going to be time consuming if I want to pass, much less get a decent grade. No other teacher or professor has ever managed to make me hate them and their class so much in one session. Lab was a headache and he asked us to use the Macs there to make a chart and graph the results. We all were PC people. We wasted over ten minutes trying to find the spreadsheet program, input the data and figure out how to make a chart. I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just get my chemistry degree and finish up my educational classes, just forgetting about being qualified to teach anything else. Then I remember, it's probably better if I do it all...
Methods and Materials will be the most challenging class, I'm sure. I have to come up with a mini-unit (with three lessons) as well as an interactive lab, write a paper on the Nature of Science and teach a lesson before a real class. It's exciting and scary all at once. Most people don't realize (or appreciate) how complex teaching really is. There's more to it than teaching in the classroom. Preparation, talking to parents, grading papers, cooperating with fellow teachers, keeping up with accreditation (professional development)...for many teachers they may work 45-60 hours a week (including classroom time). True, I get same vacations as my students but chances are that time may be taken up with jobs to supplement income or in training/professional development.
Finally, organic chemistry will be both a blast and headache (perhaps caused by the blast). I have the same professor as I did in organic 1 I took this spring. I'm sure it will be more challenging the organic 1, she equates chemistry with language (an apt description in my opinion). In organic 1, we learned words (functional groups and basic reactions). In the second course we learn sentences (a lot of mechanisms--how a reaction goes and how fast--and many more types of reactions).
So, no free time. Or is there? I am certain I will find it, hidden between project and homework or somewhere.
Cultural Perspectives I expect it to be the usual education class, perhaps a little more work but not excessively so. The teacher is a bit strange but sincere and clearly knows what he's doing. I'm required to have ten hours of "field experience" with a student (high school age in my case) of a different race, ethnic background, religion, or socioeconomic status (perhaps even gender?). I have to write about it as well.
Physics is clearly going to be time consuming if I want to pass, much less get a decent grade. No other teacher or professor has ever managed to make me hate them and their class so much in one session. Lab was a headache and he asked us to use the Macs there to make a chart and graph the results. We all were PC people. We wasted over ten minutes trying to find the spreadsheet program, input the data and figure out how to make a chart. I'm beginning to wonder if I shouldn't just get my chemistry degree and finish up my educational classes, just forgetting about being qualified to teach anything else. Then I remember, it's probably better if I do it all...
Methods and Materials will be the most challenging class, I'm sure. I have to come up with a mini-unit (with three lessons) as well as an interactive lab, write a paper on the Nature of Science and teach a lesson before a real class. It's exciting and scary all at once. Most people don't realize (or appreciate) how complex teaching really is. There's more to it than teaching in the classroom. Preparation, talking to parents, grading papers, cooperating with fellow teachers, keeping up with accreditation (professional development)...for many teachers they may work 45-60 hours a week (including classroom time). True, I get same vacations as my students but chances are that time may be taken up with jobs to supplement income or in training/professional development.
Finally, organic chemistry will be both a blast and headache (perhaps caused by the blast). I have the same professor as I did in organic 1 I took this spring. I'm sure it will be more challenging the organic 1, she equates chemistry with language (an apt description in my opinion). In organic 1, we learned words (functional groups and basic reactions). In the second course we learn sentences (a lot of mechanisms--how a reaction goes and how fast--and many more types of reactions).
So, no free time. Or is there? I am certain I will find it, hidden between project and homework or somewhere.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Shopping and Sake-tinis
So today was my brother's last day here at home. Tomorrow he heads back to his girlfriend and school. We decided to actually go out today and do something (other than watching TV and playing WoW). We head into a town a little north of here and go shopping. We walk down the main street (which is home to more gift shops and antique stores than you would think is necessary in so few blocks). At the first one we found a couple gifts for his girlfriend's mother. For his girlfriend he got a shirt (as she had requested). We then went to a shopping center a few miles from our house. We wandered around a bit, checking the stores for my sandals or his shorts. We found neither but he did find a shirt (25 dollars off) to play tennis in. The stores everywhere were packed. Back to school sales or something.
After we had lunch at Red Robin (we stuffed ourselves so that we didn't even want to think about dessert). We headed home for a couple hours before we all went to the theater to see Funny People. I'll try not to ruin everything but it's pretty dark and not exactly what I would consider a comedy even though it's about comedians (had it's jokes).
Dinner was surely the highlight of the day. Aside from our family there was a couple and a mother/daughter pair having a mother/daughter day. They all had plenty to drink (Sake-tinis I beleive they were called). The mother kept hitting on our chef (she had the most to drink). We all had fun watching the show (but our family had seen it all before since we prefer to eat at hibachi restaurants). It was fun seeing the mother try to catch shrimp in her mouth (the chef flung a few). She offered him some of her Sake-tini a few times.
So now we're watching the first Men in Black movie. Still entertaining. :P
After we had lunch at Red Robin (we stuffed ourselves so that we didn't even want to think about dessert). We headed home for a couple hours before we all went to the theater to see Funny People. I'll try not to ruin everything but it's pretty dark and not exactly what I would consider a comedy even though it's about comedians (had it's jokes).
Dinner was surely the highlight of the day. Aside from our family there was a couple and a mother/daughter pair having a mother/daughter day. They all had plenty to drink (Sake-tinis I beleive they were called). The mother kept hitting on our chef (she had the most to drink). We all had fun watching the show (but our family had seen it all before since we prefer to eat at hibachi restaurants). It was fun seeing the mother try to catch shrimp in her mouth (the chef flung a few). She offered him some of her Sake-tini a few times.
