Drowning in a puddle

          There's been a decline in my disposition over the past few days. It could be the turning of the seasons, the return of rain and clouds, almost anything. After so many years suffering from it, I've learned to recognize the symptoms of depression when they emerge. Right now it's mild-moderate yet pervasive. It usually starts with a lack of motivation. I just don't have the strength to go on. Then it sinks into hopelessness and I can feel myself going down.
          I feel like I'm drowning in a puddle. I only have to get up but I seem unable to lift myself enough to breathe. Procrastination is something I struggle with every semester and every semester I lose. I'd already reached the point where it doesn't even bother me anymore. Now I just don't care; I actively avoid my studies now. I've resigned myself to complacency and only wish to get away from it all.
          I would reach out to my friends but what I need is a taskmaster, someone to light a fire under me and make me do what needs to be done. They are not my parents, they are not my babysitters. I'm an adult, they shouldn't have to take that kind of responsibility. I'm seriously considering dropping out. I wonder if maybe this isn't where God wants me to be but it doesn't make sense.
          It's like a physics problem. I'm a Mac truck on a three-mile-high cliff, in physics that would be huge potential. I want to roll forward and take full advantage of it but the friction is too great so I go nowhere.
          Help me...