...I regard dirty old men and spiders. It's true but "Why bring this up?" you may ask. Well, some time ago I joined an online dating site (or two). I've pretty much ignored them but today I received a "flirt"...from a 41-year-old man. Can I run screaming? I cannot impress to you just how much I despise and fear such men. It might be related to the fact that I don't trust the male race in general. I don't know why. I've never been abused in anyway. My parents are happily married. It may be the fact that just about every guy I've ever known has disappointed me. I've given up on hoping that a guy will be decent from the start. I'm sure there are great guys out there. My guy friends are all awesome but *ahem* there are few I could never see myself as being more than friends with and the rest I'm not so sure we'd ever get past a few dates before deciding that being friends is better.
I will not recount how I have been disappointed. It would get repetitious but there are categories. There's my brother, we didn't get along and honestly I've always thought I was meant to be an only child. I love my brother and this is normal but it's much easier to get along now that we spend most of the year apart at school. I can look forward to seeing him.
Then my dad, a constant source of criticism. I know he loves me and wants the best for me, wants me to succeed but he makes everything about money and every time I get a C (or worse) he says those are the kind of grades are the kind people get in college and then get menial crap jobs. That kind of talk hurts. Then there's mainly guys my age that I liked that let me down but no one's perfect and I may yet find what I need and want in a guy. I'm not too picky (I think so). Finally, there are my friends. I love them all but when I hear about drinking (even moderately) underage and I get this sinking feeling. It seems I'm never invited to do anything with them (explicitly and this is true of most my friends regardless of gender). They say, come over anytime but that's never true. They're always busy it seems. When I make plans, they almost can never make it. I feel so isolated most of the time and usually I'm okay with it because I'm fairly introverted but today...I'm not doing so well.
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