So now we're watching the first Men in Black movie. Still entertaining. :P
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Where cold winds blow
Summoned there by the warlock known as Astral, Keyaru first saw Dalaran in all it's magic splendor. She cheerfully gave him a hug and a kiss. Just before she ran off, he offered to show her the portals. She insisted she knew where everything was and found her way to what she desired. She had worked long and hard to earn the right to be called a Grand Master of Leatherworking and Skinning and the trainers easily accorded her the honor (for a small fee of course).nbsp; She then wandered the city. The city air was heavy with the sweet and rich scents of magic. She was grateful for the arctic mountain breezes that puffed through. She visited the flight master so that she may fly there again from any other place in Northrend before finding the Silver Enclave. She nearly got lost finding A Hero's Welcome, the inn, to speak to the inn keeper about making it her home.
After, she took a portal to the dwarven capitol of Ironforge. There, she bought a gryphon ride to the Wetlands. She wanted to arrive at the Howling Fjord properly. She made her way through the stagnant, soupy air to the docks and boarded the boat. She was glad when it left the bay, she always hated swamps and marshes. Once they were closer to Northrend, she climbed up to the bow and stood on the railing as the boat glided through the mist. She tried to adjust her stance but fell into the frigid waters instead. The boat paddled on ahead while she was left to swim.
Her indignation at her clumsiness soon gave way to determination. She insisted to herself that she was enjoying a refreshing swim in northern waters. She was amused to see a burning boat suspended with chains between the cliffs. These, though, could not sustain her. Valgarde was still some distance and her leather armor did not like the cold water. She summoned what strength she could and jumped out of the water and sprinted for a considerable distance.nbsp; When she lost her speed she had finally made it to Daggercap Bay. She swam the short distance, now quite exhausted and moving slowly. She dragged herself ashore on the dark frozen soil beside the docks. The settlement was not small but certainly no city either. Utgarde towered to the north. She had heard stories of it and been invited more than once to join a party of adventurers to explore but had been too busy to do so. She was sore, wet, cold and tired. She would rest soon enough but first some matters to attend to.
She spoke with a dwarf on the docks who impressed upon her the importance of keeping the settlement safe and asked that she speak to a Vice Admiral Keller. Keller agreed that her help was needed and gave her a task. She promised she would help fight the invading Vrykul and worgs the next day. She spoke with gryphon master of the area, noted with curiosity the turkeys strutting about, and finally bought a room for the night at the inn. Tomorrow she would face this cold new world and brave what dangers she found.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Calcluelss
We had the last class meeting for calculus today. Next week: three days of review followed by the final. I feel good about it. Next Friday I move into my apartment and Saturday (maybe Sunday) I head home for a couple weeks. It is at that point I shall buy Wrath of the Lich King and power-quest to level eighty. Then I shall return to the real world and immerse myself in the wonder that is old school personal interaction. You know, like before computers and cell phones and facebook.
Time flies by, doesn't it? Three weeks from Saturday I'll be twenty-three! I am looking forward the fall semester already when I can see my friends and take more than one class. It'll be awesome. Tonight I'm heading to a much bigger city than this humble college town with previously mentioned friends and in the morning I'll be visiting Katie for a girly weekend (to be sure).
Speaking of girly weekends, this last one was interesting. Katie convinced me to sit through her painting my nails. A shiny, almost golden sheer polish is on my fingers and my toes sport a deep red with the same golden one on top (for sparkly-ness,haha!). She dyed my hair a bit lighter (which also tones down the fairly blond highlights I got early June). I also got started on Final Fantasy IX (9), at her insistence.
So, hmm...Fun summer! I will try to post after I get back home and let you know of Keyaru's adventures in unforgiving snows of Northrend.
Time flies by, doesn't it? Three weeks from Saturday I'll be twenty-three! I am looking forward the fall semester already when I can see my friends and take more than one class. It'll be awesome. Tonight I'm heading to a much bigger city than this humble college town with previously mentioned friends and in the morning I'll be visiting Katie for a girly weekend (to be sure).
Speaking of girly weekends, this last one was interesting. Katie convinced me to sit through her painting my nails. A shiny, almost golden sheer polish is on my fingers and my toes sport a deep red with the same golden one on top (for sparkly-ness,haha!). She dyed my hair a bit lighter (which also tones down the fairly blond highlights I got early June). I also got started on Final Fantasy IX (9), at her insistence.
So, hmm...Fun summer! I will try to post after I get back home and let you know of Keyaru's adventures in unforgiving snows of Northrend.
Monday, July 6, 2009
Stars in the distance
So the highlight of my day is full of leavings. Derek sent me a message today saying we weren't right for each other. I kind of saw this coming. I'd mentioned to someone that I didn't really see it going anywhere. For some reason, I have the song Quicksand by Natalie Walker stuck in my head. I keep thinking I should be all heartbroken and sad but I'm not. These feelings are like a star in the distance. I can see them but they are so far away, the only evidence is a single point of light in my vast sky. I honestly felt much worse when Max said he didn't think it would work out and those feelings were not unbearable. C'est ma vie. Forget sparkly vampires and celebrity crushes, my unrealistic standard for men is Ryumaru (shy, adoring, patient and understanding) and he's not that unrealistic. Someday I will find my Ryumaru...
My brother left with our dad back home, too. Six hundred miles away they will be. I won't see my brother for three to four weeks. When he comes back here it will be my turn to go home. I may be spending my birthday with just my parents and maternal grandmother who lives with us. I'm considering going back as soon as my summer class is over and spending only a week or two at home before returning. It would just be long enough to get a new license plate and driver's license. This way I could spend my birthday with my friends and family.
