Brooding Walls
Today was not a bad day by any means but it wasn't great either. I feel a bit melancholy. I'm inclined to blame biology: poor sleep habits and other fun stuff probably wrecking into my peace. Well, maybe it's more than biology...We were talking in church tonight about spiritual warfare (reading Corinthians 10:3-6) and one thing that came up was tearing down walls. We need to be open with each other and share our struggles so that we can build each other up and strengthen the Body of Christ (not continue to wallow in our dysfunctionality). We talked about ways to tear the walls down and prevent them from building up in the first place.
All this didn't really sink in until the ride home when I'd realized a few walls of my own had gone up. Every day I didn't read my Bible, didn't talk meaningfully with God and allow myself to be totally led by the spirit was another brick on that wall. The mortar is apathy and the bricks that should be used to build the Kingdom are instead being added to the wall. I can kind of tell when I'm allowing my spiritual muscles to atrophy: I waste my time more, my head gets full of useless junk that muddles my thoughts and feelings, things just don't seem in line and my resilience for life's ups and downs (even the minor ones) just goes to pot. I hate it. I feel unwell (on so many levels), a little (a lot) dirty and rather unhappy (if not downright blue).
This is the part where many Christians stumble and simply give up. That's not how it goes. If you find yourself tripping up, check where you're going, reorient towards Him and get moving again. It's that simple. Hey, I didn't say it was easy. So now that I've realized I'm stumbling on rocks (because, hey, I'm off the trail) I'm going to focus on the goal and get back on track. Everything else will fall back into place, or (at least) things that aren't falling perfectly in place won't seem like that big a deal.
Learning is awesome
So, about school: I'm...not hating it. I'd be enjoying it more if I wasn't on a spiritual detour. Physics isn't so bad and Biochem is a lot of fun with Dr. Kelley. I've lately been of the opinion that scientists are bit a strange; chemists are crazy but biochemists are on another level. Dr. Kelley is proof this. It's entertaining and she's actually a pretty good teacher. She states often that she wants us to think on our feet. Most of my classmates are pre-med, pre-pharm, pre-something-really-hard-and-maybe-life-saving so she wants to be able to trust these people with such important things. I've decided to pay attention to how she teaches that. I'd like to pass that on to my students (just because I'm not taking an education class doesn't mean I'm not thinking about it).
First labs are picking up this week (finally!). Monday's organic 2 lab was...interesting. Everyone was lost and even though I'd worked on this reaction for several weeks last semester it had been at least two months so I was a bit unsure when answering questions. A few of the students weren't so happy about how their reactions were going but I assured them it was all right. We make mistakes, figure out what went wrong and move on. Another simple-but-not-easy thing to do. I was very open about sharing my mishaps in lab with the students to lessen their tension and dismay when it seemed things weren't going quite right.
On a tangent, I've realized I don't really care about being wrong anymore. This is mainly in the context of learning: answering questions in class and working on assignments, etc. When I get it wrong, that's okay! It's an opportunity to learn. Yes, indeed. Trust me, when you get it wrong and then find your way to what is correct, you've learned it better than simply getting it right the first time. So be bold and be wrong! Then learn so you'll be more awesome than you were before. Praise God! I get excited just thinking about it. lmao.
Well, this has been cathartic. If you've read this far, I'm impressed. Thank you. I love you. Marry me. Well...don't set a date.
Bye! [enthusiastic wave]
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