Now as we have many parts in one body, and all the parts do not have the same function, in the same way we who are many are one body in Christ and individually members of one another. According to the grace given to us, we have different gifts: If...showing mercy, with cheerfulness.
Romans 12:4-6,8
I was filling out an application for a program when I came to a question that asked what I thought my spiritual gifts are and how I've used them. The first thing I thought of was
mercy. A few years ago, I was told that was my gifting (or at least one of my gifts). When I was first told, I was unsure but after some thought, it made sense. Over the years, I've seen how people expect mercy to be expressed compared to how I actually showed mercy. Others' expectations seemed somewhat contradictory to my nature. Many people I've talked to describe an example of showing mercy as crying with someone who's got cancer. I don't openly express emotion most of the time and I'm uncomfortable with others' display of emotion, especially strong ones. I'm fairly rational and readily offer advice or solutions. So how does that work?
What is mercy?
Let's define mercy. Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines
mercy (in part) as "kind or forgiving treatment of someone who could be treated harshly" or "kindness or help given to people who are in a very bad or desperate situation". What does it mean to be kind? Back to the dictionary:
kind "of a sympathetic or helpful nature", "of a forbearing nature: gentle," "arising from or characterized by sympathy or forbearance". Ooo,
forbearance, I like that word: "the quality of someone who is patient and able to deal with a difficult person or situation without becoming angry". Mercy is often grouped with
compassion (a feeling of wanting to help someone) and
empathy (understanding and sharing their experience/emotions), both of which I tend to experience for those I show mercy to. All that can involve crying with someone but it doesn't have to. How do I rationally perform this?
Showing mercy
First: I'm not always rational. I'm not a robot. I have emotions. Most of the time, I'm merely calm and content. Every once in a while, circumstances results in a push from my calm equilibrium. I get anxious, sad or angry. Sometimes even hyper or manic moods make me feel off-balance. In those times, I'm not rational. I can't focus and make good decisions. That's when I need someone to remind me of what I already know or teach me something new to respond to the situation. Then I can re-center and regain equilibrium. That
is something I can do for others. A lot of things may differentiate me from other people but everything I have experienced is similar to what someone else has experienced or will experience.
This is how I'm able to show mercy. I have empathy for someone; I have been where they are, struggling with the same emotions. I have compassion; I want to help. Finally, I give mercy. I show kindness by loving someone and patiently helping them with their problem. I tell them what helped me when I was there. I tell them what they can do about the situation. I point them back to scripture (
2 Tim 3:16,
Ps 119: yes, all of it) and the rational truth (
Romans 12:2,
1 Pet 5:8-9,
Phil 4:4-9) to combat emotional lies (
Jer 17:9) we allow ourselves to believe. I remind them to focus on God (
Psalm 37:4,
Matt 6:33) because most often, that's what they need.
I see a need and I meet it.
The
Parable of the Good Samaritan is a classic example. It was a study on this story in church that made me realize that's how I need to show mercy and how I have shown it. The Samaritan in the story may or may not have been waylaid and left for dead by robbers but he did see victim's need and meet it. Crying with the seriously injured man and saying, "I'm so sorry this happened to you but don't worry; it'll be okay." wouldn't have helped him. He needed medical attention and that's what he got. He needed longer term care and time to recuperate; the Samaritan ensured that on his own dime.
A little aside: In the social and historical context, it's a huge thing for a Samaritan to help a Jew like that. It's almost like...a Westboro member getting that kind help from a gay atheist. That kind of mercy is radical. It can change lives. That's the sort of life Jesus demonstrated and called us to live as well: a life
motivated by love.
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your graciousness be known to everyone. The Lord is near. Don’t worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses every thought, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable—if there is any moral excellence and if there is any praise—dwell on these things. Do what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:4-9
Praise the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all comfort. He comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any kind of affliction, through the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For as the sufferings of Christ overflow to us, so through Christ our comfort also overflows. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation. If we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which is experienced in your endurance of the same sufferings that we suffer.
2 Corinthians 1:3-6