I'm wondering if maybe I'm being too cautious about love. I always say go for it. I went for it, twice, and it didn't work out so no regrets there. I just think I may be holding back, not investing as much as I could and probably should. Sure it makes things easier if it doesn't work out but am I making it more likely to end up this way by investing so little? The irrational girl inside of me wants answers as to why he's saying this but my rational self insists the means do not matter, in the end the result is the same. His reasons are his own and he owes me no explanation. [On a random note, I've just learned I don't really like cherry flavored AirHeads.]
In other news, I aced the calculus test last Monday. I'm so happy. I just have to keep working and I can make it out with a B. I'm tired if being lazy and not studying which results in C's or D's and a repeat of the class (I don't think I've ever had an F though). I don't understand why I fight it so. I may seem nice and at times I may be too forgiving and giving but I am a willful person and I tend to do what I want. This passive aggressiveness led teachers back in grace school to believe I had ADD but I was just not interested. My dad insists if I really do have OCD it's "selective". Truth is, I'm a bit absent-minded but not ADD and my OCD is likely an overcompensation for it.
I am so ambiguous.
I am quiet if I'm not loud. Sweet and yielding if not headstrong and tactless. I am easily distracted when not intensely focused. I will eat with great control (parfait of granola, fruit and yogurt) only to easily down the entire meal at a hibachi restaurant (in my defense it's really good, fresh food). I show great maturity and wisdom yet later do not take my own advice. I am melancholy and almost equally sanguine. I am hard to predict at times, you don't know which side of me you'll get. I wonder if perhaps this all is my human nature warring with the spiritual...
My brother left with our dad back home, too. Six hundred miles away they will be. I won't see my brother for three to four weeks. When he comes back here it will be my turn to go home. I may be spending my birthday with just my parents and maternal grandmother who lives with us. I'm considering going back as soon as my summer class is over and spending only a week or two at home before returning. It would just be long enough to get a new license plate and driver's license. This way I could spend my birthday with my friends and family.
I'm wondering if maybe I'm being too cautious about love. I always say go for it. I went for it, twice, and it didn't work out so no regrets there. I just think I may be holding back, not investing as much as I could and probably should. Sure it makes things easier if it doesn't work out but am I making it more likely to end up this way by investing so little? The irrational girl inside of me wants answers as to why he's saying this but my rational self insists the means do not matter, in the end the result is the same. His reasons are his own and he owes me no explanation. [On a random note, I've just learned I don't really like cherry flavored AirHeads.]
In other news, I aced the calculus test last Monday. I'm so happy. I just have to keep working and I can make it out with a B. I'm tired if being lazy and not studying which results in C's or D's and a repeat of the class (I don't think I've ever had an F though). I don't understand why I fight it so. I may seem nice and at times I may be too forgiving and giving but I am a willful person and I tend to do what I want. This passive aggressiveness led teachers back in grace school to believe I had ADD but I was just not interested. My dad insists if I really do have OCD it's "selective". Truth is, I'm a bit absent-minded but not ADD and my OCD is likely an overcompensation for it.
I am so ambiguous.
I am quiet if I'm not loud. Sweet and yielding if not headstrong and tactless. I am easily distracted when not intensely focused. I will eat with great control (parfait of granola, fruit and yogurt) only to easily down the entire meal at a hibachi restaurant (in my defense it's really good, fresh food). I show great maturity and wisdom yet later do not take my own advice. I am melancholy and almost equally sanguine. I am hard to predict at times, you don't know which side of me you'll get. I wonder if perhaps this all is my human nature warring with the spiritual...
Monday, June 22, 2009
And summer wears on...
Taking Calculus II for an hour and a half every day for over two weeks has me burnt out. We have our second test on Thursday or Friday. It'll cover infinite series, bleh! After that though, it's parametric equations and whatever else they do for this semester. I won't be able to take Cal 3 until the spring. My fall schedule includes two major sciences classes and two education classes (which will require "field experiences") all adding up to about 16 hours. I won't have time to work and I may have to cancel my subscription to World of Warcraft.
Speaking of which, I've made a few new characters. I made the colossally stupid decision to delete my level 26 druid and remake her as a priest. I deleted her again and made her as a druid again but it'll take a while to get her back up there and on to 70. I created a Draenei priest and made her similar to one of the characters from Ka'ne-Yuri, my story. The third one was at the request of my brother, who made a character on a PvP server. I first created a warlock but at level 5 decided a paladin was a much better choice. PvP servers are unique in that not only can you be killed by enemy creatures but also players of the opposing faction, which in this case would be any Alliance players. When I get the latest expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, I plan to make a Death Knight of a certain race (character would be from Keyaru's past, remind some time to tell you about it). I'm waiting until I finish Calculus to get it though, WoW is a big enough distraction as it is. I can wait on the new content another month or so.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the Midsummer Fire Festival world event in WoW. Keyaru, my "main" rogue took a world tour to complete the The Fires of Azeroth and Desecration of the Horde achievements as well as Ice the Frost Lord and Burning Hot Pole Dance. Saturday she attempted an assault on Blackrock Depths but miserably failed due to having only a hunter with her of the same level. It is undoubtedly the largest instance/dungeon I've ever visited. It's easy to get lost in the labyrinthine tunnels and halls which were crawling with enemies.
Speaking of which, I've made a few new characters. I made the colossally stupid decision to delete my level 26 druid and remake her as a priest. I deleted her again and made her as a druid again but it'll take a while to get her back up there and on to 70. I created a Draenei priest and made her similar to one of the characters from Ka'ne-Yuri, my story. The third one was at the request of my brother, who made a character on a PvP server. I first created a warlock but at level 5 decided a paladin was a much better choice. PvP servers are unique in that not only can you be killed by enemy creatures but also players of the opposing faction, which in this case would be any Alliance players. When I get the latest expansion, Wrath of the Lich King, I plan to make a Death Knight of a certain race (character would be from Keyaru's past, remind some time to tell you about it). I'm waiting until I finish Calculus to get it though, WoW is a big enough distraction as it is. I can wait on the new content another month or so.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the Midsummer Fire Festival world event in WoW. Keyaru, my "main" rogue took a world tour to complete the The Fires of Azeroth and Desecration of the Horde achievements as well as Ice the Frost Lord and Burning Hot Pole Dance. Saturday she attempted an assault on Blackrock Depths but miserably failed due to having only a hunter with her of the same level. It is undoubtedly the largest instance/dungeon I've ever visited. It's easy to get lost in the labyrinthine tunnels and halls which were crawling with enemies.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
School Diaries Jun 7, 2009
So my first week of summer school was interesting. My roommate and I seem to getting along. If it continues like this, then my first experience with having a roommate will not be unpleasant. We'll see, I guess. We're very different. She's more outgoing and worldly. I'm fairly sheltered and inexperienced. She has some mild guy stuff going on. I'm kind of interested to see how it works out. Hopefully for the best.
Yet, I still have some things to complain about (but no my roommate) here on campus. First, the cafeteria: it sucks. It's not exactly a five-star dining experience during the regular school year but this last week was a new low. Breakfast is only the comfort line and the biscuits with gravy station. They don't keep cereal and there's no muffins or pastries. They severely cut back on their hours, making it very inconvenient to actually use up my meals for the month.
Boys State was held on campus. I thought it was a band thing but apparently it's an experience in government or something. It was entertaining to have all those high school juniors on campus. Without the kids campus would have felt so empty. Also, it was nice to think that I had their attention, if only in passing. lol. It's only natural for them to look at college girls, right?
Saturday I went back to the town where my family used to live here in Arkansas (my brother's girlfriend is here too). She got me an appointment at the salon she works at. It took about two hours but my hair got trimmed and now sports high-lights and low-lights. I wasn't two minutes back on the highway when my tire blew out. I didn't here it go but I did hear the flat rolling against the asphalt at sixty miles an hour. Believe me, it's not a sound you want to hear. I got off the highway and was able to pull into a tiny used car lot. The owner was getting some business so it took him about half an hour before he could help me. My tire was shredded. I was able to drive back to school on the spare. Most of the way is 70mph zone but I went sixty with my emergency lights on so people wouldn't get too annoyed with me going to slow. I called my dad, apparently the tires are about ten years old so they need replacing. I'm going to call the dealer tomorrow to order new tires. The car is over twenty years old so it might be difficult to get tires for it from other sources. Hopefully I'll get them on the car by Friday. This coming Saturday, I'm heading up to see Derek for the day. I might say hi to my brother since he has a test and I wouldn't want to bother him (too much).
I'm looking forward to my class this week. I think should I should stop wasting time though and do some homework. ^^;
Yet, I still have some things to complain about (but no my roommate) here on campus. First, the cafeteria: it sucks. It's not exactly a five-star dining experience during the regular school year but this last week was a new low. Breakfast is only the comfort line and the biscuits with gravy station. They don't keep cereal and there's no muffins or pastries. They severely cut back on their hours, making it very inconvenient to actually use up my meals for the month.
Boys State was held on campus. I thought it was a band thing but apparently it's an experience in government or something. It was entertaining to have all those high school juniors on campus. Without the kids campus would have felt so empty. Also, it was nice to think that I had their attention, if only in passing. lol. It's only natural for them to look at college girls, right?
Saturday I went back to the town where my family used to live here in Arkansas (my brother's girlfriend is here too). She got me an appointment at the salon she works at. It took about two hours but my hair got trimmed and now sports high-lights and low-lights. I wasn't two minutes back on the highway when my tire blew out. I didn't here it go but I did hear the flat rolling against the asphalt at sixty miles an hour. Believe me, it's not a sound you want to hear. I got off the highway and was able to pull into a tiny used car lot. The owner was getting some business so it took him about half an hour before he could help me. My tire was shredded. I was able to drive back to school on the spare. Most of the way is 70mph zone but I went sixty with my emergency lights on so people wouldn't get too annoyed with me going to slow. I called my dad, apparently the tires are about ten years old so they need replacing. I'm going to call the dealer tomorrow to order new tires. The car is over twenty years old so it might be difficult to get tires for it from other sources. Hopefully I'll get them on the car by Friday. This coming Saturday, I'm heading up to see Derek for the day. I might say hi to my brother since he has a test and I wouldn't want to bother him (too much).
I'm looking forward to my class this week. I think should I should stop wasting time though and do some homework. ^^;
Thursday, June 4, 2009
Things I'll do if I ever become an Evil Overlord By Alex Kratz
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, This Cannot Be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This," and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
7. When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum — a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way — even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless — my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, This Cannot Be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This," and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
And then summer really began
Whew! So yesterday we drove up from Texas to my brother's apartment near his campus. Ten hours is always a tiring ride (must have been worse for my dad driving it). We picked up my small fridge that we left with him and went to the grand opening Mexican restaurant that was within walking distance of his place. His girlfriend and his roommate joined me and my dad. The food was awesome but the Mariachi band was a little louder than conversation could overcome. Afterward we went back to the apartment and had some desert (brownie, strawberry cake, "cookie" cake made with yellow butter batter and chocolate chips). I suggested they try the demo for Mirror's Edge, it took a good 15-20 minutes to download and install (bleh). I'm not so sure they liked it though. Oh well.
This morning I had a couple pastries and a blueberry mini-muffin from the continental breakfast at the hotel we were staying at. I was hoping to see Derek before leaving but my parents decided to leave early when I stated my intention of trying to get in touch with him. It upset me but I kept thinking on the scenic drive down that I could have sent him a message the night before to confirm or cancel any plans for the morning.
My room for summer is small and I'm sharing with another girl. We bunked our beds to make more room. It looks kind of nice now. The bathroom isn't so great though. We share it with another pair of girls on the other side of it. We haven't seen them yet but they left little room for us to put our stuff in there. I managed to fit everything in my closet so it's okay. I can take it in there with me as I need. I just hope I deal well with having a roommate for the first time. Ever. Unless you count my brother from when we were really young. XP
This morning I had a couple pastries and a blueberry mini-muffin from the continental breakfast at the hotel we were staying at. I was hoping to see Derek before leaving but my parents decided to leave early when I stated my intention of trying to get in touch with him. It upset me but I kept thinking on the scenic drive down that I could have sent him a message the night before to confirm or cancel any plans for the morning.
My room for summer is small and I'm sharing with another girl. We bunked our beds to make more room. It looks kind of nice now. The bathroom isn't so great though. We share it with another pair of girls on the other side of it. We haven't seen them yet but they left little room for us to put our stuff in there. I managed to fit everything in my closet so it's okay. I can take it in there with me as I need. I just hope I deal well with having a roommate for the first time. Ever. Unless you count my brother from when we were really young. XP
Monday, May 25, 2009
Warcraft and Movies
Warcraft
So this weekend, I decided to kill some time with Key (Keyaru the one that hit 70) by earning a few "acheivements". Being 70 is awesome when you're questing in a 30-45 zone. I learned that Ambush kills enemies instantly. I love it. There's nothing like beating down enemies that don't stand a chance against you. I also got Key a gun. Actually, I think it's a rifle. Either way, for some reason I kinda feel sexy shooting that thing. It's fun.
Anyway my fellow guild member, Summonpain, asked for a "run" through Zul'Farrak, an instance/dungeon in the desert zone of Tanaris for levels 40-50. Another from our guild, Brinsel was invited to come but he took his time. So as were waiting for Brin to show up, Summon and I duel. I win. A few times. lol. To give him a chance to win against me, I take off all my armor. I mean all. As I was taking it off, Summon freaks out and goes "woah mama". At this point, Key is only in her guild tabard and a shirt (there was underwear too but that's part of the model). It still takes Summon a while to beat me.
It's at this point, a few Horde characters show up. Specifically, a troll hunter and a blood elf paladin. I think there was a Tauren too but I don't remember and it's not important to the story. So the blood elf start flirting with me! Repeatedly. I smack him a few times and even tell him "no" but being on different factions, not so easy to communicate.
He duels his troll buddy and finally I get the chance to duel him. I go into stealth and Ambush him. Naturally, he instantly loses. The troll laughs. The elf cries and Summon says that was kinda harsh.
I duel the elf a few more times and at one point I was just shooting him. It was so funny but to be honest, it's just like Key to be that way. Some little blood elf paladin thinks he's good enough to talk to her? A rogue, Alliance no less, no way! She, as I did, would enjoy shooting him with her rifle as he runs around crying like a little girl because she was being mean. The whole time, the troll is laughing at him. We're all talking but the game makes it to Alliance and Horde can't communicate. So whatever that troll was saying, it had a few apostrophes and strange syllables and therefore, unintelligible.
Finally, Brin shows up and to be nuts, I send the flirt emote on the paladin before running inside the instance. We're not in there two minutes when a new character sends me a "whisper" (private message), saying he was the paladin and told me I was hot, etc. I had to laugh, he makes this compliment on the basis of my in-game character at the time. Turns out to be some high school kid. It's so fun to mess with those guys. I intend to continue doing so for some time. I just have to make to make it clear, I already like someone else. :P
Movies
In other news, I saw two movies with my family this weekend: 17 Again and Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. Both were entertaining and it was nice to get out.
17 Again was all right, though I still hate Zac Effron. Maybe in about 10-15 years if he's proven himself to be good actor not some Disney pretty boy I might respect that but...I just have a problem with pretty boys that are in movies to look pretty and draw the tween and teen crowd to waste their money because they're in it. The movie was predictable and it had it's moments so awkward you're not sure whether to cry or laugh at how bad it is.
Night at the Museum was much better, especially since it was in IMAX. Not exactly an Oscar winner but it was cute and story was...all right. lol. Some of the characters were flat but overall it was a funny movie.
Ahh, summer
After seeing Night at the Museum, we went to get snow cones. We almost went to the one there by the theater but we didn't. Instead we decided to go to the one in town. It had moved! Ack, but only a few short minutes later we found it. My dad got blueberry and I got "Blue Hawaii". It was good. The stand was by a park so we sat on a bench and enjoyed the warm weather was we ate our sugar soaked ice. That is what summer is all about.
So this weekend, I decided to kill some time with Key (Keyaru the one that hit 70) by earning a few "acheivements". Being 70 is awesome when you're questing in a 30-45 zone. I learned that Ambush kills enemies instantly. I love it. There's nothing like beating down enemies that don't stand a chance against you. I also got Key a gun. Actually, I think it's a rifle. Either way, for some reason I kinda feel sexy shooting that thing. It's fun.
Anyway my fellow guild member, Summonpain, asked for a "run" through Zul'Farrak, an instance/dungeon in the desert zone of Tanaris for levels 40-50. Another from our guild, Brinsel was invited to come but he took his time. So as were waiting for Brin to show up, Summon and I duel. I win. A few times. lol. To give him a chance to win against me, I take off all my armor. I mean all. As I was taking it off, Summon freaks out and goes "woah mama". At this point, Key is only in her guild tabard and a shirt (there was underwear too but that's part of the model). It still takes Summon a while to beat me.
It's at this point, a few Horde characters show up. Specifically, a troll hunter and a blood elf paladin. I think there was a Tauren too but I don't remember and it's not important to the story. So the blood elf start flirting with me! Repeatedly. I smack him a few times and even tell him "no" but being on different factions, not so easy to communicate.
He duels his troll buddy and finally I get the chance to duel him. I go into stealth and Ambush him. Naturally, he instantly loses. The troll laughs. The elf cries and Summon says that was kinda harsh.
I duel the elf a few more times and at one point I was just shooting him. It was so funny but to be honest, it's just like Key to be that way. Some little blood elf paladin thinks he's good enough to talk to her? A rogue, Alliance no less, no way! She, as I did, would enjoy shooting him with her rifle as he runs around crying like a little girl because she was being mean. The whole time, the troll is laughing at him. We're all talking but the game makes it to Alliance and Horde can't communicate. So whatever that troll was saying, it had a few apostrophes and strange syllables and therefore, unintelligible.
Finally, Brin shows up and to be nuts, I send the flirt emote on the paladin before running inside the instance. We're not in there two minutes when a new character sends me a "whisper" (private message), saying he was the paladin and told me I was hot, etc. I had to laugh, he makes this compliment on the basis of my in-game character at the time. Turns out to be some high school kid. It's so fun to mess with those guys. I intend to continue doing so for some time. I just have to make to make it clear, I already like someone else. :P
Movies
In other news, I saw two movies with my family this weekend: 17 Again and Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian. Both were entertaining and it was nice to get out.
17 Again was all right, though I still hate Zac Effron. Maybe in about 10-15 years if he's proven himself to be good actor not some Disney pretty boy I might respect that but...I just have a problem with pretty boys that are in movies to look pretty and draw the tween and teen crowd to waste their money because they're in it. The movie was predictable and it had it's moments so awkward you're not sure whether to cry or laugh at how bad it is.
Night at the Museum was much better, especially since it was in IMAX. Not exactly an Oscar winner but it was cute and story was...all right. lol. Some of the characters were flat but overall it was a funny movie.
Ahh, summer
After seeing Night at the Museum, we went to get snow cones. We almost went to the one there by the theater but we didn't. Instead we decided to go to the one in town. It had moved! Ack, but only a few short minutes later we found it. My dad got blueberry and I got "Blue Hawaii". It was good. The stand was by a park so we sat on a bench and enjoyed the warm weather was we ate our sugar soaked ice. That is what summer is all about.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
With great fear and passionate loathing
...I regard dirty old men and spiders. It's true but "Why bring this up?" you may ask. Well, some time ago I joined an online dating site (or two). I've pretty much ignored them but today I received a "flirt"...from a 41-year-old man. Can I run screaming? I cannot impress to you just how much I despise and fear such men. It might be related to the fact that I don't trust the male race in general. I don't know why. I've never been abused in anyway. My parents are happily married. It may be the fact that just about every guy I've ever known has disappointed me. I've given up on hoping that a guy will be decent from the start. I'm sure there are great guys out there. My guy friends are all awesome but *ahem* there are few I could never see myself as being more than friends with and the rest I'm not so sure we'd ever get past a few dates before deciding that being friends is better.
I will not recount how I have been disappointed. It would get repetitious but there are categories. There's my brother, we didn't get along and honestly I've always thought I was meant to be an only child. I love my brother and this is normal but it's much easier to get along now that we spend most of the year apart at school. I can look forward to seeing him.
Then my dad, a constant source of criticism. I know he loves me and wants the best for me, wants me to succeed but he makes everything about money and every time I get a C (or worse) he says those are the kind of grades are the kind people get in college and then get menial crap jobs. That kind of talk hurts. Then there's mainly guys my age that I liked that let me down but no one's perfect and I may yet find what I need and want in a guy. I'm not too picky (I think so). Finally, there are my friends. I love them all but when I hear about drinking (even moderately) underage and I get this sinking feeling. It seems I'm never invited to do anything with them (explicitly and this is true of most my friends regardless of gender). They say, come over anytime but that's never true. They're always busy it seems. When I make plans, they almost can never make it. I feel so isolated most of the time and usually I'm okay with it because I'm fairly introverted but today...I'm not doing so well.
I will not recount how I have been disappointed. It would get repetitious but there are categories. There's my brother, we didn't get along and honestly I've always thought I was meant to be an only child. I love my brother and this is normal but it's much easier to get along now that we spend most of the year apart at school. I can look forward to seeing him.
Then my dad, a constant source of criticism. I know he loves me and wants the best for me, wants me to succeed but he makes everything about money and every time I get a C (or worse) he says those are the kind of grades are the kind people get in college and then get menial crap jobs. That kind of talk hurts. Then there's mainly guys my age that I liked that let me down but no one's perfect and I may yet find what I need and want in a guy. I'm not too picky (I think so). Finally, there are my friends. I love them all but when I hear about drinking (even moderately) underage and I get this sinking feeling. It seems I'm never invited to do anything with them (explicitly and this is true of most my friends regardless of gender). They say, come over anytime but that's never true. They're always busy it seems. When I make plans, they almost can never make it. I feel so isolated most of the time and usually I'm okay with it because I'm fairly introverted but today...I'm not doing so well.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Mistress of Outland
Keyaru hit 70 today! I am so happy. 
She got her flying mount, too; a snowy gryphon. :D I suppose her being a rogue would dictate I had bought the ebon gryphon but I like my white bird. It's so lovely. Anyway, I'm not getting Wrath of the Lich King for a while. I'll be doing dailies in the Isle of Quel'Danas until I can train for and buy my epic flying mount. That's 1,200 gold needed right there. I might also save up for dual specialization. I'm not sure. Lol.
To the right is Keyaru with her current equipment, sans headgear and tabard. The blue pants and boots seem so out of place with the rest of her armor. I always thought she looked good in long sleeves. Lol. Right click > View Image to see it full size.
She got her flying mount, too; a snowy gryphon. :D I suppose her being a rogue would dictate I had bought the ebon gryphon but I like my white bird. It's so lovely. Anyway, I'm not getting Wrath of the Lich King for a while. I'll be doing dailies in the Isle of Quel'Danas until I can train for and buy my epic flying mount. That's 1,200 gold needed right there. I might also save up for dual specialization. I'm not sure. Lol.To the right is Keyaru with her current equipment, sans headgear and tabard. The blue pants and boots seem so out of place with the rest of her armor. I always thought she looked good in long sleeves. Lol. Right click > View Image to see it full size.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Stalking the Netherstorm
Since getting home I've been power-questing in World of Warcraft. At first it was a little on my Horde characters on Kirin Tor (server/"realm") but then I thought, I want to get my main up to 70! So I hopped back onto Exodar and have been working on her since. She's already gained four levels and will hopefully hit 70 tomorrow, maybe the day after.
There are a lot of things I hate about the Netherstorm though. There are a lot of Blood Elves and ghosts, not to mention demons. I liked Terrokar Forest better. It's pretty and green and the music that plays there is so lovely. Netherstorm is a purple wasteland with music that makes me feel like I'm in hostile territory all the time. Well, actually I am but still...
Anyway, I'm aiming for one level a day, which at this high level takes some time even with the awesome addons I'm using: TourGuide and Carbonite. It's sad how WoW sucks all the time out of my day but the game requires so much if you want to get anywhere.
By the way, my blog ID image features my main character, Keyaru, in clothes more casual than her usual armor.
There are a lot of things I hate about the Netherstorm though. There are a lot of Blood Elves and ghosts, not to mention demons. I liked Terrokar Forest better. It's pretty and green and the music that plays there is so lovely. Netherstorm is a purple wasteland with music that makes me feel like I'm in hostile territory all the time. Well, actually I am but still...
Anyway, I'm aiming for one level a day, which at this high level takes some time even with the awesome addons I'm using: TourGuide and Carbonite. It's sad how WoW sucks all the time out of my day but the game requires so much if you want to get anywhere.
By the way, my blog ID image features my main character, Keyaru, in clothes more casual than her usual armor.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Finals began and then they were over.
Finals
I had two finals today: Learning and Development (L&D) and Organic Chemistry I; otherwise known as: "Why adolescents and teenagers look and act the way they do, maybe." and "See Carbon. See carbon bond. See carbon screw your GPA." respectively. I am so glad I joined that study group last night for L&D, it was fun and I learned exactly what I needed to know for the test.
As for organic? I tried to study Thursday through Sunday but I failed epically. Fortunately after finishing my L&D final in about 30 minutes I had plenty of time to study...After checking the mail, calling my dad, talking to Desireé, I went back to my room and finally studied. I condensed organic to the following:
Nucleophilic Substitution Flow Chart
[Uber-condensed]SN1, SN2, E1, or E2? (table)
Reactions of alcohols to form alkyl halides (table)
Reactions of alkynes (chart)
Having paid attention in class and taken some notes (lol), I was able to write these simple things down and remember the rest. It definitely helped when taking the test. I'd be happy to share them, you only have to ask. :D
Next up is Geography on Wednesday but I'm not worried. The teacher lectured straight out of the book. We're allowed to keep all our tests and given the answers the next class after the test.
Moving out, etc.
I'm moving out of my room Wednesday afternoon. As much as I love my friends, I'll be glad to get away for a few weeks. Tomorrow I pack up and do some initial cleaning. My parents should be up that evening. Wednesday morning we load everything up. I take my test and then leave. Yay!
I'm taking a 10-week summer course, Calculus II (again). You'd think I would learn by now that homework does help in understanding the material...but no. This is the third semester in a row I've had to repeat a class. At least this time I dropped it. The teacher was so awesome and gave me a WP (despite my epic failure on tests). I can't do grade forgiveness anymore. :( C'est ma vie. Sigh~...
In my brilliant plan to study, I played some World of Warcraft this weekend. I ended up playing a little more on a character that I'd been neglecting for a while now. The funniest part of playing this weekend was how I told my "Guild" I would return after having dinner and never logged back on. While eating dinner I decided to watch a movie online, or rather two: Emma and Spiderman 3. Could they be any more different? Seeing both took about four hours. Then I went to bed. And still didn't study Sunday.
I chatted with him Sunday on Facebook. No, I'm not telling you his name right now. It's more fun that way. He's the one I "should have dated" mentioned in the last post. I asked for another try and he seems to giving it. I'm going to stick my rules this time and be just friends and have fun as friends for at least two weeks before I jump into a relationship. We only met one weekend in February (dinner Saturday at IHOP and brunch at McDonald's, lol) but I was surprised how much I liked him. I hesitated to call it chemistry but I guess it was. I wonder if those feelings will all come back when I see him again.
Sorry, I was about to gush. No need to do that. So one more final then I go home and grind WoW like no tomorrow before (hopefully) getting it right and pwning Cal II instead of the other way around. :P
I had two finals today: Learning and Development (L&D) and Organic Chemistry I; otherwise known as: "Why adolescents and teenagers look and act the way they do, maybe." and "See Carbon. See carbon bond. See carbon screw your GPA." respectively. I am so glad I joined that study group last night for L&D, it was fun and I learned exactly what I needed to know for the test.
As for organic? I tried to study Thursday through Sunday but I failed epically. Fortunately after finishing my L&D final in about 30 minutes I had plenty of time to study...After checking the mail, calling my dad, talking to Desireé, I went back to my room and finally studied. I condensed organic to the following:
Having paid attention in class and taken some notes (lol), I was able to write these simple things down and remember the rest. It definitely helped when taking the test. I'd be happy to share them, you only have to ask. :D
Next up is Geography on Wednesday but I'm not worried. The teacher lectured straight out of the book. We're allowed to keep all our tests and given the answers the next class after the test.
Moving out, etc.
I'm moving out of my room Wednesday afternoon. As much as I love my friends, I'll be glad to get away for a few weeks. Tomorrow I pack up and do some initial cleaning. My parents should be up that evening. Wednesday morning we load everything up. I take my test and then leave. Yay!
I'm taking a 10-week summer course, Calculus II (again). You'd think I would learn by now that homework does help in understanding the material...but no. This is the third semester in a row I've had to repeat a class. At least this time I dropped it. The teacher was so awesome and gave me a WP (despite my epic failure on tests). I can't do grade forgiveness anymore. :( C'est ma vie. Sigh~...
In my brilliant plan to study, I played some World of Warcraft this weekend. I ended up playing a little more on a character that I'd been neglecting for a while now. The funniest part of playing this weekend was how I told my "Guild" I would return after having dinner and never logged back on. While eating dinner I decided to watch a movie online, or rather two: Emma and Spiderman 3. Could they be any more different? Seeing both took about four hours. Then I went to bed. And still didn't study Sunday.
I chatted with him Sunday on Facebook. No, I'm not telling you his name right now. It's more fun that way. He's the one I "should have dated" mentioned in the last post. I asked for another try and he seems to giving it. I'm going to stick my rules this time and be just friends and have fun as friends for at least two weeks before I jump into a relationship. We only met one weekend in February (dinner Saturday at IHOP and brunch at McDonald's, lol) but I was surprised how much I liked him. I hesitated to call it chemistry but I guess it was. I wonder if those feelings will all come back when I see him again.
Sorry, I was about to gush. No need to do that. So one more final then I go home and grind WoW like no tomorrow before (hopefully) getting it right and pwning Cal II instead of the other way around. :P
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Why the name, an introduction, and to new beginnings
Why "Of Rain and Orchids"
It's raining outside; of course. I love my new orchid. I love orchids. Roses are pretty and carnations are nice but orchids are truly things of beauty. Exotic in shape and color, I'm just drawn to them. Hence the title. I made a header for this blog but until the creator of the stock I used okays it, it can only be seen in my deviantART gallery (see right).
An Introduction
There are those of who you know my real name; to those of you who do not you may call me Michelle. My general online alias is Koneko Decaelum. Koneko is Japanese for kitten. Decaelum is Latin and means "of heaven". I am also on Facebook and deviantART (I highly encourage you check out my page and gallery).
I am a junior in college and this is my fourth year of school. I have an associate of arts from a junior college not too far from where I now attend. I was originally a psychology major. Upon transferring I changed it to Chemistry and Secondary Physical/Earth Science Education. I hope to teach high school chemistry.
If nothing else, I strive to live in truth and love. If you live by those two simple principles you may yet live a long and happy life without regrets. 1 John is my favorite book of the Bible and speaks to me and my nature.
To New Beginnings
Finals are coming; they're next week in fact. It's a great relief to think the semester about over but I'm a little sad, too. I've made some wonderful friends this semester and grown closer to the ones I've had. I've met two wonderful young men. One I dated and other I should have (I may discuss this later). I've learned many new things and others I have been reminded of. There are things I wonder if I'll ever learn. I will face the coming week with hope and determination. Then I pack and retreat home for a few weeks before I must return for summer class.
It's raining outside; of course. I love my new orchid. I love orchids. Roses are pretty and carnations are nice but orchids are truly things of beauty. Exotic in shape and color, I'm just drawn to them. Hence the title. I made a header for this blog but until the creator of the stock I used okays it, it can only be seen in my deviantART gallery (see right).
An Introduction
There are those of who you know my real name; to those of you who do not you may call me Michelle. My general online alias is Koneko Decaelum. Koneko is Japanese for kitten. Decaelum is Latin and means "of heaven". I am also on Facebook and deviantART (I highly encourage you check out my page and gallery).
I am a junior in college and this is my fourth year of school. I have an associate of arts from a junior college not too far from where I now attend. I was originally a psychology major. Upon transferring I changed it to Chemistry and Secondary Physical/Earth Science Education. I hope to teach high school chemistry.
If nothing else, I strive to live in truth and love. If you live by those two simple principles you may yet live a long and happy life without regrets. 1 John is my favorite book of the Bible and speaks to me and my nature.
To New Beginnings
Finals are coming; they're next week in fact. It's a great relief to think the semester about over but I'm a little sad, too. I've made some wonderful friends this semester and grown closer to the ones I've had. I've met two wonderful young men. One I dated and other I should have (I may discuss this later). I've learned many new things and others I have been reminded of. There are things I wonder if I'll ever learn. I will face the coming week with hope and determination. Then I pack and retreat home for a few weeks before I must return for summer class.
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